Date: March 10, 2014 12:45AM
I have a different take on this.
Every single one of us is learning. We're born in a certain "place"...we grow as well as we know how to grow...and we keep ON growing, in positive ways, throughout our lifetimes if we're doing it right.
This inevitably means that, at a later time, we will look back on ourselves at an earlier time and see that we have matured greatly since "that" time. We may well have become "different people" since "that" time. We may feel guilt, or shame, or disgust at ourselves for something we did (or did not) do at "that" time because now, with our greater, more evolved maturity, we can see how comparatively "immature" we were "back then."
The only people who aren't able to do this are those who have NOT grown...they're still, pretty much, the "same" people they were "back then." This is NOT something to be proud of. It demonstrates stunted growth, compared to what we had to potentials to achieve.
When we fall in love with someone, and especially if that someone is a full adult, we are in love with a COMPLETE person. This INCLUDES whatever-it-was that happened in the past. If the other person has not grown beyond that level, then it is time to reevaluate our thoughts and feelings about that person. But, if the other person HAS grown beyond that level, and--knowing what they know now--WOULD NOT be that "same person" if they were able to time travel back to that earlier time, then you accept this person as they are now, and you acknowledge their positive growth.
Once upon a time, we ALL did things we are now ashamed of (or feel guilty for...or wonder how we EVER could have done, or not done, this thing or that thing).
We should be able to trust that our partners can accept us as we are NOW, and also accept the pasts that we, ourselves, wish had been different.
If we love someone, we accept ALL of them...and we LOVE the fact that they have used their lives to grow beyond the limits that they were born into, or once either innocently or ignorantly thought were right for them back then.
Real love depends on authenticity, and disclosure, and communication.
If you don't have all three, and if your partner can't accept you not only as you are now, but as you were THEN, then it's probably not genuine, lasting, deeply satisfying LOVE that you (or they) are experiencing.
It's probably a case of fleeting infatuation.
Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 03/10/2014 12:48AM by tevai.