I love being a dad. I decided that my daughter will not be raised in a shame-based religion, and she certainly won't be raised in a religion that teaches her to hate herself.

I see her play with other kids, and I listen to the other parents. Some parents on the play ground say some really horrible stuff to their children.

* You're a naughty boy!
* You're so mean. What's wrong with you?
* Watch your dirty mouth.
* Why are you being such a brat?
* How many times have I told you not to do that?

People would probably accuse me of being permissive. I don't scold my child, and I certainly don't humiliate her in public to make other parents think I'm a good parent. But our child is very active physically and plays well with other kids.

I am much more liberal in some thing and am grateful that as a parent I am free of foisting empty meaningless expectations upon my children; they are grateful to forge their lives free of those as well.

I have become much more relaxed and not so grumpy. still discipline but on a much needed basis rather than for every little thing. I think my kids think I may have gone crazy. :) I have also noticed that the kids don't seem to push boundaries as much.

Not only have I noticed it, but a ward member mentioned that I seemed a lot less stressed by the kids in church. Probably cause I just didn't care if they were quiet lol.

Hey there wanderinggeek! Happy day to you! You don't come accross as the impatient type. It's nice to be more relaxed. I have noticed conversations happen more frequently and often. Things are said or asked that wouldn't have been. It's a nice change.

I'm trying to teach how to think rather than what to think.

Parenting beyond belief:Raising Caring, Ethical Kids without Religion by Dale McGowan

Authoritative is the best way to go. It strikes a balance between authoritative which uses intimidation and harshness, and permissive in which the kid has poor discipline. It's not always about stuff like doing homework either, it extends to moral issues like how they treat their peers, etc. Being Authoritative means the kid gets talked to regularly about WHY things are bad and encouraged to make positive choices. They get punishments for poor discipline like getting grounded for a bad grade. It's much more involved than the other two parenting styles and takes a lot of energy, but hey, parents are responsible for RAISING their kids to be healthy and productive members of society, not just to keep them alive!

Sorry, I meant it strikes a balance between authoritarian!!! And permissive.

I was still ingrained in the church when my oldest three were growing up. I am ashamed to say that even though I was rarely super active I still expected them live as though they were good little morgbots. By the time my youngest was born I was mentally out and by the time he was 13 I had left the church. He is the most well adjusted, accepting, forgiving, and well behaved of the 4. He was not raised with the guilt imposed by morgbot parents, and when he began to show interest in girls I didn't tell him sex was forbidden or that masturbation was evil. I told him those things were perfectly normal. I talked to him about the dangers of STD's and we talked about how it would screw up his life and his girlfriend's if he got her pregnant. I handed him a box of condoms and told him to use them if the opportunity arose. He is 23 now and still a great young man. He drinks once in a while but only when he feels like it and never just to get drunk. He has used weed some but he isn't addicted to it by any means. He is in control of his life and has done none of the stupid things my other kids did being raised in the church just to rebel or for whatever reason they did some of the things they did.

I am remarried now and have a little 6 year old girl and I have raised her with absolutely no religion at all. She is a fantastic little girl but most if not all her friends in school are little morgbots and I am entering new territory with her. Being so young and knowing how morgbot parents are judgmental and all I am treading very cautiously and honestly even though I have raised 4 kids and have 10 grandkids I am not sure how this will turn out as she gets older and her friends talk about church stuff and she possibly loses friends because she isn't a morgbot and her friend's parents don't let them hang with her.

She has already asked questions about church and my mom lives with us and is still a TBM so I have told my little girl she can go to church with my mom any time she wants. So far she hasn't but I am sure curiosity will win out eventually. I am sure that her first time in primary will be her last because she won't like all the sitting quietly listening to some teacher drone on about crap that is meaningless but I guess time will tell.

We are raising her to be a good person, respectful of others, and to focus on her education for now. Every kid is different and has their own personality so I guess I will wait and see what challenges we encounter with her and decide how to deal with those as they arise.

One reason I never ever fit in as a mormon is because I was always a relaxed parent, I have been an attachment parent from the beginning. I am also an eclectic homeschooler, so right away I go against the grain in normal society, let alone in mormon culture. I always was okay with my kids expressing themselves such as my boys having long hair and my girls not being girly. My DH and I tend to be more alternative also. So nope leaving it hasn't really changed my parenting style as I was never a restrictive, you're going to hell type parent. But I am more relaxed now, so I guess there is no longer that underlying tension.

I was a grand mother when I resigned my membership. As my World View evolved, I began to take a different attitude and tactic with my adult children and the grand children that was less critical, and more appreciative.

We make changes when we learn something different and can put it into action. The first thing that I dropped was any reference to religious teachings, other than the universal type things like: love one another.

I found a lot of wisdom in some of the books I read and learned to apply them. One is learning not to take anything personally and understanding what others say and do (emphasis here on negativity etc.) is about the them, not me.

Reference: The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz.http://www.toltecspirit.com/

Another perspective that I have tried to adopt is The Optimist Creed, little by little.

(I've shared it here before.) Reference: http://www.optimist.org/e/creed.cfm

There is another new perspective that I have adopted (work on it each day). An Attitude of Gratitude.

Some references here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tag/attitude-of-gratitude

I am a single woman again, a widow. This is a new way of living as I spent my whole life living with others. I have learned the wonderful freedom and love of life as a single female.

I understand, that in my seventh decade, that I have accumulated a lifetime of lessons about life that are not serving me well.

I have also developed mottos for different days.

Today it's:

Live, love, laugh.

I just love them. Not as an extension of myself, not as someone who was waiting for me to let them come down. I see them as a human separate for me. Someone I get to help find their path.

I am Christian and bring my kids to church. When they ask questions such as "is Noah's Ark real?" I say something like "well it is in the Bible so a lot of people think it is. I don't think there is scientific evidence of a world wide flood but there is of localized floods. I tend to think it could be an allegory. You get to decide what you believe and I love you no matter what you decide."

My kids hear a lot that no matter what they believe, who they love, what choices they make I love them. I feel my parents used their emotions and "what God wants" to control me. It is not fair.

I'm alot more relaxed about video games on sunday :-)