My cousin, TBM, who is in her mid 20's on her first boyfriend ever, with whom might I add was also her first date.. have been dating for 3 months..... He is a non member and a really great guy. He has piercings etc and is very good looking....

When they first started dating she "warned" him I was the exmo of the family (in a joking way, we are very close) and now they are talking marriage and he is taking his piercings out etc....... He is doing this because his goal is to make her happy and then he will be happy. He says it makes him happy so I am supportive. But should I breach the subject with them if there is talk of him joining tscc? Or should I just be supportive.

When he and I first met we talked church chat a few minutes and I gave him resources. I am just afraid he will join to make her happy and to be with her and down the road he won't be happy and just doing things to make her happy.....

That's tricky... In your position I would politely offer to answer any questions that he might have about the church and/or your experiences in the church. Other than that I would say that you should support him to the level you are comfortable. Mormon or not, if he is a great guy then you should treat him as such... no sense alienating anyone else over the church.

There is certainly something to be said for not sticking one's nose into others' business, however, this should not be applied to all situations.

When it applies to joining the Mormons in order to get married in a Holy House of Handshakes, with all that entails, remember that he's going to get the bait-and-switch unless someone fills him in. I'm a big believer in informed consent. He needs to know what he could be in for.

They'll never leave him alone, as long as he's "one of them"; 10% tithing, attendance, time commitments for worthless callings, you know! He needs to know exactly what the temple is really like.

If they really want to get married, they should not get married in the HHH. If you do care about him, he should know. You'd be doing him a favor.

Back when my fiance (25 yrs ago) cheated on me continually, everyone who knew him knew it. Not one person told me, for years. I was very hurt that not one person cared about me enough to tell me, they just let me continue stumbling blindly along. When I asked a couple of people who I thought were my friends, they said "I didn't want to get involved".

What bullsh**. Don't do that to him, unless you hate him.

You make a good point (that was part of my elipsis)

The problem is that if dude doesn't want to know, nothing Searching27 says will matter. Plus, if Searching27 starts to push the information that a TBM might consider "anti" he risks alienating and damaging an otherwise good relationship with cousin and dude.

If we start trying to impose our beliefs to the point of damaging friendships and family relationships we are no better than the church.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/08/2011 07:45PM by strivingforbalance.