So, I have one Mormon co-worker. He converted for his wife about 6 years ago. I know they are active, but I'm thinking they are more NOM than TBM. We don't talk about doctrine at all, but I have clued him into some of the cultural things like green jello. Neither one of us wanted to rock the boat, I think at work. He's a great guy, and is one of the most honest men I've ever met.

He is leaving our little office and moving back out into the great big world in a couple of weeks. A completely different company, but I may see him through work things every once in a while. I am tempted to put a paper and digital copy of "A Letter To A CES Director" in a sealed manilla envelope and tell him as he is leaving, "in case you ever wondered why." I hate the fact that honest man is being hoodwinked and scammed out of his time and money.

So, I would like to hear some "yes, do it" and whys, and "no, don't do it" and whys because I know I am currently emotional about the issue and would like to see the whole picture.

Thanks

Since he converted for his wife, it would be interfering in their marriage if you did that. Just my not terribly humble opinion.

Send her the letter.

I don't see the point. This person made a decision and it's up to him to stay or leave accordingly. You're playing missionary in reverse, and why is it any of your business? If he wishes to bring issues up with you, you are free to discuss, but I don't think it's necessary to do anything further. Assuming you will still travel in the same career oriented circles, I also say to keep business and personal life as separate as possible. You don't need to create bad work vibes between you and him and other professionals in your field. If NOM works for them, let them be. You can stay in touch and if he has any questions, he knows who to call.

Such a relationship should include friendship with his wife. Infite them to dinner with you and your husband or BF or date. Don't bring up LDS, but develop the friendship. Otherwise you'e love-bombing him.

If he's leaving the geographic area, you could ask him if he's connected wtih a ward in his new home. Then let it slip that you don't go to church anymore, although you did...previously. It he expresses interest or curiosity, then you have an opening to "bare your (ex-mo) testimony." If he doesn't, then that would probably be the end of it.

The balance point is somewhere between making a discrete overture and interfering.

"The balance point is somewhere between making a discrete overture and interfering."

Yup, I hear ya. I think you guys have helped me make up my mind not to give this to him. As much as I respect him, I should keep my mouth shut unless he asks. He already knows that I used to be Mormon, BIC, RM etc. So, if he really wants to know, now that we're not "coworkers", he'll ask.

Yes, sometimes I have to squash that programmed-in "unmissionary zeal."

Thanks guys. I knew you could help me see past my emotions.

Isn't it weird how mormons have some people scared sh@#less to say normal things. I'm the same way. I've avoided saying a word to a mormon co-worker about mormonism. Even when he bring it up I just nod. I'm afraid I'll say something and he'll quit.

I didn't talk about doctrine with him, just social stuff, because I work closely with him, and it's just not polite to bring religious conflict into the workplace. It's one thing to say "I believe thus and so," and another to basically say "your religion is full of shit because..." <grin> and sometimes it's really hard not to say the latter, especially if the person is a dick to begin with!

I agree its not polite to bring it into the workplace, but man it's so hard to avoid it with mormons. A conversation about American history and, whoops, stepped on a land mine, a comment about an archeological discovery, - BOOM, a co-worker shows up dressed wrong and the mormon starts to wail, out with a client who swears . . . mormon doctrine is like a weed that spreads through our culture and it's hard to acknowledge the interesting and beautiful without stepping on a mormon thorn.

Let me get this straight. The mormon convert guy you work with is moving on to another gig and before he goes, you want to slip him an essay that explains why you left church? Do I have that right?

Why? Has he asked you why you left? Have you been discussing if the church is true or not? If the answer to both of those last questions is no, then do not do this.

I really don't think I can make an argument for bringing your personal religion (or lack thereof as may be the case) into your professional life. I just don't see why it's relevant, or why it's this dude's business what your reasons are. Unless you're really that close and you've been going to lunch once or twice a week and have been talking about this sort of thing. BUt if you're not and you haven't been, then this is TMI. This is like having herpes and going around asking everyone at work if they want to know how you got it.

I saw that after I posted, but my advice stands. I don't think there's any reason to do this.

"This is like having herpes and going around asking everyone at work if they want to know how you got it."


Well, sort of, but not really. It's more like seeing something on your friend's lip and saying, "you know, you really should get that looked at."

I agree with dogzilla 100% on this.

And I like the herpes analogy. When I encounter someone with a breakout, I am aware of how much they wanted to just stay home instead of parading around with a lesion taking away all hopes of privacy for their condition.

Do you really think the herpes legion person needs you to tell them they should really see someone about that? Or did they agonize and perhaps shed a few tears this morning trying to cover the damn thing up. All the regular problems of life and on top of it they have a breakout.

Likewise, the Mormon has a mouth and is perfectly capable of asking you why you left the church. He hasn't because HE ISN'T READY TO HEAR THE ANSWER. It is his call.

The old saying goes "When the student is ready, the teacher will appear."

Notice it focuses on the STUDENT'S readiness, not the teacher's desire to expound.

If at some time in the future he is interested, he knows where you work. If you are the person he chooses to ask, he can contact you.

That's from a personal angle, now from the employment angle:

This action would be viewed as unprofessional and contrary to company policy should it ever come to the attention of your employer. It could be used against you if they should ever want to get rid of you--it could end up in your HR file as an example of your impaired judgment or failure to comply with company policies. It's a case of you having everything to lose and nothing to gain.

I promise you, you will never say to yourself, "I really regret not sending John an anti-Mormon letter before he left the company," whereas I have handled many cases where people have said, "What was I thinking in criticizing a coworker's religion?"

When it comes to poor judgment of an employee creating possible civil liability (and the huge fines that accompany same), employers usually just fire the person to make sure they were seen as taking decisive action immediately after learning about the violation.

Best

Anagrammy

I think it is wise to never get to deep with religion unless you are specifically invited to.

Things are different when another party brings up the subject. That provides a degree of permission to share your beliefs. But that is not absolute! First, if it is in the workplace, the responsible response is to defer the topic until some later time and place.

Second, you should have some idea of why the person is bringing up the subject. A common instinct* is to try to persuade other people why you are right, and they are wrong. And haven't we learned that there is never a magic bullet of logic, fact, testimony, reference, or scripture which will just convert that person? We fail to realize, or at least apply, the fact that people usually change belief systems not because of logic and argumentation, but because of personal needs and wants. (C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien being two notable exceptions.)

In short, just because you're allowed to, doesn't mean you should. That's why there are boards like this. So you can vent!

*"that programmed-in 'unmissionary zeal.'" A good phrase! We do change our beliefs, but not always our attitudes and reactions when we leave a cult.

If you were him, what would you want you to do?

Yeah, I am of the opinion that we should share the truth with Mormons if the topic comes up, but since he has never done so, I probably think you should not give him the letter.

Maybe he IS curious but doesn't feel right asking you. Maybe you could somehow mention on side note how you left or something. And if he engages you about it, ask him if he wants to know why you no longer believe. If he doesn't show any interest, drop it. If he does, then give it to him.

Another possibility is that he converted for his wife and thought "yeah sure, I'll convert, whatever," and hasn't given it a second thought because he doesn't care what religion he is or if he's a religion at all. If that's the case he might not care what Mo'ism REALLY stands for.

This board if filled with people who have really strong feelings about religion. Many people just don't give a sh!t.

Sometimes I envy them...

No, because it creates a hostile work environment. You want to be very cautious about bringing religious matters into the workplace. I would keep it professional.

Look at it this way -- he could be very helpful to you career-wise one day. I wouldn't burn any bridges.

Unless he approaches you about it, I'd wouldn't mettle. Let everybody have their own journey at their own pace. There's nothing wrong with swapping views, but I'd never go about it with the idea of getting someone else to "see the light".