I live apart from my kids currently due to economic issues. My contact with them has been limited to post mail and phone, as the ex is paranoid about the internet beyond all rationality. However, last night my tbm ex wife finally allowed me to video chat with my kids. First time for everything I guess. We had a good conversation, made faces, showed art work, and that kind of thing. My daughter, who hasn't been online in a couple months (since she was with me) got to check her email. I'd sent a link to a video of an exmo talking about her positive experiences outside of the church. I wanted my daughter to know that good things can come outside of the morg.

As soon as she went to load the video, with me still chatting with her, the ex cut her off and said she would not allow that kind of media in the house. We've had this discussion before--her censoring my beliefs to the kids. Her monitoring my communications and cutting them off whenever we get into topics that are "forbidden".

My kids are actually interested in other viewpoints and secretly hope to have a reason not to attend the most-boring-morgue-church on earth. What would you do?

My ex raised all our kids to be TBMs and to hate their evil, apostate father. When they got older they were all happily shocked to realize that Dad was a descent guy. All of them are now out of the Morg.

That's truly sad...our children though I had custody could talk to their Dad at any time...even though it was not joint custoday..spent weekends with him...etc.

I felt he was and still is a good man and great father and it would be cruel to him and unfair to his children not to know him in the best life possible..

It has made our lives much richer.

stormy

He's still waiting for me to convert...sigh

I wouldn't have pushed it at that time. Bad timming.

When she lets you video chat for the first time seems like a time to just take it slow.

That's just my thoughts.

Be the rational parent, and let her crazy run them out of tscc.

First you get permission to videochat, and then the videochat is suddenly ended because you want to chat about a theme of your own choosing? One cannot control the topics one's children will discuss. Not even in one's own house. It's a losing battle.

Yes, it was bad timing. I'd sent the email weeks ago. This just happened to be the moment my daughter was able to get on and check.

Still, I think the reaction of her mom cutting her off was far worse than it coming up. In fact, I think it wasn't exactly bad timing, as the ex just shows her wacky controlling ways. I just said, "oh well, that's too bad. Maybe when I come out to see you next."

ayawneemous Wrote:
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> Yes, it was bad timing....
> Still, I think the reaction of her mom cutting her
> off was far worse than it coming up.

For sure. But if you know how she is, working around her dumb stuff works better for you in the end.

Some may call it blaming the victim etc. But I see it more as getting the best outcome that you can, considering the circumstances.

If the circumstances suck, and are totally unfair, but are predictable... Your best strategy is to work around it in a way that makes things better for you; even if it only changes something for bad, to not as bad, rather than getting all the way to good or great.

I've had an awful ex, and know how unfair it can be, and how heartbreaking it is to see your kids being influenced by a person who doesn't have your kids best interest as their priority. But if given another chance to video chat, I'd try to make the most of it, even if it's unfair and not ideal.

It was not the best timing, especially if you want to encourage more video chats.

My feeling is when they are at her house, they go by her rules, but when you are alone with them or they are at your house, you can speak freely.

If your kids are school-age, they should have internet access at school and at the local public library. Your kids might be able to check their email at either of those locations (although they might not be able to access videos.) Many school systems give kids their own email addresses with a school-system based address.

cause your kids to be more interested!
That's true for almost all kids, I think!

Well, now you know what you can get away with! :-) Mom is going to censure and try to control information and we all know that almost always backfires, depending on the age.

My observation is that the more strict the parents are when the kids become a teenager, the more they will rebel.

Hang in there, Dad, hope is not lost.
Eventually, I would presume, you are going to have time with the kids not monitored by mom. They will see that you are not the enemy.