Date: December 21, 2013 01:00AM
I'm in a position where I don't know if I'll be home for Christmas, either. My mother is a narcisstic nightmare. I have a good relationship with my father, who hasn't been active in the church for over 40 years, and never really "bought"it, although he was raised in it.
I have been living with my parents for the last 4 years because my rent was raised and I could no longer afford to live there. I loved my place and my independence, but I didn't have much of a choice but to move back home. I have slowly but surely been going out of my mind living with them. They've always had a miserable marriage, but are locked in a hopeless codependency that they are too old to change---my dad is 86 and my mother is 84. I've been studying the church for nearly 10 years, and I haven't attended for a decade. I was once a VERY dilligent member, but I found my way out after much turmoil and personal pain. For the first time, I feel at peace with myself in regard to Mormonism. I no longer feel the need to attend. BUT....I've been living with a woman who's convinced my father and I are breaking up our "eternal family" with our disbelief and lack of attendence. On top of that, she is perpetually irritable, demanding, self-centered and just plain meanspirited.
She thinks of nothing and no one except herself and her own needs. My dad has resigned himself to that, but I no longer can. I'm beyond the breaking point with my mom. I dread seeing her, because she's always criticizing or giving me instructions on what she wants,with no regard for my needs or point of view.
I finally have a sanctuary and I'm so grateful; this was my Xmas present to myself, and the only one I really wanted. Problem is, Christmas is fast approaching, and I dread the thought of dealing with my mom. I'm seriously tempted to just not contact or visit my parents (specifically, my mom) Xmas day.
I love my dad, and want to see my brother and sister and my nieces and nephews, whom I adore. But the thought of even seeing my mother in the near future literally makes me sick.
I've come to realize that if I want any peace in my personal life, I'll have to cut her off, at least for now. This is going to be one weird NOEL. I have no idea what to do. But I will not subject myself to her abuse any longer, and if that means blowing her off for Xmas, I guess that's what I'll have to do.
My sanity depends on it.