Well, yesterday was my last Sunday. The hubster and I are moving to a different town in a few days, and we're taking the opportunity to make a fresh start outside of TSSC.

But in making the transition, I feel like I'm going from a world of familiarity to blankness. I have no idea what to expect. There's a small thought eating at me saying: "What if you're going to be unhappy? You don't know how to not be mormon!" The thought even occurred to me that I have no idea how to make friends that aren't just given to me. I feel like a child starting life over again, in some sense.

So I guess I'm just asking for reassurance. Are you happier now that you're out? How/why are you happier? I know it's going to be weird at first. I know I'm going to feel empty until I can find a way to fill the void with something else, but I guess I just want to know if the void ever goes away--if life outside gets even better than life inside.

Find a good club or something in the new community that suits your interests. It helps in making friends when you have something in common. You may have to browse the local newspaper to get ideas, and it might take a while to find the right niche, but I'm sure you'll find your place just fine. You can even try a different church, or churches, if nothing else just to meet people.

Yahoo meetup groups can help for getting to know groups of people in your area.
I like to take my husband for security, I wouldn't go traipsing off on a hike with five men I'd never met for my first hike with the group but once I knew some of the regulars better, sure!
Pick a hobby, there must be a group of people also doing it somewhere...

You will soon be free. Free to make friends based on their personalities, not on their religion. Free from the ridiculous, controlling rules. Free from the never ending meetings.

You may feel like fish out of water at first. But never fear, life outside=freedom. your life will be open to all sorts of new experiences and people. It's worth it I promise!

I did the same thing, but I told new people I was not LDS, I didn't tell them I was exmormon. It was easier that way.

You're facing one of the recurring events in the lives of most adults: Starting Over [Again].

As you prepare to move, think about which things about your present life you fear may feel like a void in your new life. Is it the social life you are used to now? Is it your anticipated lack of "things to talk about"? Is it what to do with your Sundays from now on? Is it "Where am I/are we going to find compatible new friends?"

You and your husband need to know which SPECIFIC needs you are afraid will not be filled in your new lives. (These may be different for each of you.)

Once you figure out what you are afraid of (and this is probably a good indicator of where the anticipated "voids" may actually turn out to be), then figure out ways of at least beginning to fill them in your new location.

If you are afraid of a loss of spirituality, then figure out what your new area has to offer. Although initially this will feel somewhat artificial, make a list of what MIGHT be of some kind of interest to one or both of you and begin checking out those possibilities. Your new local Unitarian-Universalist church might be a good place to begin. Or Unity. Or something new to you in your new area that you've always been intrigued with: an Orthodox church, for example. Or try Friday night ("family night") services at your new local Reform, Reconstructionist, or Humanist Jewish congregation. (There is food and a social hour almost always after Jewish Friday night services, for the whole family.) Visit your new local Hindu temple (not necessarily for services, but just to look around; you will have to take off your shoes outside and put them on the provided shelves so be aware of this). Find out what is in your new area that is intriguing to each of you, and then check out those possibilities. None may fit, or some may fit, or one may fit...but regardless of the outcome, you will be actively, fully engaged in interacting with the area of your new home, and you will learn far more than you ever thought possible.

Get a tourist guide to your new area and start systematically checking out the local tourist attractions. Petroglyphs...camp grounds...beaches...hiking trails...historical sites...museums...ethnic restaurants. Whatever you choose, and whether you discover that you resonate with them or not, you will be "finding yourself" as new individuals "from" your new community.

If there is a local "ethnic pride,"Gay Pride, or historical event, take advantage of this opportunity to interact with your new neighbors.

Make it a point to check out the ethnic grocery stores in your new area. Pick up some fruit or vegetables that you've never seen before and then find out how to prepare them simply as part of your regular meals. (Ethnic grocery stores often have really good baked goods, pastries, and desserts too. Try them: you'll often like them a lot.)

Find something that you're interested in and volunteer for it. Doesn't matter whether it's feral animals or for kids in school or helping people struggling with the economy or life, either way you're going to meet new people and begin to make friends.

Some of these things will "work" for you...some of them won't. Either way, you will be actively in the process of re-starting your richer, happier, and better life, and you will have learned more than you can imagine even from the things you discover are "not for you."

You can "fill the emptiness" you now anticipate with more, and more satisfying, life than you have ever before allowed yourself to think was possible for YOU.

At long last, and after all these years of living, this is your chance for a brand new, much better feeling life.

Grab it, and you will never want to look back. :-)



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 09/16/2013 04:56PM by tevai.

It can be much happier! Especially if, like me, you were frequently frustrated, annoyed, or bored by church activities.

You can relax and explore the sights on Sundays, or snuggle up at home with a paper and hot drinks. Far less guilt! When you perform service, it can be by choice, to fix problems you care about!

That said, moving is a little easier when you have a ward full of instant friends and helpers, so take that advice and figure out ways to get involved in your new community. Being busy and planning fun adventures will help with the occasional sadness that is part of the grieving process. You are giving up a lifestyle and belief structure, so there will be sad moments. But for many, many who leave - a much better life is waiting. Go find it and embrace it! Don't be afraid to try new things and befriend people who look different. You will grow.