I'm a woman, and it seems like ever since I left the church I have become a magnet (platonically speaking) for inactive and/or doubting mormon women. In the early days I thought "cool! more people who are going through what I am!" But now it's not so cool because they always go back and I'm tired of watching those little ants march down the hill. I know who I am and what I believe, and I feel like these people use me, in a way, to try on a non-Mormon way of life. Then they go back and either drop me like a hot potato or start slipping God and Jesus into our conversations and wincing when I talk about wine or R-rated movies.

Here's what prompted this posting today. A friend of mine who has been inactive and living with a boyfriend for several years called me for a Sunday coffee. She then proceeded to tell me that this was the last coffee she would ever drink because she was breaking up with her boyfriend and was going to submit to a "court of love." I won't go in to details, but this woman went through hell because of the church's teachings on "celestial marriage." Now she's submitting. God, that's a disgusting word.

I'm sick of this. I'm sick of watching them go back to their abusive husbands and abusive bishops and dysfunctional beliefs. I'm sick of being all "as long it's what you want, I'll always love and support you." I'm not some effing counselor who's there to guide people onto whatever path they choose. I think they're making a big fat mistake and I want to scream that fact in their ears!

Not saying it is harming you and it is harming your friends.

I say own what you believe and how you live. You have nothing to apologize for and I would also say you are being a false friend to meekly "love and support" someone who is going into an abusive situation like a "court of love." Some love.

You would love her far more than they ever could by standing up for her to her face. If she were going to jump into a vat of sewage, you'd probably object and not just say "as long as it's what you want." All your friend wants is approval from family or whoever is pressuring her to do this.

People get really weird about 'interfering' with other people's religions, as if it were OK to believe really stupid stuff about life. If your friend were married to an abuser and yet still talked about the sanctity of marriage and "you've made your bed, now lie in it" kind of stuff, you would try your best to keep her from going back to her abusive partner, wouldn't you?

Speak up! Friends are the most valuable when they do. Friends don't let friends go into Courts of Luv...at least not without a fight!

See, I can rant too.

You can tell them you think they're nuts in a really nice, respectful way. Maybe say, "I think in light of your past experience this would be a big mistake. You know my feelings about the church and I really don't agree with what you're doing." It probably won't change their mind, but they will be clear as to your position. I think all that nicey-nice acceptance of other people's stupid choices doesn't give them the opportunity to see that what they're doing may NOT be right.