Posted by:
Strykary
(
)
Date: October 03, 2010 01:52AM
In all honesty, I'm confused. As a teen exploring my own sexuality I feel little to no desire for anyone, male or female, no strong attraction. There have been a couple I experimented with, but even that didn't go far before I felt physically ill. Maybe that's why I don't feel attracted to anyone? Trying to avoid that physical illness?
I only ever feel this sickness when someone is flirting with me or trying to be physical with me. If I reciprocate, the sickness worsens; it feels like nausea. I soaked up the content in those chastity meetings, bishops interviews, and etc., committed those perverted principles to memory and shamed myself for getting the least bit horny. Gotta stay worthy to bless the sacrament and go to the temple ya know? I never imagined those firesides and interviews would have had this strong of an effect on me, especially to the point of physical sickness.
I don't know how to reverse this, it's almost a survival instinct, a deep-seated fight or flight knee-jerk reaction. Does anyone else have experience with being physically ill when someone expresses a sexual interest in you? Did you ever get rid of this conditioned instinct?