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Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum. 
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Posted by: newlifeinvention ( )
Date: December 20, 2013 04:57PM

Wow! I must say, thank you everyone for your warm welcomes and advise. Forums like these ease the burden of isolation and the burden has increased within the past few days.

Tensions between my family and I were starting to ease and I was excited to visit home for Christmas but yesterday my mom started to guilt me for what I believe, my father posted an extremely ignorant article on atheism on his wall, my father also attack my beliefs on FB is a very rude manner, and my aunt posted on my wall if she can sell my present back because I am atheist and (without me asking prior) she assumes I find no value in Christmas anymore. How ignorant!

So after blocking my aunt, mother, and father on facebook I told my parents I will not come home for christmas because "I don't think it would be wise," which is exactly what I told them. My dad seemed insincere when he stated he wished I come on Tuesday to see my siblings and my mom simply replied with a "why? realy?" and then another right after "don't come."

Did I do the right thing? I just want to avoid confrontation while emotions are still high...

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Posted by: tiptoes ( )
Date: December 20, 2013 05:06PM

You probably did the best thing for you by boycotting. I cannot believe how rude your family treated you and especially for all of FB to see. People are clueless sometimes. Hugs

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Posted by: Tevai ( )
Date: December 20, 2013 05:14PM

I do not know what the right thing is for YOU. I don't know any of the people involved, and this means that my thoughts probably aren't worth very much.

If it were me, I would not go. Having a year in which you miss Christmas with your family clears the slate in a way, establishes that you are your own person, and gives you a new foundation with which to reestablish NEW ties with your family.

All of this is beastly difficult, of course--and it is painful to probably everyone. But I think it's something like childbirth, where the process is almost invariably intensely painful, but the "outcome" is a new baby, who (ideally) is free to then, gradually and over time, establish themselves as an equal, respected, ADULT member of their "community."

I would pay close attention to what everyone says in subsequent posts and then decide, for yourself, what is probably right for YOU.

You likely won't know if you've chosen wisely for a very long time, but if you do the best you are able to do now, that will probably prove, in future times, to be what turns out to be the best for everyone.

I am sorry you are being put in this position.

I wish there were some easier way for you...and for your family too.

I am wishing you both wisdom and inner strength for you, and an excellent eventual resolution for your family's future.

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Posted by: presleynfactsrock ( )
Date: December 20, 2013 11:48PM

Usually family holidays have expectations, rituals and that good old traditional way of, well, always doing things in the same old traditional way. When anything or anyone puts a twist in the tried and tried again way of doing things many find it impossible to do anything but be baffled and confused as to why anyone in their right mind would do such a thing.

My way of thinking is that good can come out of this, and does come out of challenging the old with the new and blending the two.

But, it usually takes tons of time and waiting and knowing that not all will be capable of seeing new as something worthwhile.

Stick to your guns if that is what your choice is. "You cannot please all of the people all of the time." Will Rogers

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Posted by: zenjamin ( )
Date: December 20, 2013 11:59PM

newlifeinvention Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Did I do the right thing?

Not only right but courageous.

You may have a family like mine - plastic make believe.
Plastic make believe people in a plastic make believe church.
Plastic make believe (conditional) "love."
Plastic make believe joy around a plastic make believe tree with plastic make believe "gifts" complete with a very real tether.

Easier being the lone eagle.

Also demonstrates why flushed Facebook completely from my life.

Good luck!

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Posted by: Beth ( )
Date: December 21, 2013 01:06AM


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Posted by: travis ( )
Date: December 21, 2013 12:38AM

I bear testimony to the fact that church comes before family.

Christmas just serves to really drive that point home.

I left tssc over 23 years ago & am still an outcast in my family. I told my never-mo wife regardless of what my successes are in life... I'll always be a failure to them.

Sorry for what you're going through...it's tough.

Oh...Merry Christmas!!!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/21/2013 12:39AM by travis.

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Posted by: hapeheretic ( )
Date: December 21, 2013 01:00AM

I'm in a position where I don't know if I'll be home for Christmas, either. My mother is a narcisstic nightmare. I have a good relationship with my father, who hasn't been active in the church for over 40 years, and never really "bought"it, although he was raised in it.

I have been living with my parents for the last 4 years because my rent was raised and I could no longer afford to live there. I loved my place and my independence, but I didn't have much of a choice but to move back home. I have slowly but surely been going out of my mind living with them. They've always had a miserable marriage, but are locked in a hopeless codependency that they are too old to change---my dad is 86 and my mother is 84. I've been studying the church for nearly 10 years, and I haven't attended for a decade. I was once a VERY dilligent member, but I found my way out after much turmoil and personal pain. For the first time, I feel at peace with myself in regard to Mormonism. I no longer feel the need to attend. BUT....I've been living with a woman who's convinced my father and I are breaking up our "eternal family" with our disbelief and lack of attendence. On top of that, she is perpetually irritable, demanding, self-centered and just plain meanspirited.
She thinks of nothing and no one except herself and her own needs. My dad has resigned himself to that, but I no longer can. I'm beyond the breaking point with my mom. I dread seeing her, because she's always criticizing or giving me instructions on what she wants,with no regard for my needs or point of view.

I finally have a sanctuary and I'm so grateful; this was my Xmas present to myself, and the only one I really wanted. Problem is, Christmas is fast approaching, and I dread the thought of dealing with my mom. I'm seriously tempted to just not contact or visit my parents (specifically, my mom) Xmas day.
I love my dad, and want to see my brother and sister and my nieces and nephews, whom I adore. But the thought of even seeing my mother in the near future literally makes me sick.
I've come to realize that if I want any peace in my personal life, I'll have to cut her off, at least for now. This is going to be one weird NOEL. I have no idea what to do. But I will not subject myself to her abuse any longer, and if that means blowing her off for Xmas, I guess that's what I'll have to do.
My sanity depends on it.

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Posted by: newlifeinvention ( )
Date: December 21, 2013 02:38AM

I would absolutely agree. My aunt-in-law is the same. I was listing to a pod cast that says that we need to avoid toxic relationships, no matter who it is with. I would definitely stay away, at least until you get your composure back. I'm sure you'll eventually find a way how to cope with your mother while still being present with the rest of your family but perhaps this Christmas is not the right time.

After listening to all of the kind people on this thread, I think it would be safe to say that we should take a couple weeks off away from the drama of family and religion and just revive our sanity. After we are level headed then we can more rationally deal with the tension at hand.

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Posted by: summer ( )
Date: December 21, 2013 02:44AM

I understand that it's a painful decision for you, and I empathize. On a positive note, you are establishing a boundary for how you wish to be treated.

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Posted by: madalice ( )
Date: December 21, 2013 02:44AM

I've been home for Christmas for the past 35 years. MY HOME, not my parents home. Home is the best place to be.

Home is where I have my friends over for cocktails and munchies. Home is where I celebrate Holidays, and other important events in the life of people I love, and who love me back.

If I can help it, I will never spend another important or celebratory time in a house or place with people who are looking to do nothing but bring me down.

I'm home for Christmas this year. It's the best place for me to be.

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Posted by: Cheryl ( )
Date: December 21, 2013 09:33AM

Why would anyone subject themselves to hostility during the Christmas season?

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Posted by: NeverMo in CA ( )
Date: December 21, 2013 11:26AM

Cheryl Wrote:
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> Why would anyone subject themselves to hostility
> during the Christmas season?


+1

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Posted by: breedumyung ( )
Date: December 21, 2013 11:17AM

If I were you, I would send them a Christmas Card with the True Meaning of 'Christmas':

Pagan Sun-Worshipping Ritual with lots of other 'fun' things thrown in over the past several thousand years.

The so-called 'Christians' hijacked the holiday.

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