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Posted by: anon123 ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 07:33PM

I feel like I'm at my breaking point. I'm hurting. yet I'm not feeling anything. I don't want to feel. I don't want to do anything. I want to cry but the tears feel forced. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to give up.

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Posted by: Major Bidamon ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 07:41PM

don't do anything rash now. if this is one of those emails, seek professional help. Go to the ER.

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Posted by: dunno ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 11:27PM

Your note sounds like a serious cry for help. Please, if you are thinking about hurting yourself, call 911, call a friend, go to the hospital NOW. Or, at the very least, call 1-800-273-8255. That's the number for the US national suicide prevention hotline.

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Posted by: anon123 ( )
Date: February 19, 2011 01:12AM

Suicide isn't on the agenda. But I'm really considering asking my parents for a therapist.

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Posted by: honestone ( )
Date: February 19, 2011 06:33PM

You can ask your parents for a therapist. Why not. As a minor, like I think you are, you should tell parents when you are upset. Hopefully you'll get some therapy real soon.

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Posted by: Rebeckah ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 07:43PM

It's really tough when you're so low you can't even grieve. What helps me when I'm that low (which happens rarely) is immersing myself in something else until the worst of the pain fades a little. Like going on a three day book reading binge or (as I've been doing for the past week) a Doctor Who marathon on Netflix!

I don't know what would work for you but it almost always helps me through the lowest lows. (By the way, this Doctor Who marathon is the new Doctor Who although I love the old ones too.) The only down side is that I'd really like a Tardis of my own.

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Posted by: imaworkinonit ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 07:49PM

If there is anything you can do to be kind to yourself?

For me, I was just exhausted in every way (physically, emotionally, mentally, and felt socially isolated). I was in college at the time, and I took some time off and moved to another city for a few months, with the intent of never coming back. . . . but I did return after a few months. I was easier on myself when I came back.

From what you've said before, it sounds like you are in an emotionally abusive home. (Weren't you the one being waken up in the middle of the night to redo dishes?) Is there a relative or friend you could live with for a while? Or some person you could confide in?

You can always get support here, although any hugs we can offer will only be digital.

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Posted by: anon123 ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 10:40PM

My dad used to do the middle of the night thing. He is honestly trying to be good, and in some areas, he's an amazing father, and as long as it isn't something about the church he is great to vent to. and i love him, but on Sundays, if I don't cooperate, i don't know who he is. Monday night I got my besty coming over to watch lord of the rings(all three) with me. got quite a couple friends(some I haven't met yet, one we did the ssame thing laast year together.) hiding out during the brainwashing paart of the Efy dance so things aren't all bad. it's just hard when I thought I had the answer to eternity, and what feels likein barely a heartbeat, everything change. but you know what? i'm strong. I have support. and, I will be out of this house before I know it.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 08:00PM

It actually might help to get off the computer and get out of the house, get some fresh air, etc.

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Posted by: lostinutah ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 08:08PM

You have a great sense of humor, and usually that comes from seeing the darkest nights...

Hang in there, you're a remarkable woman and you're going to land on your feet.

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Posted by: Strykary ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 08:38PM

I fall into these emotional pits more often than not and it severely impacts my school work. On one hand, I want to escape my family and that requires excellent grades and the utmost diligence to earn scholarships necessary to leave. On the other, I don't give a shit.

Apathy is overwhelming isn't it?

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Posted by: anon123 ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 10:24PM

I wnet to work right after I posted. i'm a balloon artist, and there was a kid, really upset, said couple jokes, made him a balloon and he perked up and the troubles of the past were forgotten. great way to end the night. made me feel a lot better.

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Posted by: anonmiss ( )
Date: February 19, 2011 07:43AM

I remember feeling that way in my house growing up. It was so painful and all I wanted to do was die. I couldn't wait until the day I could leave.

I promise you will make it through. I know a lot of people on here don't believe in God but I do. It may not be the God of TSCC, but it is a God who loves you and is looking out for you.

Sometimes we are put in situations that don't make sense until later, but while we are in them we just have to keep going the best way we can. You will make it through this, and you will be much wiser and stronger for it.

Keep things in your life that make you smile. And do your own litmus test for God. Things of God will make you feel loved and whole. If anything is making you feel bad and horrible then in my view it is not of God. Remember this when they're shoving bad stuff down your throat and naming it holy! It is not.

One day your life will be very different. You may even be able to use what you learned from this sucky time to help others.

Until then put one foot in front of the other...and remember you have a bunch of people out here who are rooting for you.

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Posted by: Nina ( )
Date: February 18, 2011 11:22PM

and you forget self.
Hugs and prayers, sweetie :)

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Posted by: msmom ( )
Date: February 19, 2011 07:52AM

Balloon animals - awesome!

Thanks for letting us know things were low - I hope they pick up quickly! Excellent advice on this thread.

I do think a therapist would be great, but not an LDS one. Maybe ask your school guidance counselor for a resource and then use that reference to ask your folks about one.

Good luck sweetheart!

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Posted by: Shiner Bock ( )
Date: February 19, 2011 10:36AM

When Mormonism seems to oppress you with it's bleakness and every Sunday seems a hell to be endured, just remember that it won't be long till your finished with it and you can come out of it's dark, dreary cave into the light of truth and freedom?

How long?

Not long!

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Posted by: givemethismoment ( )
Date: February 19, 2011 04:40PM

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. :( I went through a very dark period last year, and resorted to self-harm. Is there anyone you can talk to? A teacher or school psychologist? One of my teachers literally saved my life and my school psychologist helps me in more ways than I can express - I've never been happier since I started going to her.

I'm sad to hear that you are going through this; it might seem like things will never be better, but they will! and some day you'll be able to use this experience to help others and to remind yourself that because you got through this you can get through whatever life throws at you.

I've got you in my thoughts & prayers. I hope that you can get the help you need soon! <3

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