For some reason, my first topic was closed. I am not sure whether this is due to the an accidental violation of the rules or some other reason. This is my first time posting, so I'm unfamiliar with how this works. Could somebody fill me in?

Here's the first topic: http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,1052024

In summary, I have the "invitation" to lose my virginity this weekend. I'm torn. One side of me says to go for it for (im)pure fun and experience. But I have reservations, and I can't decide if I'm nervous for good reason or just scared.

To slightly complicate things, there is a different girl that I do have interest in right now. There is real emotional interest on my part, but I have no idea if it's reciprocated (based on one date). I'd be happy with a slow, healthy relationship with her - but I have a very appealing "temptation" on the table.

If you are interested in helping me develop my thoughts, you may want to start by reading the prior thread. At the present moment, my current thinking is:

(1) Try to set up a date or activity with the girl I have a real emotional interest in. I'm completely inexperienced -- but I need to assess whether this could go somewhere or not. Any sort of physical and emotional intimacy with this girl - even just a kiss - would be enough to satisfy my present "needs".

(2a) Talk more with my potential "partner." Ask about birth control, viruses or diseases, etc. Very invasive questions since this person is basically a stranger, but all the more reason to ask.

(2b) I'm also thinking about proposing the idea what we don't cross a certain explicit boundary - for as curious as I am, the risk of disease and pregnancy scare me. I can't think of a "clean" way to say this, but I'm more interested in "exploring" (seeing and touching) than actual intercourse. This would preserve my virginity (if only technically), be fun and still push my comfort zone. I think she'd be willing.

As you can tell, this is a bit of a more conservative approach in many ways, especially since many of you said, "(safely) go for it!"

Your body, so your choice. Don't let other people influence how you look at the issue. Hopefully you look at the issues (seems like you have from your post above).

Having sex with a partner doesn't change much in your body... if you already are intimate/masturbate. (alone with yourself). It just adds emotional feelings and intimacy into the equation.

Don't get preggers or any STD's. They stay for life in some cases....and change everything.

You haven't violated any rules. Most threads are closed when the posts reach somewhere in the 30s. There are exceptions from time to time (condolence threads are usually allowed to go on until they finish "naturally," as an example), but most of the time, if a thread gets into the 30s, it's likely to be closed.

When I posted before, I did not fully understand the situation. Now that I DO "fully understand the situation" (I think!), my advice is about a 180-degree turnaround:

I'm not sure if you are really ready to take this further with EITHER person.

Certainly not the "first" person (the one you're not really interested in, except perhaps sexually). If you proceed with her, it sounds to me like you would basically be using her, and that's not fair or ethical (in my opinion). Since you're not interested, and you KNOW you are not interested, I think it's time to end that relationship before anyone gets hurts (most especially her, since she is the innocent party in the situation you have described). So: Don't ask about STD's, etc., just explain to her (if she would expect an explanation) and then bow out of an awkward situation that, evidently, should NOT go any further.

The second person: By all means ask her out. If the date works out well, a goodnight kiss will probably be welcome. If it's not, she will (likely very gracefully) let you "know" (by words or by her body language) that it's a "no go" for her. At which point, the "relationship" may well sputter out, because this is what happens to most people when this happens.

The "seeing and touching" that you're talking about is something that, had you been raised in a non-Mormon milieu, would probably have been satisfied to a large degree by the usual child's game of "Playing Doctor." Since you didn't have this experience, you're probably going to have to wait until you get a real relationship going with someone ELSE (a third person, presently unknown), and then you can proceed as it appears natural for both of you to do.

I'm concerned about the emphasis on "preserving your virginity." I understand that you're in the process of changing cultures, and the great real life difficulties involved in this, but this "preserving your virginity" need seems to be a pretty deep-seated desire in you, and I'm uncertain if this is healthy for YOU, or not. Above a certain age (and you're "at" this age right now), being a virgin in the NON-Mormon world is generally felt to be a handicap rather than a plus. Most non-Mormon females, at least the ones I am familiar with, do not expect their ADULT partners to be virgins, and generally perceive that a male who is a virgin past [a certain] age has some, probably "hidden," drawback that would not be a benefit to a potential relationship with him. (He may be asexual, he may have a low sex drive, or he may be challenged in some way like Asperger's, etc.)

In the non-Mormon world, virginity has negative worth among most adults.

That being said, you (probably, given what you have said) need to explore your sexuality within a relationship framework, and it is important that both parties know, at all times, "what" is going on so far as the relationship goes. (In other words, "using" someone for sex, when they do not know that this is what is going on, is ethically indefensible.)

So: you need to date, and you probably need to date at least a few women until you find someone who you like a lot and enjoy being with, and that person likes you in the same way in return.

At that point, you will know that kissing, touching, looking, and sexually exploring is right for both of you.

Regardless of "how far" any particular relationship goes, you will likely learn a great deal from each one...and your sense of confidence will expand as your experience grows.

This is my take.

Now it's up to you to find your own way forward.

We've all been there ("where" you are now)...and we've all arrived at the point where WE are now. And we all did it the same way: step-by-step.

You have my very best wishes on your journey of emotional and sexual adventure. :-)

Most threds close when they hit around 30, give or take. It's nothing personal. Just start a new one like you did. It's the way the system works here. No fault of yours.

By the way I agree with the above post Tevainotloggedin.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2013 02:45AM by madalice.

Start with kissing... making out. Don't just jump right into sex.

Try to go a date with the person you are actually interested in. Things will naturally evolve... and you will both most likely know when the time is right for sex.

upsidedown: Thanks for the words of advice. While to some degree, I recognize that I ultimately make my own choice, I think that some discussion is really helpful.

tevainotloggedin: I appreciate that you have taken some considerable time to form your responses. I would like to respond or explain myself a little better. I'd be curious whether your view stays the same or reverses back.

"I'm not sure if you are really ready to take this further with EITHER person." Based on what I'm comfortable with, it's easier to ignore sexuality altogether. Due to lack of experience versus lack of interest. Not sure that's healthy.

Regarding the first person: "If you proceed with her, it sounds to me like you would basically be using her, and that's not fair or ethical (in my opinion)"

She understands that I grew up as a "well-behaved religious guy," that "it's new ground," and that I want to "get the first time out of the way." Although as you saw in my original post, I'm thinking about drawing the line before that.

But from what I understand, and I've been pretty frank with her, she understands that it's a casual experience and seems okay with it. I could discuss this further with her.

The second person: I have a date set up with her. I think I am more frightened about trying to kiss her and getting rejected than having some "meaningless sex" with person 1.

"You're probably going to have to wait (for "seeing and touching" until you get a real relationship going with someone ELSE (a third person, presently unknown)."

I wouldn't try to this with person #2. BUT IF person #1 was aware of my intent and willing to be involved in some "show and touch" along with kissing (as opposed to intercourse), would this be a bad decision to make?

"I'm concerned about the emphasis on 'preserving your virginity.'"

This entire paragraph requires a huge paradigm shift on my part. Virginity is a deeply-rooted idea in my book, right or wrong.

"It is important that both parties know, at all times, "what" is going on so far as the relationship goes. (In other words, "using" someone for sex, when they do not know that this is what is going on, is ethically indefensible.)"

But is "using" somebody for sex, when they do know what is going on, ethically defendable? Assuming that the expectations are clear, does this situation lead to "meaningless sex" and "loss of virtue" -- or a better understanding of my sexuality?

queenb: Thanks for the advice! I'm gonna to try to push my physical/affectionate comfort zone a little bit with this upcoming date and see what happens. (End point: maybe a kiss?)

Not just "jumping into sex" seems reasonable and I'm okay with that. I guess what I'm looking for is really "petting" (everything but intercourse). I assume jumping into that may still be unreasonable.

Speaking as a woman. I would say that having sex with someone who isn't really interested in YOU as a person would be an empty experience. Lust is something that's easy to acquire. You can buy lust for a few bucks. Sometimes not even that, just a little flattery. Have you asked yourself whats in it for her? I would like to hear her answer.

Having a meaningful caring relationship that evolves into having sex is an entirely different thing.

madalice,

"What's in it for her?" I've asked myself that same thing. I have a few thoughts. I don't know which one it is, or whether it's justifiable:

- Possibly it is simply more exciting than the alternative of a Friday night alone.

- Possibly she has a strong sexual drive and would prefer poor sex over no sex.

- Possibly she empathizes or feels sorry for me, as I've expressed my upbringing, situation and the desire to explore. A "service project" of sorts.

- Possibly she has unrealistic expectations of what will happen.

- Possibly it's something else altogether.

I am sure she recognizes that this would be rather one-sided experience in terms of benefits. I won't be able to provide the same "quality" of sexual experience or stimulation as somebody else would.

This is one reason why I feel she may be open to "petting" or stopping before intercourse -- because to be blunt, I feel like we may both get the same amount of physical "satisfaction" regardless of intercourse itself is happening or not.

Rhetorical question.

Are any of these scenarios what you want?

Let me put it this way.

The first time I had sex, I could have cared less what anyone thought except the person I was having sex with. Nobody else mattered.

>> "What's in it for her?" <<

Your list is too complicated. Sex is simple. A lot of mormons don't understand this. Women don't have sex out of boredom (with just anybody), and they certainly don't do it as a service project. There are usually only 2 things that can be in it for a woman:

1) Superior genes (no, she doesn't want to get pregnant, she's just wired to be attracted to men with good genes to pass on to a baby)
2) A relationship

So if you're good-looking, what's in it for her is a good time. Your genes are your genes, no matter what your experience level. Otherwise she might be looking for something more than just casual sex.

And let me clarify. Good-looking doesn't mean you just look decent. Women can get pretty picky about looks when it comes to casual sex.

For those of you who have shared comments on the past thread, I'd be curious to hear if your opinion changes as the conversation goes along.

I don't plan to determine the fate of my virginity on a "popular vote." BUT Let me know if I'm misinterpreting this... or if you've posted in favor of one side but changed your mind... let me know. So far the feedback has been generally one-sided in favor of taking the risk for experience sake.

I feel like I could definitely still benefit from some contemplation of this, plus trying to set some rules and boundaries one way or the other. I don't have a firm decision yet - to bail out, to stick with "petting," or to just go for it.

Losing my virginity wasn't this complicated lol. I have to say though, I've never had a casual sexual encounter. All have been in relationships.

So maybe start there. It doesn't sound like you really want to have sex all that much anyway. That's totally ok. Do what feels right for you. And if you do decide to, for God's sake use protection.

No, my opinion hasn't changed. It's the indecision which tells me that you're not quite ready yet.

I'm 54, so I've learned from my own life that when you're ready for something, you just are. You're feeling ready. You're excited. You can't wait.

You can still be nervous. That's normal. But if you have to wonder if you should or you shouldn't, then you're not quite there yet.

Whenever anything's right, you just know it.

I think that would be terrifying.

Especially, speaking as a female - no matter how much you love the guy, or how gentle he is, IT HURTS. And it will hurt for a couple of days. It's minor, like a paper cut, but in a very sensitive place.

The stress of a wedding is bad enough - but wondering the whole time what this "sex thing" will be like would be (to me, anyway), an absolute nightmare. The sexual initiation part should already have been taken care of - gently and lovingly. And nobody needs to know about it except the parties involved.

The first time should MEAN something, so it should be with someone you care a lot about - love is even better. And for goodness' sake, be EXTRA careful about pregnancy and STD's - condoms and the pill at the very least.

Don't expect the first time to be like a symphony on a mountain top. It probably won't be. But that's not to say that it doesn't get better with practice.

And maybe I'm just old fashioned, but I can't see sex as just something else to do if you can't think of what to do on a date. I think there ought to be at least some degree of commitment and some sense of intimacy with your partner.

I've modified my thinking on this as well, based on the fact that you've never so much as kissed a girl. This is like saying that you want to climb Mt. Everest but that you've never gone hiking nor rock climbing. I would slow the process down and gain more experience in the preliminaries of sexuality. This will also help to enhance your experience when you do have sexual intercourse. If you are dating a girl, you both care about each other, and she doesn't want to get even mildly physical, beware.

Quit obsessing about diseases. Wear a condom and you're good.

Quit obsessing over a possible pregnancy. If you have your partner use foam or another method along with your condom, your chances of getting her pregnant are near zero.

Quit obsessing over virginity. Having it or not having it is not a measure of anyone's worth. It is not worth obsessing about one way or another.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2013 05:25AM by summer.

Really well said, summer!

Wait until you meet someone you love. You don't want it to be all about you - or else you might as well be doing it on your own.

My two cents, as someone who was once in a very similar situation as yourself.

When I started to date my now ex-wife, there was a Filipina girl who I was also friends with who very much liked me. I liked her as well, and we very probably wanted each other. At the time I was a 28 year old virgin, still attending church (though I had strong doubts at this time, I still more or less wanted to believe the fairy tale) and I had another woman who was showing interest in me as well. I was in a very unusual point in my life, two women clearly wanted to be with me.

The Filipina girl was clearly more compatible with me. We shared a very similar sarcastic sense of humor, had a similar outlook on life, and just had fun whenever we were together.

My ex was just looking to get laid. The Filipina girl on the other hand was pretty religious, and made it clear that while she wasn't exactly saving herself for marriage, she didn't put it out there, unless she was at least in a stable relationship. Naturally, I went with the easy choice, and I went on a date with my ex first.

This was when the Mormonism kicked in. Even though I was a doubting Mormon at this time, I still felt really guilty. I ended up pressuring my ex to stay with me, and to even marry me within a few months of our having sex, because I thought it was necessary for me making it all right with the Lord again. Meanwhile, I lost contact with the Filipina girl, who moved. I lost what would probably would have been a fun loving relationship, for one with a woman that never respected me, all over one casual sex encounter.

Now, I could have slept with my ex, then decided it wasn't working, and gone after the Filipina, but I had enough Mormonism rolling around in my head, that I also thought she wouldn't want me, even if I explained I made a mistake with the other girl. Possibly, she would have thought I was just rolling from one girl to the next, but I shouldn't have let this have stopped me.

To make matters worse, I actually originally had a date set up with the Filipina girl, on the night I first went out with my ex, but it got canceled when her schedule got changed. In my mind, I always wonder what would have happened if I went out with her that night instead. Possibly, we would have had a long beautiful relationship, developing into a healthy strong marriage, while on the other hand we may have dated a few times, then burned out on each other, or she may have even become my ex-wife herself. It's something I always wonder about.

It's your choice, but if it were me, I wouldn't complicate things with the person I really like right now, for an easy one time fling.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2013 05:41AM by forbiddencokedrinker.

I remember when my bishop told me how much i had sinned then i was thinking to myself I feel like i love this girl and i dont feel at all evil or bad. I experienced zero guilt why wonder what life is all about experience it! Good luck be smart

If we were not told how naughty sex is, we wouldn't think twice about it. The only time you should feel guilty about sex is if you hurt someone else physically or emotionally. The bishop and your parents don't count.

You only live once.

Earlier you asked for the perspective of a NeverMo, about what is normal.

There is no right and wrong -- it's about what you are comfortable with.

That said, in the non religious world, there is no expectation any longer that someone will remain a virgin until married. Most men and women I met while single (I am only recently married) lost their virginity in their teens. Sometimes they were emotionally committed to the other person; sometimes they just wanted to experience sex. Sex is no longer just for relationships. Sometimes you feel lust and go for it. It's acceptable for men AND women these days to have sex without the emotional/relationship attachment. Women still tend to stir up feelings when they have sex, but many adult women know the difference between relationship sex and lust sex, and can walk away from the latter without feeling hurt.

It sounds like you haven't yet gone on a date with the woman you like. Is that correct? If so, then you can experiment sexually with this woman who has offered to help you explore, without the woman you like getting mad. However, if you have gone out a few times with the woman you like, and there is an expectation on her part that you are in a relationship, then she will rightfully be upset that you are cheating on her.

IMHO, you are overthinking things. Sex is natural. Only religions make it into something that is bad. It is best experienced in a committed relationship, but sex is natural -- threes nothing wrong with sex between two friends who are both on the same level with regards to expectations. "Friends with benefits" or "Boinking buddies" are perfectly fine. Any woman in the future who doesn't like that you have a sexual past is not someone you should want to date. It's a clear signal that she is either overly religious or controlling (or both). Non-Mormon adults expect that their future spouse will have some sexual experience. It's actually a benefit. Training a person in the basics of sex is not fun.

It sounds to me that you aren't ready for sex. You need to experience your first kiss. Get to first base before you try to hit a home run.

Btw, I think the woman that is willing to have sex with you is doing it out of friendship. She wants to help out a guy who has been sexually repressed. What she gets out of it is that she is helping someone else. You should make sure that she also gets some sexual enjoyment out of it. If you have sex, Touch her. Ask her what feels good. The secret to good sex is that by making your partner feel good, you get more enjoyment. Sex is a fun, two-way street.

Indecisive,

The majority of people, after understanding your situation, have told you not to do it. I'm one of them. You have no business having sex wtih a girll that you don't care about.

If you're that curious, there are always CPR dummies!

You need to wait until you find a relationship with a girl with reciprocal, long-term interest, or you'll cheapen sex and ruin it for yourself forever, particularly given that you want to have a family.

Have you ever heard of the marshmallow study? Psychologists did a study to see how much willpower children had. They offered them one marshmallow now, or more later, if they could get themselves to wait. The children who were able to distract themselves and wait were followed up later in life, and found to be much more successful than the children who couldn't. You need to be able to delay gratification, or, rather than enjoying a relatively greater degree of freedom than your peers so that you can determine your own fate, your feelings, such as lust, will trap you. You'll become their prisoner, rather than making freer, rational choices that, over the long term, will have greater rewards. (Read about both delayed gratification and "temporal discounting.")

As for petting the girl that you're not interested in as opposed to having intercourse with her, while it's not nearly as bad of an idea as having sex with her, why bother? If you're interested in the second girl, but not the first, what would it say to the second girl if she found out that you were petting the first while seeing the second because you can't wait? You're not painting a flattering picture of yourself.

Also, you're trying to couch all of this as if it were some type of decision to be *computed*. It's not. It's a decision that should be based on values, which are deeper than decision rules and data. Values are grounded in culture. What kind of husband do you want your future wife to have: a horny toad buffeted around randomly by his random emotions, or a reliable, committed, and upstanding pillar of the community?

Your decision is about a lot more than just sex, even though it may not seem like it at first glance. It's about character, and character truly is destiny. You have a choice: the low road, or the high road. Easy things are easy for a reason: they're cheap. Difficult things are difficult because nothing worth having is easy to find or achieve. I think, without realizing it, that you're letting your lust dictate your behavior, and you're just looking for a way to justify and legitimize your body's lust so that you can somehow get collective permission from us to have sex with, or pet, the girl that you're not interested in.

I, for one, refuse to give it!

This is about character. If I were a girl, contemplating going out with you, on a serious basis, and I knew that you'd been engaged in cheap thrills (petting is just the beginning, and once you've had one cheap thrill, it will only escalate until you've lost all respect for women and indulge every whim that your body has), I'd reject you in a heartbeat.

I'll close with a warning, from--of all people--Ayn Rand.

Here is how she viewed HEDONISM:

"I am profoundly opposed to the philosophy of hedonism. Hedonism is the doctrine which holds that the good is whatever gives you pleasure and, therefore, pleasure is the standard of morality. Objectivism holds that the good must be defined by a rational standard of value, that pleasure is not a first cause, but only a consequence, that only the pleasure which proceeds from a rational value judgment can be regarded as moral, that pleasure, as such, is not a guide to action nor a standard of morality. To say that pleasure should be the standard of morality simply means that whichever values you happen to have chosen, consciously or subconsciously, rationally or irrationally, are right and moral. This means that you are to be guided by chance feelings, emotions and whims, not by your mind. My philosophy is the opposite of hedonism. I hold that one cannot achieve happiness by random, arbitrary or subjective means. One can achieve happiness only on the basis of rational values. By rational values, I do not mean anything that a man may arbitrarily or blindly declare to be rational. It is the province of morality, of the science of ethics, to define for men what is a rational standard and what are the rational values to pursue."

If you won't listen to reason, I really don't know what more anyone can say.

You asked us a question, and I'm answering, again, with a resounding:

NO!

Steve

These CPR dummies you speak of, do they come with a fleshlight pre inserted into the right spot, or do I need to get a knife?

I think he will appreciate sex with someone he loves if he's not a virgin the first time with her.

Why is it that we view sex as one of the few experiences that are best enjoyed by novices? You won't spoil your appetite by eating a week before Thanksgiving.

Just a thought...IF this woman already has experience, the answer to "what's in it for her" just might be the fact that she wants to experience of a male virgin...out in the real world (non-Mormon) I'm guessing females in the twenty range don't get a chance to have sex with one of them. Maybe she is thinking this could be a unique experience on her part too. (don't know her so don't know for sure)

BUT if she is experienced, and you're not, at all....don't be surprised if you don't last a whole long time..things could get pretty intense for you right away. Just don't want you to end up with this unhealthy dose of guilt that you didn't have time to pleasure her first. I would guess she's not really worried about that, but is more looking at the "fun to teach you" aspect.

From the outside looking into the Mormon perspective, I see way too much over analyzing going on in these threads. IT'S ONLY SEX. She's willing and knows the score. Use protection and go enjoy yourself.

And as for hurting when a female loses their virginity...female here. We all must be different, because it didn't hurt me at all...nadda..none.

More advice. Two bulls, a young impulsive bow, and an old wise bull stand on top of a hill together, overlooking a heard of cows.

"Let's run down there and f--k some of those cows," the young bull says.

"No," the old bull rejects this idea as foolishness. "Let's walk down there, and f--k all of the cows."

Don't be so eager to screw the first offer you get, that you blow it with the one you want. Go after the girl you want, and if she doesn't want you, then go back to the other girl. Just don't tell either of them this is your plan.

Just for the record, I know this is first class advice, as I have spent my entire life, and still do, doing it the wrong way. It isn't easy in practice as it is in reality. Either way, do what you want, treat everyone with respect, and don't hate yourself if you make a few mistakes along the way.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2013 07:52AM by forbiddencokedrinker.

"In summary, I have the "invitation" to lose my virginity this weekend. I'm torn. One side of me says to go for it for (im)pure fun and experience. But I have reservations, and I can't decide if I'm nervous for good reason or just scared."

I really think you're over-analyzing this. For a guy to waffle and waver over this means you're NOT ready.

Do you like her?
Are you attracted to her?
Might there be a relationship to move forward in? If no, then you should not do it since it is causing you so much grief.


FWIW...NORMAL guys (nonmo) would jump at the chance...


I almost wonder if you might be gay...not that there is anything wrong with that..

Being a 20-something virgin is not normal. If he were 15 he wouldn't think twice about this. The church really overemphases sex and makes it a bigger deal than it really is.

I don't detect anything "gay" about a virgin guy being nervous. Just relax and let it happen. A little alcohol helps, but too much makes things no longer function properly.

"Lechery, sir, it provokes and unprovokes. It provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance. Therefore, much drink may be said to be an equivocator with lechery. It makes him, and it mars him; it sets him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him, and disheartens him; makes him stand to and not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him." Macbeth 2:3

Lots of people on here assuming that all women are not in to casual sex or that a woman has to be in love and feel all warm and fuzzy about the person. This is a really old world way to view things. I'm a woman and I certainly never needed to feel in love with the person nor did having sex make me want to be in love with them. Some of us woman can separate sex from love and are totally OK with that. I didn't sleep with everyone I met, but sometimes a casual romp in the hay can be quite satisfying and sometimes super hot. All woman are different. Sounds like this girl knows exactly what the situation is and is still up for it- so what? She can make that choice for herself. It's not a bad or immoral choice, just a simple choice about a few minutes of your life. Maybe her choice is making out and feeling each other up- great. Maybe it's going all the way- so what? It makes no difference as long as you guys are both in communication and on the same page.

I still say- do it. SOunds like she knows the situation and wants to. The longer you wait, the more hesitant you will be and the stranger it will seem to non-mormon women that you are a virgin. Just confirm that she is on the same page as you are about the situation, use a condom and birth control- just do it.

+ a million.

People need to get over these outdated and ignorant views on female sexuality.

Go out with the woman that you like.

First follow your heart. If that falls through then follow your d--k.

You regret lost opportunities a lot more in life than trying something that doesn't work out.

First of all, you need to break your wrapper. Until you finally have sex, you are stuck in this Mormon mentality that it is "sacred" and must be "special" to be good.

The first time I had sex, I was surprised by a few things:

1) How much my body new want to do. I moved and reacted in ways that I never imagined. Sex is very instinctual. Our bodies are very attuned to sex and we are well programmed to do it. Sure, you will learn some new techniques and what works better for you and your partner, but it shocked me how much my body knew without any prompting from my conscious brain.

2) Before I did it, I imagined that it would be fun but then I would be crushed by guilt afterwards. Well, it was fun, but I was surprised at how little guilt I felt. It was perfectly natural, no one got hurt, and no one but the two of us ever knew it happened. The church has built up sex to be this massive thing and it's really not. No one needs to know about your sex life but you and your partners. This was a major blow to my belief in the church, as I realized that sex is a normal, safe activity as long as you watch out for your physical and emotional health.

3) Beware of virgin love. This person just gave you the best physical pleasure you have experienced in life. As one of my friends put it, "I'm having sex! I'm in love him/her!" Don't confuse the joys of sex with a real connection with someone.

4) Sex instantly brings you a lot closer to that person, for good or for bad. There will always be that intimate bond even if you never speak again. Just keep this in mind before you hop into bed.

5) Once you break the seal, you may experience a "slut phase". This happens to a lot of gay guys and I wouldn't be surprised if straights do this. It's normal experimentation. As long as you are safe about, it is not a problem. Mine lasted about a year and I probably slept with more guys in that year than I have before or since.

6) Once I finished this phase, I realized that sex is a drive that wants to be fulfilled. It can be fun, but having sex with someone you don't care about is a hollow pleasure. I'm not saying you have to be madly in love or be with your soulmate, but you will probably enjoy it more with someone you care about.

7) Women are different from men, so my advice is limited to one side. Just be careful you are ready for any emotional attachment you or she may develop, especially since it may not be reciprocated.

8) Sex is messy. It can be awkward. It can be painful. It's not like porn, where they edit out the less glamorous parts.

Good luck, take care of yourself and your partner, and have fun.

You're going to do what you want, regardless of what any of us think.

But what you're considering is like jumping on a motorcycle without ever learning to ride a bike.

You've never even kissed a girl. Having sex with a basic hook-up will ruin your chances with the girl you really like.

Don't be that person, don't be the jerk who chases after one girl while using someone else for sex. Sex will happen for you. This is not your one and only chance. Wait until you're in a relationship and it means something.