I have been needing to get some things off my chest about the church, especially about our reasons for leaving and our exit process. So I wrote a blog post about it (I will not link to my blog-I think its against the rules?) in hopes that my family would read it. My husband and I came out almost 2 years ago and since then my parents and I don't talk about it. If it is brought up (only twice) it ends up in a huge fight.

So I wrote that post for them. I don't know why I did. Maybe so they could see my reasons, maybe try to understand a little bit as to why we left, whatever. Wishful thinking on my part. They didn't even read it! They say its too painful and they don't want to talk about it.

They don't care about my husband and I, they just care about my kids. They think we are harming our kids.

I can understand where they are coming from. I ruined their eternal family. I hate that they are so brainwashed and I hate that I caused them so much pain.

Some other hates...

I hate going to the grocery store and running into a person from the ward. They act like I have a contagious disease.

I hate that my family can say whatever the hell they want about religion but we get told that they don't want to hear what we have to say.

I hate that the church is so controlling and that my family can't love me for me.

I hate that my parents can't think for themselves

I hate that my family lives for the next life and not for this one

I hate the Mormon church.


*Thanks...I feel better*

Thanks,,I feel better also,,have a drink.
I think most of us have some issues with control they exerted over people and what you should say and not say. It it pretty bad when people tell you about you,,and they don't know anything but second hand gossip. Takes time and resolve to know YOU contol you life, not them.
Keep in touch.

I feel for you heather.

I know what its like not having people talk to you about the church, but not the effect from the family.
My family are non mo's so it didn't matter to them,but the members who we knew for almost 40 yrs have shunned us.

It still surprises me when I see the extent of control the morg has, but the members don't see it (which was the same for me for a long time). However, I think I did question things and didn't like a lot of what went on, but it still took me all those years to leave.

I want to say hang in there but I don't know the full circumstances, but just remember its the morg and the hold it has on people that is the trouble. You have done the right thing in leaving, unfortunately we can't make others see the truth when they are blinded by so much rubbish.

Good luck for the future with your family - you never know you may have planted a seed of doubt somewhere.

You are living what you believe. They see what you are going through. You are giving your children permission to think for themselves, to be whatever, whoever they want to be. You are giving them a life of freedom. I can't think of a more loving, courageous gift a parent can give.

heather Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
>
> Some other hates...
>
> I hate going to the grocery store and running into
> a person from the ward. They act like I have a
> contagious disease.

I love the fact I make them uncomfortable! Intellectual weaklings!
>
> I hate that my family can say whatever the hell
> they want about religion but we get told that they
> don't want to hear what we have to say.

Who says they can say anything they want? You are! If they refuse to listen, politely make your exit, every time it comes up.

>
> I hate that the church is so controlling and that
> my family can't love me for me.

Yes the church is controlling, but they can still love you for you if they CHOOSE too(given time, and boundries, they probably will). They have some culpability in the matter.
>
> I hate that my parents can't think for themselves

Me too!
>
> I hate that my family lives for the next life and
> not for this one

Ditto!
>
> I hate the Mormon church.

Yup!
>
>
> *Thanks...I feel better*

Sometimes it just feels good to be angry and really hate something for a while. What's that song---'You Had A Bad Day"? Find it and sing along--you'll feel better after doing that, too!

I see it as they are afraid. I used to think it was a superior attitude and then after one of my best friends kept telling me I still believed deep down and I told her I didn't, she bore her testimony to me. It was highly offensive actually. Then as I thought about it--I was VERY DEVOUT and she leaned on me for years for my beliefs. I know she feels threatened by the fact that I would lose my "testimony."

If they read what you wrote, which they have been warned about--reading anti stuff--then it might open up thoughts they can't handle or don't want to face.

Read it three times and couldn't find the expletive.

Ron

But she was thinking it inside, Ron.

Hell, the reason I clicked on this post is because it said "swear." lol

Same logic, same pain, same frustration. Everything in your post has happened to me.

Yes, I hate the stupid Mormon church too!!!!!!!!!!!!

My daughter got married this past summer and at the reception, in the mormon gym, my ex's side of the family looked down on me, and everybody else (mostly mormon) were looking down on me, except my side of the family.

This is my daughter's wedding and I felt out of place, and that doesn't count for the fact that I couldn't see my daughter get married the day before in the temple.

I also dislike running into mormons in the store. You can see the awkwardness they have around us.

So sorry to hear that about your daughters reception. I hope your daughter treated you okay. I have a feeling this will be my case in the next 10-15 years when my kids are marriage age.

I ran into three members from the ward yesterday. Small town and almost everyone is LDS. They seriously act like I have something wrong with me. I don't know if I should use that to my advantage or not.

I probably should...

I completely understand your anger. There are some family events that I cannot bring my girlfriend to. Fortunately most of them I skip and no one misses me. I recently told a whole bunch of Mormon friends to eat shit and die. Screw the Church and its brainwashing.

"Like"

And what I hate more than anything is someone who tells others not to be angry.

You have every right to be angry and every right to voice that anger.

Party on, says I!

Timothy

When we left the church my cousin who is very Mormon told me not to be angry about it. I tried so hard to not be angry, then my husband told me it was just fine to be pissed off.

It seems Mormons are always pushing their feelings down and plastering that fake smile on.

Today I'm mad. Tomorrow it won't even cross my mind.

Heather, I have felt basically the same as you have described. It has been 5 years and I am still very angry... my wife thinks my anger should subside or mellow, but, I actually feel it growing in regards to the Mormon church and the idiocy of it all.

Thanks for your post.

... the goddamn cult keeps doing s**t that pisses me off.

Prop H8, Packer's bulls**t speech and so-on serves as a reminder. I quit the cult because of its stance in relation to blacks and women (among other things). Just find it hard to forgive a sinner that keeps on sinning.

Timothy

running into former ward members in the store? I made a game out of it...I would purposely find them as they tried to avoid me. I would say hi and they would respond, usually by telling me all the excuses as to why they were there (this often happened on a Sunday in Utah County-haha). It was always quite entertaining. Now that I live in SLC, I don't have any former ward members that I can annoy....yeah!

Heather, your family is like mine and it is their loss. I like my new life and I know you do too.

I like gemini's approach. I guess I went through this when my ex left me--I was embarrassed and I was SURE all the neighbors, etc., thought that it was my fault. I wanted to stand on the roof and scream, "it isn't my fault." BUT I also didn't talk to anyone about it, so nobody really had a clue what was going on.

Nowadays, it has been so long and such a long journey, I just don't give a shit what they think. I mean--my ex lives in my driveway. When my boyfriend comes to visit, I don't hide it in the least. At first he said, he'd sneak in and I said, "Why?"

I like to flaunt my life actually. In fact, the bishop, when he made his visit last night said to me, "Don't ever be afraid to say hi to me--we've been friends for too long." It had never even crossed my mind to not say hi to him. After I'd been through enough--it just doesn't matter to me anymore.

The only "problem" I've seen is the less people pleasing I've become, I have lost relationships because I quit trying to "conform" just to get along.

Yes. You start to realize when you reach the other side of embarrassed, there is nothing there to be worried about. You've gone outdoors wearing the scarlet letter, faced down the holier than thou, and then its over. I used to duck and hide, and now I'm out telling the elders I'm no longer a member with a big smile on my face. You get stronger every day.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/02/2011 03:01PM by suckafoo.

zeezrom @hotmail.co.uk

I'm always interested in reading blogs from former church members. I usually find that others are better at putting into words alot of what I feel about it all.

I also realise that I've suffered considerably less having only been a two year investigator, albeit very active and even 'promoted' the church positively in the face of criticism from family and friends. However once I knew the real histroy it was impossible to continue promoting it and instead had to concede it was a fraud and a potentaily destructive cult though still try to refer to ward members are decent on the whole and sincere though dangerously misled.