We left the church a year ago. But my 7yr old daughter is still singing primary songs. And she keeps telling us that she wants to be baptized like her "cousins". Even though we've talked about other options. Her persistence is breaking my heart. Normally I shake it off, and just continue about the day. But how would you handle the situation when a child starts singing songs about baptism, or talks about being baptized. She seems to understand why we left. And is even open to telling others that JS was a liar. LOL. But the baptism thing is really important to her. Has anyone else been through a similar situation?

It sounds like she's just loving the idea of being the centre of attention for her special day and getting treats and things afterwards.

Maybe you need to sit her down and tell her all about what being baptized means. It's not about the special day, but a commitment to work really hard and to give them her money.

Offer to have a special day to celebrate her, that's not her birthday.

Also, you're the parent. Just firmly let her know that this is not your family's religion anymore and there will be no baptism and no attendance at this church.

Take her to a nice lake or river, might be cold this time of year though, and baptize her in the name of the earth, moon and stars.

There are many types of baptism, maybe she'll go for that?

I was thinking something like that. "I baptize you as Jennifer," or whatever her name is. I charge you to always be true to yourself and your own happiness. May you have more happy days, than sad," etc. Whatever you're fondest wishes for her are as her parent.

I have a sneaking suspicion that some "cousins" are behind your daughter's obsession.

Little girls love to play house, so...play house. You can "baptize" her at home--say a poem instead or list your daughters wonderful traits as you sprinkle water, glitter, or imaginary fairy dust on her head. Have a party afterward with your husband, daughter and yourself. Get a cake, buy her a present for her big day. She feels left out amongst her older cousins and wants to have an experience where she feels special too.

And teach your child NEW songs...non-Mormon songs, little kid songs. Buy her kid music CD to sing along with and sing them with her. She'll eventually forget the old ones.

How 'bout a pool party for her 8th birthday?

These are such wonderful ideas! Ill have to remember for when my kids are nearing that age.

My daughter is also 7. Set to be baptized in Jan. She sort of knows why i don't like the church but still wants to do it because all he friends are doing it. I would be thrilled if she opted out, but there is way too much family pressure. If she wants to do it ill support her. Tons of people get baptized then leave the church so I'm not overly worried. She's still quite sad that the bishop won't let me perform the dunk. I simply told her that I'll take her on a daddy daughter date to a fancy dinner and the ballet. She's now just as excited for the date.

SHE will not decide to "opt out"!
YOU are the parent and so, in CHARGE of all "opts" !

But I am not the only parent. I am trying my best to be honest while keeping my family together. If i forbid my girl from getting baptized then to her I am the bad guy. Right now she sees the church as unfair and mean. I am choosing to support her decision so she doesn't have to choose between mom and dad.

And you're doing what's right. Hope all turns out well for your entire family.

My Mom's favourite expression was always, "I don't care what your friend is doing. That doesn't mean that you have to do it too."

"But, Mom! Her Mom lets her."

"Well I'm not her Mom. I'm your Mom, and the answer is still, "No.""

Parents are too afraid of disappointing their children these days.

Of course, if there's a TBM spouse involved, that always complicates things.

I love what visiting said. It sounds like a wonderful idea.

It's the perfect age for her to start. It's loads of fun, all while learning valuable life skills.

I remember very similar circumstances with my daughters and cousins. Instead of saying "no" I said, "sure, you can be baptized any way you like, once you turn 18".

We had primary songs being sung for a couple years. They faded away, along with desires for baptism as we created new family traditions,.celebrations, interests, and friends. Took about 2 years for us.

BOUNCED Wrote:
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> "sure, you can be baptized any way you like,
> once you turn 18".

That's the other alternative. If I had children, I'd definitely tell them that they had to wait until they were 18.

I think that when my daughter turns 8, if we are still in the church, I will give my blessing for her to be baptized. I won't attend, but maybe my relatives will be.

I want my child to be baptized, because a non-baptized person is gold to members. They will treat my daughter in a very fake/kind way. Once she's baptized and the church puts her in the grinder, it won't be so pretty. I think that being a closet non-believer for a few months did me a lot of good. I realized that even the most moderate of members says some of the most awful things because they believe they are true.

I see it as a public bath that children are coerced into doing. Once they become a teenage and had a desire to think for themselves they will either become the queen bee (and maybe stay mormon forever) or they will be shunned and I will be able to point out the scriptures and apostles words that encourage such actions. Hopefully I can give her free space to make up her own mind.

Haha, a pool party for her bday!! What a great idea!

I think we'll go the route of making some sort of special event. The hard part is how much she wants her grandparents and cousins to be part of her special day. So sad, we have such high suspicion that TBM family won't support anything different. I hope we can do something for her that won't cause her pain from lack of grandparents being present or treating her cousins differently, etc.

I have children around the same age & we recently left too, so I'm thinking that you need to do further explaining about why you don't want anything to do with the Mormon religion anymore. Even though she hears that JS lied, you might need to expand on why you don't support such an organization and the negative aspects associated with it. After we explained these things to our children they have never wanted anything else to do with that church again. We explained it at an age appropriate level and talked about why we can't support a dishonest, damaging organization like that.

Tell a story about a young boy who lied to his friends and family because he wanted to be special. He told a real whopper.His lie was so big he was too embarrassed to admit it was a lie so he had to keep adding to it to try and make it look like the truth. His mother wrote about this boys life. She said that he was very good at telling stories and making people believe they were true.

He told people that he saw a talking salamander in the woods. Then he built on that lie, and the salamander became an angel. And the lie got bigger and bigger until it turned into a story about him seeing God and Jesus. That lie is still growing, and there are a lot of people who believe it. They haven't done any research, so they still think the lie is the truth.

You found out the truth, and you don't want to be any part of that lie. You also don't want her to be caught up in that lie. It's a lie that will cost you money, and encourage you to make bad decisions, and you don't want that for her.

She needs to hear why it's a lie, and what that could mean for her if she goes along with it.

Thanks for the new perspective! I will talk more about leaving primary and the church more openly at her level. We've talked some, but I think she may be confused by overhearing a lot of our topics without fully understanding all the changes. Thankfully our younger children aren't really influenced by it at all. Glad they don't even remember it. Just our 7yr old. Today she asked if we could go to the Halloween trunk or treat. lol. Told her we'd look for a different fun festival.

anony Wrote:
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Today she asked
> if we could go to the Halloween trunk or treat.
> lol. Told her we'd look for a different fun
> festival.

Not sure where you live, but even in the "Morridor" I'll bet there is another church, or a school, having a Halloween or Harvest festival. In my area, most Catholic schools, our neighborhood public school, and a Presbyterian church all hold well-attended Halloween festivals every year, and they are open to everyone. Your local paper should list them. Or throw one yourself for friends and neighbors (and cousins) if you have the time...