My husband's family apparently decided to go bat-crap crazy all at once last week. They pride themselves on being a big, faithful, descended-from-pioneers Mormon family. And yet last week:

Oldest sister told me all about her conversations with my teenaged (at the time) nephew about his masturbation problem and told me how she thought it was a good thing his bishop was "humbling" him and "helping" him. She actually told him she had the same problem and thought he needed to be grateful to the abusive bishop who was "helping" him. BTW - this is her nephew too - not her son.

Sister just younger than my husband caught her second husband trying to set up online hookups with two different women. She confided in us he'd shoved her around in the past enough to leave bruises on more than one occasion. Yet despite the affairs and abuse, she's decided to believe his tears and tales and work on the marriage. She's sure her 50-year-old husband wants to change. They've only been married about 4 years - second marriage for both. She's prayed about it and feels good about staying and leaving him as a SAHD to her two elementary age boys (his step-children).

Youngest sister just borrowed $50,000 from my MIL to pay off her husband's compulsive spending habit. MIL is on a fixed income and had to borrow the money to loan it to baby sister.

MIL had to borrow the money because she blew all her life insurance money from her husband's death last year in less than 10 months. This was a fairly large chunk of money and I saw how she just partied with it until she's got nothing in the bank but what the state pays her monthly from her husband's pension and her social security.

These are all active, temple-recommend holding, believing Mormons. And what really kills me is that DH and I work hard, get along well, manage our money and our relationship just keeps getting better and better. Our kids are on the honor roll and no one is bruising anyone. But they'd consider us the most lost and tragic of the bunch if they knew how really out of the church we are. Currently, they assume we go most of the time because they live far enough away that it's none of their business and they are too self-absorbed, thankfully, to investigate. Anyway, I know other families in other lifestyles have problems too, I'm just bearing my testimony that the Mormon image of happy families is just that. An image that doesn't bear scratching the surface of. Some are really happy - some are hugely messed up. Just like any other families anywhere. Nothing to see here, folks. Just another piece of Mormon slight-of-hand. Nothing magic in Mormon family life at all.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/14/2013 09:36PM by CA girl.

Wow, CA girl. Thanks for sharing that. Ain't it the truth?

My two TBM sisters are completely dependent upon my idiot father. One of them lives with her children upstairs in his house. The other one lives in a rental house he owns. My youngest brother, though drug-addled, pretends to believe. His life is such a wreck that he has to hide in a room at fifty years of age. He owes child support and has warrants in a couple of California counties. My estranged older sister married an old man for his money and has frequent mental breakdowns that require hospitalization. She claims to believe in Mormonism, though she doesn't attend. I also have an impoverished and needy Mormon sister who lives in Colorado. She's a sweetheart, though.

My demonic atheist brother Jeff and I have intact, self-supporting families here in California. All the others hate us. But we live vibrant lives and love our children.

I tell you, I'm sensing a pattern here.

As with everything in life, it's usually better outside the Mormon church but Mormons will never see it that way. They are happy because they are obedient and think we are happy in a worldly way because of sin. And our happiness will not last because wickedness never was happiness.

The problem is it's all smoke and mirrors. Our happiness is real - maybe theirs is too. But there is nothing to envy in Mormon happiness and nothing to fear in exmo happiness.

You wrote "our happiness is real--maybe theirs is too."

I know wisdom when I see it. Thank you very much.

My TBM family is so dysfunctional.

My DH and I have a happy, solid relationship and two wonderful kids. Yet, because we left the TSCC, we are alcoholics and pagans.

My uncle died yesterday. I will be the only one not at the funeral, due to how far away we live, and the cost of flying. I will be talked about most definately. Did you hear about "her" in AZ? She and her DH have gone off the deep end. Geez.

I remember as a kid, being told that if you left the church, you'd most certainly become evil and have a horrible family life. You would never ever find happiness.

+100

The myth of mormon perfection is about as real as the BoA. But a hell of a lot more annoying.

armtothetriangle Wrote:
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> The myth of mormon perfection is about as real as
> the BoA. But a hell of a lot more annoying.

Very well said.

It's not my son - it's my nephew. He made the mistake in his early teens of confessing to the bishop about his little habit. So he wasn't allowed to take the sacrament or advance in time in the priesthood. That's why everyone knows about it - well, that and my wack-job SIL, (the sister in the above post with the abusive second husband.) She made sure everyone in the family knew why her son hadn't gotten set apart as a teacher - then later a priest. He'd do well enough to get the bishop to let him take the sacrament, or ordain him a teacher a year after all his friends, then slip up and the bishop would ban him from a temple trip or the sacrament. This went on all through his teen years - constant visits to the bishop for help and constant "humbling" experiences. It's still going on because he's 20 now and the bishop won't let him serve a mission until he gets himself under control. The low part IMO was when he was texting the bishop daily to tell him if he'd abstained that day or to confess if he fell off the wagon.

I was absolutely furious about all this but how do you talk to a teenage nephew about the fact some random, untrained adult is verbally, sexually abusing them when his parents are not only OK with it, but see the bishop as a wonderful, unselfish man who is helping their son? And his other aunt is talking about the benefits of being humbled by your weaknesses. Or talk about it period - because it would be so inappropriate. DH (it's his sister's kid) tried to talk to his sister and so did I but there was no getting through to her. This is the same woman staying with her obviously cheating husband - who, BTW, went to the temple with him the weekend before she caught him setting up an online hookup with a woman he didn't know.

This is where the bat-crap crazy comment came from.

Nowhere but in religion can you have an adult unrelated man texting a boy daily inquiring about his penis and not have the boy's parents up in arms.

This is one of the most obvious cult symptoms-- the dismissal of normal social constraints which protect children.

CAgirl, isn't it interesting that those of us under the control of Satan are more stable and enjoying life so much more? I can't help but think that the family dysfunction is encouraged rather than just tolerated. When people are pathetic, depressed, lonely, guilty and unhappy, it keeps them OBEDIENT and looking to magic to help them.

Intelligent, successful wage-earners (golden collars) who have learned to solve problems using their own wisdom and experience, who make decisions for their families using family values and the regular conscience instead of the mutant Mormon conscience...well, these folks bolt as soon as they find they've been lied to.


Anagrammy

That's exactly what happened with my husband and myself.
As soon as we realized, we were out of there. We didn't need to sit around and think about it forever.

We realized it one day, and were literally out within days. It took me about 20 minutes to convince my husband. We didn't walk out, we RAN. Not only that, my children came with us.

anagrammy - I found this to be true. Mormonism relies on peoples' dependence and the more you can support yourself, meet your own emotional and financial needs and use your own logic, the less you need Mormonism. So of COURSE they encourage your dependency on them. They like you to think "I don't know where I'd be without the church." Members don't think about the fact they might be better without the church. It's just too hard for them to process.

Thanks so much for sharing, CAgirl.

From one voice, the family nightmare is just a "lack of real faith."

From more than one voice, it is persecution of the saints.

From our whole society thinking Mormons are weird, it is the work of Satan in the last days, helping to sort the sheep from the goats.

Nowhere is there room for "it might be the truth because truth is stronger than fiction."

When your paradigm does not match reality, it's called "insanity." I personally think Mormonism makes people mentally ill and dependent so they can bleed them for life.


Anagrammy

That's just the stuff you KNOW about.

Please don't scare me imaworkinonit - lol. :)

I'm a regular poster here, but am also stalked by more than a couple of mormons. Apparently what I have to say about mormonism fascinates them. That's ok. Maybe they'll learn something. Maybe they will even realize they are entrenched in a cult.

So,about my wonderful TBM family that I was born into. This isn't real detailed. Just a very rough sketch. There's obviously way more to the story.

My grandfather was such an sob he drove his wife over the edge, and she spent most of her adulthood either in mental institutions or so drugged she didn't know what was going on.She was the TBM mother of 8 children.

Most of those children are train wrecks no matter how you look at it.

My mother was one of those children. She's been extremely depressed all of her life. She's had several mental breakdowns that nobody talks about. My father was a convert at 18. He's always pretended like he's the adoring wonderful person that he isn't.

Growing up, members of the ward thought we were the perfect mormon family and never missed the opportunity to say so. I was so stunned I would stand there in silence while they went on and on about how lucky I was to be born into that family. The end results speak for themselves.Up until I was about 18 not a single person in my family had read the Bom or anything else. That would include my grand parents, uncles, aunts, cousins, parents, siblings.

My siblings:
The oldest one(TBM) has a spouse(atheist) that likes to pretend he's a hobo. He goes to the rail road tracks and drinks to the point of no return. Who knows what else. They pretend they have the perfect marriage. Ok.

Next...Divorced after 30 years. Mental breakdowns, suicidal, extreme depression. Remarried right away. They live in separate states. Whatever.

And then, there's the perv. I don't even want to go into what that ones been up to. I don't want the F.B.I. knocking on my door.

After that we have a few more couples that have repetitive drug rehab, lying, stealing (I can't believe there's no arrests) cheating,divorce, online cyber affairs that turn into real life affairs. So many affairs nobody can count. Remarriages to foreigners half their age, new babies younger than grandkids, and on and on, Kids in jail and divorced.

Myself I've been married more than once, depression, anxiety, and a lot of therapy. I'm the only one who has left mormonism. I think i'm way better off because I did. Mormonism brought nothing but misery into my life.

I haven't even touched on the 40 some children that were born into of this turmoil. I would have to write a book.

There are members of the family that are convinced we are so much better off because we were born into mormonism. Myself, I am not convinced. I think it fed mental illness, narcissism, and a lot of grandiose thinking. Not to mention depression, anxiety, and distorted thinking.

I don't think an army of therapists could fix this mess. I've decided that the best thing for me, spouse, and children is to completely withdraw and go through therapy and whatever else we need to do to come out of this nightmare in a good way. We have circled the wagons so to speak. We are determined to overcome and rise above the poison that has been injected for generations.

Its almost impossible to sort out genetics, religion, sick thinking, culture, etc. I think we can do this though. We've made it a point to bond and stick together come hell or high water. So far, so good.

Wow. Yep, that's another good example of how Mormon families aren't better off for being Mormon. If I added in DH's extended family, I'd have to write a book too.

What I observe is thar mormon families (and non mormon) can be incredibly codependent. This messes with everyone. You never know where you stand. Passive aggression seeps in through everything. And most importantly, at least for mos, the message is clear that you can control other people (adults) and their decisions.

Personally, I stopped this comparison game a long time ago. If lds want to think I'm the devil or whatever, that's on them. I do the best I can and try to be a good person. I allow them the freedom to live their own lives and make their own decisions, as I hope they do the same for me.

And that Mormons live in a world ruled by their feelings and their emotions. Actually, not just Mormons but anyone who lives with their heart overruling their head, in a world of extreme, heightened emotions are going to have problems. When truth is ruled by feelings and your feelings are manipulated by someone else, you are so weakened in your ability to function independently.

Sounds like DW's TBM family. They were baffled that I didn't think their family was so much better off than my non-Mo family.

These Mormons are dealing with the trials and tribulations their god has given them. they need these trials and tribulations to increase their faith and dependance on their god.

So please don't refer to them as disfunctional. It's offensive to their god when he gives them these trials and tribulations.

They thank him every month in fast and testimony meeting.

Remember exmos...

Disfunction = trials and tribulations.

Trials and tribulations = increased faith

Increased faith = testimony

Testimony = temple recommend

Temple recommend = money to Monson

Monson = disfunction

Cycle continues generation upon generation throughout all eternity.

And yet any trials exmos and inactives face are directly due to their disobedience and hedonistic lifestyle.

Wait, if the Mormons are more troubled than those who leave Mormonism, does that mean it's the MORMONS who are on the wrong track and whom God are trying to sort out? Shocking.

My fiance comes from a family of 8 children. He is the only one on the outs-- we live in Utah. He and I both work full time, and raise my son (he raises him as his own.) We do pretty well for ourselves. Recently bought a house, planning a wedding we are paying for ourselves, all that.

All the rest of his siblings have multiple children and are very much in debt. His parents are your crazier doomsdayer mormons, and rent a home that is much too big for their budget. Their entire downstairs is full of expired food and other "doomsday" equipment. His father is too proud to find a smaller place, and hasn't worked since 1997, His mother works for a grocery store for a measly hourly wage, and they are struggling like mad.

One of his sisters has been married for about 8 years, and has had 5 kids in that time. Neither she nor her husband work, they live with his mother and of of the state. They recently tried to "borrow" money from us to go to Disneyland.

Recently, one of his siblings were venting to his parents about their financial woes. His parents told them to come to me and my fiance for money, since we're living in sin and don't deserve the prosperity and should pass it on to those striving to live the gospel,

It's insane.

Excuse the language, I would have told them to go f*** themselves!

shareesus Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> His parents
> told them to come to me and my fiance for money,
> since we're living in sin and don't deserve the
> prosperity and should pass it on to those striving
> to live the gospel,
>
> It's insane.

That is absolutely crazy. Isn't that how sharia law works?

Thus far, I have kept my mouth shut and been polite. I wanna marry their son cause he's the very best, but I know that after the wedding I shall avoid his parents like the black plague. Atleast my family is crazy too. Both our families are going to have a hell of a time at our booze laden wedding.

My family almost always put on a perfect face. Inside the walls of our home, we were deeply dysfunctional. My four siblings and I were physically and emotionally abused, and condemned if we ever questioned or challenged what was happening.

In the New Testament, Jesus says something about filthy catacombs being painted white to make them seem clean. I sometimes felt that that is what was happening with my family.

Thank you for sharing, CA girl.