I think the exec sec is mentally ill. After repeated texts and phone calls from him trying to set up an appointment with the Bishop, it got so annoying that DH finally told him that we would contact the Bishop when our schedule permits.

Then, tonight DH and I went to a movie to celebrate our anniversary and I have 7 missed calls from this guy in the span of 10 mins. WTF is his problem? I have also told him the whole don't call us, we'll call you bit. Unfortunately, instead of backing off this guy is getting more aggressive.

I know the easy answer is to resign and I wish I could but can't at this time. DH is TBM/NOMish and it would break his heart (not to mention my TBM in-laws would make our lives a living hell).

Anyway, is there any way to get them to back off without raising any red flags? Is it even possible?

Make the appointment and then don't show up.

Bingo! We have a winner.

Ron

Just make sure to return the call at 3 am. Speak loudly.

It's harrassment. He learned on his mission to be persistent.
You could threaten him with the cops. Keep a record of what he does in case you need documentation.

think about reporting him to the phone company if not the police. Can you block his #?

It's a sure antidote for telephone harrassment.

I agree with madiran, make the appointment and then don't show up. This guy has an obsession with reporting back to the bishop that he contacted you and set up the appointment. A few experiences like this and the bishop will not be so interested in an appointment. If he persists after that, suggest the local coffee house for the meeting.

I would call the Bishop and tell him if the guy doesn't back off, you'll be calling the police to report him as a stalker. That you've already told him that you'll call when you've got time, so he needs to just stop.

The easiest solution is to make the appointment, but make excuses about probably not being able to keep it...so as to imply you'll do your *best* to attend. Then don't.

This bozo will check off his box and that will be the end of it. If the Bishop complains, explain that you tried to reason with his exec sec, but he was determined to set up an appointment anyway, even though you told him you probably wouldn't be able to make it due to your schedule. He was willing to accept it on those term, so you had no obligation after that. So Sorry if Bishop was sitting around... LOL.

Then don't worry about it---its their problem and your TBM husband can deal with it at church if the bish says anything, which he won't most likley cause they look like fools.

If you make the appointment and don't show, this guy will harrass you.

I would answer the call and before he gets to talking say 'oh, just hang on a moment', leave him hanging on, and on, and on, and on...etc

Do this every time he calls and he will run up a big bill AND get the message.

Resigned or not, this turkey has no business harrassing you. No one has the right to do that.

You can send him or the bish a certified letter telling him not to contact you in person, by phone, or through any other electronic means.
Any further contact will result in legal action.

Such a letter usualy stops collection agencies cold.
A friend of DH's owns a couple of collection agencies and once they receive such a letter they MUST stop all contact.

If the harrassment continues once the letter is received , file a restraining order.

this absolutely falls under my state's stalker laws, not sure about where you are. at the very least you'd have documented proof of his behavior in case it gets worse. That behavior sounds more like there's something wrong with this guy beyond mormonism.

Why all the advice to beat around the bush, make appointments and not keep them, etc? Mormons are NOT used to people being direct with them. I think if you are direct, and make him a little uncomfortable about his odd behavior, he'll back off.

for example:
"Dude, I told you I'd call when it was convenient for me. But you keep calling and calling, and it's getting annoying, even kind of weird. You called 7 times in 10 minutes. Why? PLEASE STOP NOW. I have the bishop's number, and I'll call him on MY terms, not YOURS."

If he calls again, tell him that he has disrespected your wishes, then talk to the bishop and tell him this behavior is stalking and is unacceptable. If it continues, or escalates then go to police.

You do NOT need to resign to create acceptable boundaries. Sometimes resigning helps, but not always. Especially if one spouse is still in. I think it's important to consider your spouse's feelings on this issue. Resign when the time is right for you and your family, and not under outside pressure.

You said:
"After repeated texts and phone calls from him trying to set up an appointment with the Bishop, it got so annoying that DH finally told him that we would contact the Bishop when our schedule permits."

OK, first you weren't answering the requests, then DH said you would contact the bish when your schedule permits. Ignoring the initial calls is passive-aggressive. Then making up an excuse which is obvious bullshit is compounding it. Your schedule permits. You don't wish to talk to the bishop, and you are refusing to say so. He's trying to get get you give an honest answer.

Tell him you are not interested in talking to the bishop, and if you ever change your mind, you know how to get ahold of him. I bet he will stop calling.

Some people just get really grumpy about being bullshitted. A lot of us here are pretty grumpy about being bullshitted by LDS Inc. More bullshit is not a good solution, and that includes making an appointment and not showing up.

Just tell him the truth. It not only has integrity, it will probably work.

If you string him on, he will gladly cling to the string. Tell him that you are not interested in meeting the Bishop. Don't fight dishonesty with dishonesty.

DO NOT CALL ME, OR YOU WILL BE REPORTED TO THE POLICE FOR STALKING AND HARASSMENT." He gets one warning. Then, you call the authorities.

Also, you should let the bishop know that this will not be tolerated.

I'd be tempted to show up at the douchebags house some time in the dark hours of the AM with a disposable phone in hand, some duct tape and a sock with a couple bars of soap inside. Force phone into his mouth tape it in as a gag and let loose on anything between the nuts and adams apple with the sock/soap.

Certafied letters and calling the cops are probably better ideas though.

I agree with a direct approach and I would have done that already but for the fact that DH is still somewhat involved. I don't want to raise red flags and be put on the ward project list then subsequently harassed by all the auxilliaries. Not to mention I don't want to be gossiped about or anyone pitying DH because he has an apostate wife.

Truthfully, I don't give a shit what these people say or think about me. But I do care about DH and how that would effect him.

Sigh. Perhaps it's just impossible to establish boundaries without raising red flags.

If your hands are tied form handling it your way why not tell DH he can be in charge of the stalker. Maybe it will motivate him to re-evaluate just how much the morg does in y'alls lives. That way you can stay out of the way and enjoy the show. Just an idea.