I am a youth in the church. Me and my family have been Mormon my whole life. But I don't believe any of that crap. I have my reasons (I hope you don't mind if I keep them to myself for now) and I wish to leave and live a normal life. But it's not that simple. My two stepbrothers already left and so did my biological father. My mother (who I love very much) would be heartbroken if I left.

I am only 14 and don't know how to deal with this. Please give me some decent advise

I don't know if my advice is any good because I never was in your situation, but it seems to me that you and your mom can work things out if there is mutual respect and understanding.

For example, try not to say to your mother that you don't believe in that "crap" because she holds that crap dear. And the same goes the other way around.

Make sure you love and respect eachother and maybe you can agree to disagree. I don't know if that's possible with your mom (depends on how TBM she is) but if she claims the right to believe what she wants, she should grant you the same right. Make her focus on who you are (her child) rather than what you believe.

Good luck to you! I'm jealous you wised up about Mormonism so young...

It's very hard to know what to do. In the end, it's your life and if your mother chooses to be offended by your beliefs, then it's her problem. I know that sounds harsh, but that's what the church does to people. Live your life and try to show her that you can be happy without Mormonism.

My mother was staunch LDS too and she died just as I was making my discoveries about Mormonism. If she had lived, I am sure that she would have freaked out about my leaving.

Hi Blue,

Loving your mother and caring about her feelings is a wonderful thing. I understand why its hard knowing she'll be heartbroken. So many of us were held back from doing things we wanted because we didn't want to hurt our parents. Its a natural feeling.

When I was your age I really wanted to leave home for lots of reasons. I finally realized I had to wait it out until I was almost 18. It was hard but knowing that i had a life ahead that I was planning for gave me the ability to endure those few years left and I put my energies into working and saving money.

My advice to you would be to stay true to yourself and make good goals and plans for your future. But also while you're living at home, these are going to be difficult years from 14-18 no matter what. They are years when your brain and emotions are rapidly changing and growing and there are many upheavals that go with it. So you're bound to have conflict with parents. Your parents are bound to have distress themselves about your growing independence and the choices you will make for your future.

Just be careful not to make your mom too afraid of the choices you will make as parents can think the worst anyway and it can cause conflicts that hurt you both. In some ways you really have to wait until you're 18 to make the big move of living your own life. Take it slow with your mom. I don't think you should break it too her all at once. As long as you know in your heart that you don't believe and no one is going to change your mind. Be as open as you need to be but I would only tell her gradually over time while still planning the life you really want.

If you feel your reasons are good enough, I don't believe anyone, no matter how young, should be forced to attend anything if there is a legitimate reason such as abuse.

However, you are 14. I would tell your mother your reasons because as an adult she will be more able to judge the importance of your concerns.There are people who would quit school at 14 if they were told they could, so I don't believe you are completely ready to make every choice about your life as yet at 14, provided you are not being emotionally or physically abused. Making you feel worthless and miserable is abuse in my opinion, so I would tell your mum if the church makes you feel that way about yourself.

Your raising concerns with your mother might help her too. Remember that you are still under her roof (I assume), so take it easy with her. Just make sure you protect yourself.Try talking to your siblings or dad first.

Take care.

Mormons are very good at emotional manipulation, tugging at the heart strings with all the faith promoting stories of how the child who really loves their Mother will……

It’s all a guilt trip, the best thing you can do for your mother is be honest, take every opportunity to point out when and how the Church is taking advantage of her and let her know that you do not intend to fall into line and conform to the Mormon Model so they can tax your income, run your life, keep you busy (to the exclusion of all other good things you could spend your time on) with all the tasks of running their organization and programs.

Let her know that people leave the Church because it’s not true and because they got tired of being taken advantage of, and you hope she will realize the same thing.

More and more youth visiting us. I'm a youth as well. Stuck in the church until I move out I'm afraid. But my mother isn't your mother. If you ever need to vent or a shoulder to cry on we're here. Welcome to the board.

Looks like there's four of us (on the board) so far.

It's part of the process of growing up. If it's not this, it would be something else (although I realize that this is going to be a very big deal to your mom.)

I would be respectful of her beliefs, but at the same time ease her gently into the notion that the church is not for you. Do this over the period of years. That way when you leave it won't be such a huge shock to her.

Don't drink till you're 21, don't use drugs, if you have sex, use a condom and don't ever, ever smoke.

++ good advice!

(Oh, and don't pick your nose.)

However, I think a good compromise would be to promise your mother to live the "standards" of the church while you are in her home (no smoking, drinking, sex).

I think that many parents think the church will keep their kids out of trouble. I even know parents who didn't believe, but stayed because they thought it was a good way to raise their kids. Prove to your mother than you can still stay out of trouble without believing the mumbo jumbo and that will go a long ways to comfort her.

If you truly love your MOM as you say you do, she should care about listening to your concerns. I would take this very slowly and talk to her a little each month about one thing that bothers you. The next mo. something else. Keep attending, but only to keep the peace.

Speak to your dad about your feelings and how you are walking a tightrope to keep mom from having a breakdown. You are becoming your own person. Until 18 however you are tied to the parent unfortunately. Do not go to any function that causes you stress. Do not talk about a mission at all. Don't respond when others do. They will get the message.

Get some nonmormon friends and show your mom what good people they are. Continue to be kind and respectful, but don't let others direct your life and make YOUR future plans for you. Just go along to get along. The four yrs. will go faster than you think.

Tell her you read and studied and prayed and were told by the Holy Ghost to try a different path for a while.

It's a lot harder to argue with that, and less arguments means less hurt feelings. Consider it a little white lie to keep her happy. If you try to tell her anything bad about the church, it will lead to conflict. She'll feel she has to defend them.

Keep telling her it isn't anything bad she did. Keep telling her she is a great Mom and you want to be part of her family.

And never forget the 11th article of faith:
"We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."

Thanks guys. You are awesome. I don't know what my next step will be, but I know my life is my buisness. I will try to talk to her. I'm going to my dads house this weekend, so I'll be able to talk to him. On a completely different point, I find it hard to believe how many families such a family focused "Religion" has destroyed.

It would also help with their searches.

Tks

A

You've had some great advice here, and this is a place you can feel safe. If you have a bitch to make about church or someone associated with it, I'd suggest you bring it here, first, before unloading on your sweet mama. She's a "victim" too--she just doesn't know it yet. Go easy on her. Love is the answer.

Can I ask you, Blue, if there one particular thing about Mormonism that upsets you? Since there are no "right or wrong" answers here, feel free to unload if and when you're ready.

Oh yeah! Are you a "Blue" GUY or a "Blue" GIRL?

Hey, thanks all. In reply to Davo, I'm a guy. The thing I hate the most is how they hide their own history. I've been in the church my whole life and was never told any of the bad stuff Mormons have done. Polygammy, denying blacks, the fact that Joseph Smith had affairs with at least 30 women, the kinderhook plates, that they've changed the book of mormon so much. I never heard of any of that in church, yet it is fact they all happened.

and don't be surprised leaders at Church are offended by your standing up to them and saying NO. They are so used to everyone just lapping up all the lies like it was chocolate, when someone come along and says "I don't believe a word of this" they suddenly can’t believe that someone isn’t buying into the con.

They are blind to all the lies and cover ups, they are emotionally invested I all this being true, they really believe their eternal salvation depends on obedience to the God Spell, they really believe that the Mormon Church has the Priesthood Authority from God and they have the RIGHT to discipline and judge, and they really believe that anyone who doesn’t see things the way they do is a misguided fool. This emotional investment is what makes it so hard for them to see the truth about the Church. They have invested a lot of time and money in this “salvation investment” and in seeing the truth will also come the knowledge that they wasted a lot of time and money in a fraud. Some people just will not accept that.

So with that in mind you can see how you will be viewed with skepticism, or seen as rebellious, and as a threat to the other youth (you might corrupt them) and any other label they want to pin on you at the moment.

Remember, especially the Priesthood holders may feel the Right to get you under control, especially if there is no man in your house hold. Remember if they get too pushy, remind them that you can call your father and he will explain to them to mind their boundaries and not to push their agenda on you. You will participate only as you see fit even if you are not 18 yet.