So here's my story, which I know will sound familiar because the church really doesn't improvise very far from the usual shtick (maybe in other countries it does, I haven't seen it there.)

I like and dislike the way the church tries to get you when you're down. On the one hand, the idea of people trying to lend a hand when you need one doesn't bother me to this day. And I think the LDS missionaries are mostly (in my experience) more reasonable about this than most. If I had to join one, I'd rather deal with the Mormons than the JW's or Christian Scientists. Of all the "cults" I've ever studied, I think Mormons are the most harmless.

But requiring the least of converts means a greater tendency for bait-and-switch, which I find repulsive and dishonest. The missionaries rarely no better, being young and well indoctrinated, I'm hesitant to say "brainwashed" but there are elements of that, certainly. It's a subtle, relatively mild form of brainwashing, if you can call it that, because someone's given a destination and so little control is given, you mostly run your life. Well, until you get to a mission, then I imagine they tell you everything but when you can pee.

I didn't think I'd be signing on to something deeply homophobic, or that a year later they'd be explaining in great detail why God forbids masturbation. By then I was actually trying to resolve all this, and the church is happy to help. I couldn't judge people for being human, I could passively accept the "truth" behind what people were telling me about these things. It really sucked.

When I joined, and for less than 15 years, I really felt like I was getting a family. That meant a lot. I met some good people, I always felt like I was picking out the few people who were nice out of a group of people that I'd never belong with. Even then, it was too late for it to dawn on me that it was Total B.S.

I think I might have even found it curious that the authorities didn't "get" this stuff. Many seemed unusually familiar with the religion compared to other churches, which impressed me at the time. But the Spirit of the church had inconsistencies that they always tried to resolve with irrelevant scriptures. I was always kind of "too smart" for them, don't get me wrong though, most of the time they were smarter and pulled me right back in.

I don't even remember the last time I took the church seriously. 10 years ago, I was nearly atheist again. Now I see things in a way that is very ecumenical, syncretic, open. I think atheists are usually right. I think theists are right sometimes. I don't think the two are so irreconcilable, and I expect nothing of atheists except humanism, which I hope doesn't include bible-burning. The works of religious nuts and the works of respected scientists both deserve a place in the library, probably not in the same section. (Though I'm pretty sure we're better off sticking to Evolution in schools.)

I still liked the idea of brotherhood. I still liked the idea of family. I liked the promises made, even though some of them are surely impossible, I liked the idea that we would look after each other, but in a sort of Christian way. I do not consider myself a Christian, being that it's too small a religion for my preference, but I still admire Christians who act on their highest beliefs, and don't worship fake leaders or themselves.

I will never find those things in the Mormon church. Yes, there are a few very nice people there like you and me, and who knows what they're doing there. I had a friend who never went with the rest of them, maybe he was just a "Good Cop," I guess I'll never know if he was a sincere friend or not.

Today I have more friends than the church ever gave me, but I still hate the broken promise. I offered it to a few people myself, and I hate to see it go unfulfilled.

At any rate, no good church would ever leave so many people wondering if they ever had real friends in it. So I think the church stinks, and I don't think that's an unfair assessment. I do feel a little less alone, having had a chance to tell people who (mostly) know what I mean, I still think it's a terrible shame though (and really I did before I joined,) that no such place exists.

There really ought to be a chapel somewhere, where people are mostly decent, mostly honest, and not crap.

I've met a few really nice Christians in more than one faith who are like that, but I'm not a Christian, I'm an Ex... Silly Person Who Was Unhappy And Promised Something Empty.

Growing up, I had no religion. I wasn't even raised atheist. I had the most agnostic upbringing I could possibly imagine. I laughed (before I ever went to grade school) at the idea of people trying to win over some supernatural being. Cartoons were more plausible.

And I guess I grew more pliable with time. But I always did believe in something better than this. Not an afterlife, and not a utopia. Just... Progress of some kind. I've had cynical days, and crises of personal faith, but I don't think they'll ever pry away the feeling that Man is supposed to evolve into something a little more reasonable and caring.

I dunno, used to believe God and Jesus were living on another planet somewhere, so maybe it's just more crazy-talk. But we're a pretty crazy species, and we were before I was born. So I'll take responsibility for my share, but no more than that. And I'll set aside a little portion of that blame for the mormons. 9 out of 10 of them, at any rate.

The broken promise of a spiritual family, being there for one another in a real way, friends that remain faithful where ever life takes you... It's the biggest betrayal for many converts. I was always surprised like you that many born in the church were so ignorant of their own religion and lacked that impulse to be real friends, a real spiritual family as so many converts were lead to believe and expected.

I do still believe human beings are more than just intelligent animals and that we will continue to evolve beyond the here and now. At least that is my hope.

Mine too, Cheers.