I am starting graduate school at BYU next year, and my girlfriend and I plan on living together. Keep in mind, i'll be in grad school, so I can live in non-BYU approved housing anywhere I want!
However, I don't think the honor code office would be too savvy on me living with a girlfriend and not being married.
So, how paranoid should I be about this? For instance, do you think my landlord would report me to BYU? Would my neighbors??
If so, do you guys think I should lie and tell my landlord I go to UVU or something like that...would that work? I'm really looking forward to your help!
Should you be paranoid, yes. Will your landlord report you, yes. Will other students report you, yes. Will others jealous of you spot in the program report you, yes. Will you risk not getting your endorsement pulled, yes. Unless you tell everyone you are married, you run a huge risk.
Is there any possibility of transferring to a different school? You say you're starting next year, so you should have time to see other options, right?
I think you're too old to lie through this one. By signing up at BYU, you agree to their standards. Why choose BYU if you don't want to be micromanaged?
If you're a grad student, you do *not* have to live in BYU-approved housing. Most landlords who are not operating BYU-approved housing do not care. Depending on the nature of the contract, you may have to indicate your gf is living there for insurance and/or contractual purposes.
There are a ton of absentee mom-and-pop landlords in Utah County. Just find a nice basement or small-unit place, and I doubt anyone will care.
I have a few units in Utah County. My contract stipulates who's entitled to live there to simplify live-in situations (ie, in case of breakup, I don't have to arbitrate who gets to stay), but beyond that... don't care. Most landlords, as long as you pay on time, won't care either.
just say she's your sister. than transfer to another school. you really don't want to list BYU on your resume for the rest of your life. It really will be an embarrassment.
Look at it this way. You can make it all the way to graduation day. The honor code office finds out... You do not get a diploma and do not graduate and you justed waisted years and $$$ going to BYU.
I was a student landlord in two different student-approved buildings there. Landlord and everybody are expected to be spies, and if you catch some activity but don't report it, you lose you approval. And that means you cannot rent to students. Times like this call for withholding information. Yes. Now you are a grad student at UVU. But even us talking about it here does mean that some church snoop is now trying to get your information and do homework and find you out catch you up.
As mentioned upthread, since he's a grad student, he doesn't have to live in BYU-approved housing. Non-BYU-approved landlords generally won't care as long as the bills get paid.
What about friends, family, classmates, professors, bishop, etc? What it comes down to is if it's a good idea to violate one's school's code of ethics in such a way that puts one's standing at the school at risk. Regardless of BYU being a joke with idiotic standards, blatantly violating what the school deems one of its most important standards is just asking for trouble.
I don't disagree with you on the ethical dilemma inherent in violating your school's code of ethics. I just have two points:
1) His landlord probably won't ask or care where he's attending school unless he's on a scholarship that requires direct disbursement to either the school or landlord (not sure these even exist anymore) 2) It's better he acknowledge that his gf live with him to his landlord and deal with the contractual implications than he lie about it. Having somebody not on the contract living with you can cause massive headaches for you and your landlord in case of a breakup, a theft, or an insurance claim.
Why on earth would you want to go BYU anyhow if you wish to live with your girlfriend? Does she have an LDS background? If not, BYU and its culture could be a real shock.
There must another graduate school you could get into.
Thanks for all the comments guys and gals, I really appreciate it. Well, it definitely sounds a bit sketchy. I think i'll just tell my landlords that I go to UVU just in case. There is no way my class will find out because I simply won't tell anybody.
Hmmmm maybe I should consider living in Salt Lake :-/
If discretion is your primary concern, I'd suggest the following:
-- Use the Apartment search function on KSL.com or rentler.com to find a place to stay. Don't use BYU's listings.
-- There are three kinds of landlords in Utah. Mom-and-pop owner/managers, rental management companies (where an owner outsources management to another org), and big complex owner/management organizations. Rental management companies and big complexes will evict you (justifiably) if your gf is living with you and she's not on the lease. Check your contracts closely -- some specify up to X number of adults, others will just specify your name. This usually only becomes an issue if you take other people's parking spots or if a claim of some type is filed. In any case, put your gf on the lease to save headaches.
-- Stay away from Provo/Orem. I don't know what kind of program you're in or where you're working, but I'd recommend living in Springville or Spanish Fork to the south or Pleasant Grove/American Fork/Lehi to the north. Better restaurants and shops in the north end of the county, somewhat more open spaces to the south. Most of the high-tech work is in the northern area if that's the line of work you're pursuing. In any case, if you plan carefully, you can find a place that's less than 10-15 minutes away from BYU.
zenjamin Wrote: ------------------------------------------------------- > You would get a far superior graduate education at > any modern university. > > - One not so medieval.
Thanks but the program I am looking into is actually pretty good. It has nothing to do with mormonism and I know for a fact there are a good amount of non-mormon grad students and professors (wayy more than undergrad)
I understand where you're coming from, but I come from a non-Utah non Mormon world. I can assure you that most people outside the exmormon community do not look down on BYU. It's considered a good school
This is not the glossy school brochure. Same headwind Romney and Huntsman faced.
Got doctorate long enough ago that have had to sit on selections boards/committees in big city academic centers east coast. At that point all candidates are essentially equal; so you are really looking for one with a good "fit" to your team. Comments I hear: BYU equals self-righteous inflexible close-minded. Not saying it is right: but again, think recent elections.
So that is the headwind. Going to have to sell yourself as the exception.
Good luck.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 01/07/2014 12:21AM by zenjamin.
Hahaha! Says the college student who thinks he knows what he's talking about. LOL!
Oh I know how insulting it feels to be told something like that. As much life experience as you think you have now, "You know nothing, Jon Snow."
I'm sure you're probably on a hiring track for some company that recommends BYU as an affordable way to get the education they want you to have. What you don't realize is that they know they are boxing you in, and they are doing it on purpose, to keep you from being able to compete in your field. This keeps costs down for them. But I expect I will be told I'm wrong. It doesn't matter much to me, but I really couldn't resist the opening to say...
You MIGHT be able to get away with it, if you live outside of Provo/Orem... but why take the risk? Why not just go to a normal school where you don't have to worry about getting expelled from school because some nosy Mormon neighbor tattles on you for doing something that is absolutely nobody's business but your own?
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/07/2014 12:48AM by nickname.
Do you really believe you will be able to hide your live-in girlfriend for several years? To do that: - forget becoming friends with your colleagues. You will be afraid to tell them about the most important person in your life - you will jeopardize your schooling. A any point, if BYU finds out, they can yank your work to date. - you are talking about lying to your landlord (which people on here have clearly said could get you evicted) - your girlfriend WILL become resentful that she won't be allowed to meet any of your new friends/colleagues, because you fear they will find out the truth
Sounds like a very bad idea all around. BYU is a religious university with a strict honor code. You know that that is part of the deal upfront. If you are not willing to take that deal (which is in exchange for the education they are giving you), then you should not be going to BYU period. Their school, their rules. Either choose to live by their rules or switch schools. If you don't, you have no excuse when they ask you to leave or you are kicked out of housing.
Don't piss off your girl friend anytime before graduation or you might find yourself reported by her just to get even. I would rather put a ring on her finger than take a chance of her outing me after we have a fight. At some point the fight will happen whether or not she has a ring. The ring puts you at less of a risk and puts more pressure on both of you to resolve the issues that caused the fight.
Lying about a roommate on a lease is illegal -- could constitute fraud and/or breach of contract, among other things.
I cannot conceive of a world in which my personal living arrangements are held up to public scrutiny. I cannot imagine making my life decisions -- where to live, who to live with, where to attend school, what major/field of work to pursue -- based on what other people thought of my personal living arrangements. What kind of academic atmosphere must there be in a place where all they care about is if you're married to the person you're fucking? What? What does your sex life have to do with the field of study you've chosen? This is the package deal you get when you choose a private religious school.
Your stubborn insistence on considering no other arrangments, school or living, makes no sense to me. You are asking us to tell you some good lies you can use. I do not advocate living lies. Exmos tend to recommend working toward living a life of integrity, not weaving an even more elaborate web of lies.