All this talk about Kolob and space has me thinking...

What did we do for the thousands of years before being born? We were pretty old spirits by then. Wouldn't we advance in "light and knowledge" during that time?

Not that I believe in that sort of thing anymore, I'm just curious what TBM's would say?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/07/2014 08:41PM by Hold Your Tapirs.

My freind was told he was a teacher.
I dunno what he taught, I'm guessing high fashion, knowing him.

From what I can tell from watching church videos, we were either dressed in white robes or hospital scrubs.

We walked around making odd gestures like extras in the background of a movie.

We decided which of our opposite-gender siblings we would have sex with on earth (none of that same-sex stuff going on up there, ya know).

Then we decided which of our other brothers/sisters would get to play mom/dad and grandpa/grandma in our grand game of 'house' we would play on earth.

Then some of us sat on a fence, so we were born with dark skin.

and that was why I was an orphan and also why I was not born in the USA.

LOL Helen. But at least you were sent a valiant daughter. And don't ever forget it. Not that she will let you. :-)

Would we have been dressed in anything? I mean, would we have had genitals to cover up, or would we have known what they were for? I always thought we were supposed to be innocents, like Adam & Eve... except for the whole rebelling against God and fighting in a war bit.

It's all a fun, interesting question that uses our most creative imagination.
Sometimes there are indications that there is something to it, some real association that gives us important messages.

SusieQ, if you don't stop drinking the Kool Aid, you'll be assimilated!

We organized matter and I imagine disorganized some too.

We spiritually sucked on the celestial teat of one of our heavenly mothers.

Love this.

I know one thing. I didn't foresee what I would be born into, or I would have committed pre-suicide.

What a dumb question! Of course, I practiced exercising my Little Factory! What else? And I was really annoyed when I had to stop to get born. Holy crap! It took me around 14 years before I figured out what the f**king veil made me forget ... and get back once again to my favorite pre-earthly pastime.

I am sure I shot pool at the local pool hall

Sheesh, people. Weren't you paying attention during Sunday School? We attended the council in heaven, cast our votes for Jesus, fought for the winning side during the war in heaven, then waited in our separate little pods (like the real humans in the Matrix movie) until we were born into our preordained families. Oh yeah, somewhere in there we picked or were assigned to our loving or not-so-loving families.

We probably also sat around and mocked each other a lot.

Why, we scrubbed the toilets, of course!

God, who was all-knowing in the pre-existence, has told his latter-day Mormon prophets-seers-and-revelators to proclaim inspired counsel. Among the dubious prophetic utterances beamed directly from the Mormon God of Kolob, much has been said about the lofty-inspired program called Family Home Evening.

In 1915, President Joseph F. Smith and his counselors in the First Presidency instructed parents to begin holding a regular “Home Evening.” This was to be a time for parents to teach their families the principles of the gospel. The First Presidency wrote, “IF THE SAINTS OBEY THIS COUNSEL, WE PROMISE THAT GREAT BLESSINGS WILL RESULT. Love at home and obedience to parents will increase. Faith will be developed in the hearts of the youth of Israel, AND THEY WILL GAIN POWER TO COMBAT THE EVIL INFLUENCE AND TEMPTATIONS WHICH BESET THEM.” (emphasis added) (The same was reiterated by Ezra Taft Benson in “God, Family, Country” p. 228)

Apostle M. Russell Ballard proclaimed,

. . . “The prophets have taught repeatedly that families should teach one another the gospel, preferably in a weekly family home evening. This family practice, if we are not very careful, can slowly drift away from us. We must not lose this special opportunity to “teach one another the doctrine of the kingdom” (D&C 88:77), which will lead families to eternal life.” (Ballard’s general conference talk, Ensign, May 1987)

More recently, the second counselor in the First Presidency, James E. Faust said,

. . . “I wonder if having unplanned and infrequent family home evenings will be enough to fortify ourselves and our children with sufficient moral strength to meet the complexities of our day. Infrequent family scripture study may be inadequate to arm ourselves and our children with the virtue necessary to withstand the moral decay of the environment in which we live. Where in the world will we learn chastity, integrity, honesty, and basic human decency if not at home? These values will, of course, be reinforced at church, BUT TEACHING THEM IN FAMILY HOME EVENING CAN BE PARTICULARLY CONSISTENT AND EFFECTIVE. TO COMBAT THE WORLD'S EVIL INFLUENCES, WE NEED THE STRENGTH THAT COMES FROM FAMILY HOME EVENING. . . . If we go forward with our FAMILY HOME EVENINGS, our homes will be enriched, our wards and branches will grow and prosper, our lives will be purified, and THE GATES OF HELL WILL NOT PREVAIL AGAINST US.

. . . “It often takes a seemingly superhuman effort to get everyone together for family home evening. You may not always feel like praying when you finally do get together, BUT IT WILL PAY GREAT DIVIDENDS IF YOU PERSEVERE.” (James E. Faust, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, “Enriching Our Lives through Family Home Evening,” Liahona, June 2003, emphasis added.)

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So what is the lesson learned as uttered by these future Mormon rulers of their own planets?

It’s fairly obvious. Since God is more than superhuman it would be a cinch to get everyone together in the pre-existence for family home evening. Since 1/3 of Heavenly Father's precious spirit children were lost to Lucifer, who is the gatekeeper and presides over the gates of hell, it is fair to say that God didn’t do what he’s telling his earthly prophets to tell us to do.

The Mormon God FORGOT to hold family home evening in the pre-existence.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/07/2014 08:36PM by jiminycricket.

Had wars. Sorted out who was going to be black.

I was surfin in the Sirius system...

Ooh, this is handy, I have to teach Sunday School on the council in heaven this Sunday, and this would be a great way to get people thinking, talk about the fact that intelligences are eternal, the sheer size of the council in heaven, etc.

I used to walk through doors without opening them. Heavenly Father couldn't do that because he already had his body, so it really annoyed Him. But that got really old after a couple thousand years, and I wanted to up the magic factor, so this one time I snuck down to earth and pretended to be standing in a burning bush. You would not believe the havoc that caused. How was I to know?

Clearly, we spent our entire pre-mortal existences traveling from the planet nearest to Kolob to the planet Earth. Even at the speed of light it would take millions of years for our spirits to cross the distance.

Ok, Maverick, that theory makes sense!

We sat around and thought of catchy Temple names and really hard to guess handshakes so only a few could get into the club. Then we designed Satanic symbols that we could put on the Temples like the equivalent of "KEEP OUT IF YOU ARE NOT IN OUR CLUB!" Then we thought of real gruesome ways to destroy a human body and put those representations into the Temple rituals (Oh they changed those didn't they because they were so offensive,) We must have watched some serious snuff films to think up those gruesome things, but someone had to do it right? It was like taking an oath not to tell any other kids in the school where the clubhouse was or you'd beat the shit out of them only in these cases, it was death! I think we must have listened to a lot of Death Metal music because it is so death focused. When we weren't doing these things, we were planning the WAR IN HEAVEN because we are nothing if we aren't OXYMORONS, or maybe it was just morons.

After the war, we went back to strip mining for gold to pave the streets of the celestial kingdom.
The lower heavens are really just prefab buildings and housing projects. They plan to have the inhabitants put them together when they get there.