An employee of mine is a single female 30 yrs old, active LDS. She has decided to adopt a child in the age range of 6-8 yrs old. Her bishop advised her against it, and she says she's getting strange treatment from ward members now.

maybe this will get her to rethink her position about the church!!
:)

Single women are not held in high reguard. Useful for labor and filling posts. The reaction is not unusual in most wards.
In my ward we have a couple of single women wiht adopted children, from what I can see they are held in the higher "Morman Mommy" reguard

JF Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> An employee of mine is a single female 30 yrs old,
> active LDS. She has decided to adopt a child in
> the age range of 6-8 yrs old. Her bishop advised
> her against it, and she says she's getting strange
> treatment from ward members now.


Yup. They won't know how to handle this as she is not married. This is a church that thinks a family is about a mother and a father and children.
If she was married there would be lots of kudos.
It's how their traditional culture works - what is acceptable and what is not acceptable.

Now, if she wanted to be a Foster Parent, that might be more palatable.

i am adopted!! :(

I'm not happy that I was adopted, because of several issues.

you adopted too??? well they found me in the trash...so do ya think i got baggage???
NAH...I AM LYING! ..no trash... Catholic adoption agency!! my rents adopted 7 chillins!! :O... yeah i tell my mom ..if you hadn't adopted the last two..... we coulda had a house on a lake in Minnesota(where i was born)!!
:)
YOU'LL HAVE TO SPILL YOUR GUTS TO ME SOMETIME!! :)

now i KNOW they are idiots... you know how hard it is to get a child older than a toddler adopted? oy vay!! what idiots...and good for her! fostering will really let her know if adoption is the right way to go!

That's just what I was going to say. I guess they would rather have that child sit in foster care until they age out at 18. Single moms make great parents. Why do all the members always think they have to go the bishop for EVERYTHING?

OMG, she adopted 7 kids! Wow! That's six siblings to beat up and terrorize.

I was an LDS adoptee. So was my little abrother, different parents.

It has taken me a long time to have a good relationship with my aparents. My mom and I would have ripped off each others' faces eventually if I hadn't have been kicked out as a teenager.

So, I feel like I was taken out of the pot, and put into the frying pan. All for "my own good."

i have an older brother who did terrorize me..till got to be 15... and a sight bigger... i still coudnt find it in me to exact revenge!! :).... and we all came from different parents.... mostly from Irish backgrounds though. ( i got some Norwegian in me for height and good looks though!! :)
and i left at 17 as well as soon as high school was done!!

Well, I told her she's my hero - and I really meant it. She's dated a bunch of LDS single guys who have no motivation to get up off their asses and work - living in their mothers' basements playing Halo (nothing against Halo, great game). And she makes more money than anyone she's dated - why should she become a stay-at-home mom to someone who makes half her salary when she's worked hard to get where she is.

So she made a decision that she is happy being single and successful, and that she wants to have children, realizing that she can't adopt a newborn because of wanting to work, so she chose an age which fits her lifestyle. Now she's going through training classes for foster parenting - in Idaho she has to be a foster parent for 6 months before allowing to adopt.

She's gonna be a great parent, and that child will be luckier than many children born into dual-parent households.

JF, you were absolutely right when you wrote:
"She's gonna be a great parent, and that child will be luckier than many children born into dual-parent households."

She's going into it better-prepared than 99.999% of the reproducing population of the entire world. Kudos to her. Tell her to give that bishop and ward the one-fingered salute and go have a fantastic life.

...I've seen so many kids with irresponsible parents, that to know that a responsible woman will be getting a child (who might otherwise go without a mom) is a good thing.

If she does foster care first she will receive adoption assistance money. In my case,my last 2 were foster kids we adopted. We get this money every month till they turn 18. With my 10 year old son it has been a god-send as he has been in therapy for 3 years at $100. an hour.And we are able to put money away for them as we are in our late 50's and don't know how long dh will be working.

I have had 24 foster kids and it is an amazing experience. Most of the parents are bums,but the kids are so resiliant and dear.

I know a single TBM mom who adopted. The Bishop, SP, etc. all told her it was against God's plan. They were relentless in their harrassment.

Her son is now about 12 and is doing great. (Although I am tempted to ask her about how she is going to explain all the racist crap from TSCC's past - kid is black.)

I'm glad you are there for your employee. She is doing a wonderful thing.

And this is the Bishop's business because.......????

//And this is the Bishop's business because.......????//

Because bishops are supposed to maximize the ratio of temple marriages to divorces. He wants her married, and her decision says, "I am having a family without getting a husband."

And nothing gets a bishop more involved than when a divorce happens. I hadn't even met with my bishop until my divorce, and then suddenly he was meeting with me every two weeks, trying to solve the marriage problems.

I remember one night when the ex went out and didn't come home until the next day - spent the night with her boyfriend. Bishop found out about it and got pissed that I didn't call him at 2am to intervene and bring her back home.

They truly think they can manage marriages, and they are ill-trained to deal with those issues.

She married young in the temple and had a honeymoon baby 9 months later. Then she found out the only reason the guy married her is that he couldn't get her to sleep with him any other way and the minute she got preggie, he started having an affair. They divorced and she spent the next 14 years raising her daughter alone, with no help from him. Then, as she approached her 40th, she started to realize she probably wouldn't remarry and didn't particularly want to so she decided to adopt a baby boy of another race. Her bishop tried really hard to talk her out of it. In his defense, he had a 22 year old daughter who's husband just died and left her with 1 year old twins and the girl was really struggling. He didn't want to see the same thing happen to my friend. My friend assured him that she was a grown woman who had already raised a child by herself and had a career, a master's degree and owned her own home. Very different situation. The bishop continued his disapproval and she continued to ignore him and adopted her son. They are the cutest little family and even the bishop has softened his position and is one of this little boy's biggest fans.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/01/2011 02:49PM by CA girl.

which are usually very narrow.

Good for your friend!

Why would anyone ask the Bishop about it in the first place? I can't recall every asking the Bishop if I could screw my wife because she was ovulating.

Ron

Ron, it's an insane mentality as you know from former life. In the church we think the bishop can advise us on every aspect of our life, and that he receives revelation for every member of the ward.

We have a single friend who decided to adopt (here in SE Idaho). I have not heard of any church issues with her adoption, but she already had the family when I first met her. Although she was only going a one initially, she adopted a whole family (4 kids). They make such a cute family.

Oh yeah, she's a Mormon. I get it now.

I read through your answers and they have a lot of sense , however the word PRIESTHOOD does not appear. In the bishop's mind ...How can a 30 year old single female understand the importance of priesthood to a young MALE child?

That is his measuring stick -if she wants to work she has broken the cardinal rule of "stay at home mom". Having a child that fits her life style is a definite No- No.. What happens if her lifestyle changes?

Way too many variables for the Bishop to be responsible for.

JB

...and my mother told me a single friend of her's went to the sperm bank and got pregnant. She didn't break any law of chastity, and the bish didn't know what to do about.

Sets a bad image for a family centered church, where single parents-to-be are counselled heavily to put their child up for adoption.

A single mother who adopts a child goes far beyond the mark of merely getting pregnant by accident. You see, she is intentionally creating a single parent household, which is a negative example for the other girls who are expected to marry a Priesthood holder and raise kids.

Don't forget the bishops statistics: number of families:number of temple attendees as a %.

She hurts his stats.

My youngest daughter just announced to me that she will not be bearing any children. She said there are already too many unwanted children in the world, so she and her husband will adopt.

I could not be more proud.

Anagrammy

That sticking a child in daycare to be basically raised by strangers is NOT the ideal situation. Yes many many people do it but I know very FEW women who, given the financial means, wouldn't jump at the chance to stay at home with their kids.

DAYCARE is not the same as having a loving parent take care of you all day. I understand for some it is a necessity and some FEEL it is a necessity but it is NOT the ideal.

outofutah

JF Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> An employee of mine is a single female 30 yrs old,
> active LDS. She has decided to adopt a child in
> the age range of 6-8 yrs old. Her bishop advised
> her against it, and she says she's getting strange
> treatment from ward members now.


What is the bishop's expertise with adoption to be givng this advice? Other than his power of lie-cernment...

My guess is her bishop wants her either getting married to one of the single men in their ward or has an issue with adoption.