now that I've left the lds world.
I'm realizing much of it was caused by:
1. genetics from 7 generations of lds personalities
2. mormon lifestyle (guilt, perfectionism, overprogramming)

Now I'm wondering:
1. Why didn't I kick and scream to better protect my kids?
2. Why did I let patriarchy overrule my motherly instincts?

I get sick-at-my-stomach when I realize the effects of tscc on my life and my family!!!!! All of them are still depressed. Four of them are still trapped in the tscc along with a bunch of precious grandkids!!!!!
Sorry this is such a downer. I'm upset, panicky, and needed to vent.

You did the best you could with the information you had. When you knew better, you did better.

Now that you are more aware, you can read up on depression, treatments, help available etc. and lead your kids in a better direction. Don't worry about the Mormonism thing for now - just concentrate on helping your kids. I know adult kids aren't necessarily going to listen but if they are having a hard time of things, and you have something that will ease their burden, they may want to listen. Good luck.

CA girl Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You did the best you could with the information
> you had. When you knew better, you did better.
>
One of the things that it has taken me many years to learn is that is often/usually takes MANY YEARS to recover from Mormonism, most especially for those born and raised in it.

And also: Just because someone is doing their utmost very, very best, and in truth IS doing a truly superb job of recovering from SOME aspects of Mormonism, this does not mean that ALL of the needed aspects are being "recovered from." Sometimes (I have learned) people can spend decades in active recovery, and yet never touch certain aspects of their lives which have been negatively aspected by Mormonism, because they just don't realize they are "there." They WOULD address them if they could "see" them, but up to a possible future startling, and perhaps shocking, turning point in their lives, they just don't know they're "there."

It's the fish not being aware of the existence of "water."

Give yourself full credit for all that you HAVE done because you deserve full credit for every single bit of it.

Give yourself the loving and respectful understanding that, even if you weren't 100% by what you NOW know, you WERE "100%" by what you DID know. You did your best. You have learned and are continuing to learn. (This, all by itself, puts you in a small upper percentage of people who never end their efforts to become wiser and more mature in every way.)

You are where you are now...and so are your kids. Be authentic in the moment, be open to them, and do what you CAN do to make their journeys as smooth as possible, given all that has gone before.

If you do these things, you (and your kids) will wind up in much "better places" than would otherwise had been the reality.

You can't take away the past, or the consequences/effects of the past, but you CAN improve the futures of all--or most--of you.

And every one of those improvements will continue to reverberate throughout the future generations to come.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/12/2013 11:51PM by tevai.

Although you can be emotionally supportive, and share what you've learned (maybe . . . If they'll hear it), you can't "fix" other people. They may not even feel they need to be fixed. There is a good chance they will defend their beliefs and continue to believe that they CAN achieve perfection and thus happiness through continued obedience to ridiculousness.

I don't think it's helpful them or you to take the blame for their depression. You said yourself, that there are generations of depression. It could be due to a learned way of dealing with life (like the church), or it could be genetic.

Probably the best thing you can do for them, is to create a great life for yourself. Exercise, do things you enjoy, and take whatever steps you can to be healthy and happy. Basically, SHOW them that life can be better.

And for yourself . . . try not to worry and blame. Stress and anxiety can lead to emotional exhaustion and depression.