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Posted by: wendell ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 04:15PM

I was going through some of my stuff recently, and I came across something that I wrote several years ago when I was still trying to come to terms with my sexuality and my feelings about the church. It's so interesting to read this now since my life is so drastically different than it was back when it was written.

Anyway, here goes:

The Price of Admission
by: Wendell

Temptation’s tough to just forsake.
Decisions made are hard to take,
Perfection’s easier to fake,
The price of admission’s just too high.

Acknowledgement is such a shock,
Poor choices are so hard to block,
I put my conscience back in hock,
The price of admission’s just too high.

Denying things I’ve done is wrong,
Potential risk is way too strong,
So, I pretend and move along,
The price of admission’s just too high.

My family could not take the blow.
They truly do not need to know,
So I put on a righteous show.
The price of admission’s just too high.

Deceit makes for a rocky road,
It goes against my moral code.
But I just grin and bear the load,
The price of admission’s just too high.

From truth I’ve learned how to retreat.
No exit marked for easy street,
I’ll hide the facts ‘til life’s complete.
The price of admission’s just too high.

My guilt cannot be overblown,
I’ll bear the hurt and pain alone,
I cannot face the great unknown,
The price of admission’s just too high.

What’s right and wrong I know quite well,
But there’s no way I’d ever tell.
I’d simply rather burn in Hell.
The price of admission’s just too high.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/18/2011 04:16PM by wendell.

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Posted by: piper ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 04:19PM

Wow, wendell. Just wow. I can feel your inner turmoil reading this. So glad this is something you wrote years ago! :)

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Posted by: Queen of Denial ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 04:43PM


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Posted by: WiserWomanNow ( )
Date: February 19, 2011 12:07AM

Glad that as it turned out, you did not continue to "bear the hurt and pain alone" and "hide the facts ‘til life’s complete".

Your conscience is out of hock now, Wendell! :-)

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Posted by: freegirl10 ( )
Date: February 19, 2011 01:04AM

That was very powerful, Wendell - glad you came through it okay!

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Posted by: loveskids ( )
Date: February 19, 2011 01:15AM

Very moving Wendell. I too am glad that was written years ago.

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Posted by: wendell ( )
Date: February 19, 2011 01:56PM

Nearly every day of my entire life I have written something. I have been going through so much crap and some of it has brought back some amazing, yet painful memories. This is but one example. Thank you all for allowing me to post it here.

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Posted by: AmIDarkNow? ( )
Date: February 19, 2011 02:52AM


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