Spent some time thinking, about my life, and I have come to some additional conclusions of what effect the mormon cult had on my decisions, and how my life has turned out.

I am a type a person and generally 'get her done" and expect perfection from myself and all others. I wass taught and threatened by the morg to "be yet therefor perfect, even as your father in Heaven is perfect". I tried with all my heart to please that cult and meet their ridiculous standards.

My patriarchal blessing said that my posterity would be great in number.

I am on my sixth marriage. I could find that girl perfect enough for me. I have 14 children. What the fuck was I thinking? When I think all of lives damaged, all of the money lost, and the chaos of 60 years of living, I'd blame mostly the mormon cult for most of the bad decisions I made.

Certainly I am inhuman, and I take full responsibility for having to learn for myself, and the general I've mistakes and more decisions that I have made. However, that cult made the mentally ill, and set standards that were outrageous. Between the cult, my personality, and the really important decisions of life that I made were centered around more in church.

I'm not angry anymore, but when I think in discover how much damage as churches tend to me as a person and how many lives I basically destroyed, I'm ashamed, embarrassed, and so sad. This church does not put family's first, or family's forever, or concern for any individual. They destroy families and people over the years. I paid tidying when I should have paid for the necessities of life for my large family. I dare Sunday school lessons and talked, mowed lawns, and went to the welfare farms, instead of going to my children's activities. I don't blame them, that they shun me, I'm so ashamed I'd lead them into this cult. I am so sorry for the damage that has been done, I'll take my share of the responsibility, but the cult also has to take their responsibility.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2010 11:52AM by get her done.

I feel for you and harbor the same resentment (although it has lessened as I have made myself happier without the church). As a youth in Zion, I was totally brainwashed. I got married at 18. I was scared to be unmarried and have to go on a mission. I also gave up a full-ride scholarship for college for my eternal partner who didn't want me to go to school and spend time away from him. I kick myself still for the time and money those decisions cost me ... and I divorced the eternal partner too!!

We can all look at how the church damaged our lives. You talk about all your children and how you spent all the time and money doing things for the church. I can look at mine and think I didn't "get to do" what you did. I wanted 8 kids (I'm laughing as I type that). I wanted what you had and I didn't get it. Marrying someone gay saved me from that--but not in terms of we didn't want or try for more children (I was lucky I never could get pregnant again). My life is NOTHING like I planned it to be and I planned my life to be a mother of a lot of children with a good man (not a mormon leader--never wanted a leader for my husband).

BUT here I am--I have only two kids. I chose to quit paying tithing when they were 6 (because we needed money to go to a very expensive psychiatrist to save our marriage). Even if my kids had a single mother who worked two jobs, my kids got more attention from me than most two parent mormon children (they have compared with their friends).

You and I really believed and we bought it hook, line, and sinker. We lived mormonism to the best of our abilities and our lives turned out entirely different--yet we were aiming for the same goals.

As my therapist told me--"We tested mormonism to its very limits and it failed us." Yep.

Just like you--I'm no longer angry, but as you look around you at the rest of us exmormons, we all were living it and we all came out in different places, but WE ARE THE ONES who had to pick up the pieces and taken responsibility for their bad advice and we need to be proud that we have succeeded in doing so.

I should add that my therapist is an exmormon, too--and he feels the same about himself. He just got out younger than we did. He was in his mid 20s when he left.

I too feel for you. Do some of your kids hear you now....listen to you now with your new knowledge. I hope some are inactive or will be with time. And yes, it is not all YOUR fault....you were taught to give ALL to the cult. That means your kids had to take a back seat sometimes. So now you can be a big help to others who may be living as you once did. Don't ever forget what you can do now.

I do not feel the same way as you. I believe that I should assume full responsibility for the way my life has turned out.

I do not wish to be unkind in my reply. To be married 6 times and have 14 kids is not common. To say the LDS church should take some responsibility for that--well I do not know you, but I would not be inclined to agree with your comment.

I believe that we are should assume the responsibility for how our lives turn out.

Means six mother-in-laws! That's some shit right there!

(I guess it's "mothers-in-law"?)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/30/2010 05:22PM by Levi.

I do believe that mormonism causes mental illness issues to some extent in exmos and those still trapped. It just manifests itself in different ways.

You had 6 marriages and 14 kids, and I had 1 marriage and 6 kids and I question those decisions I made.

First of all, I married a tbm and that is a recipe for disaster right there. Say what you will, but I feel it is very difficult to establish a level of intimacy married to a cult addict. And who in their right mind would marry someone in a temple that excludes non TR holding family members? Right there is an example of mental illness, a cult taking priority over family. And those of us exmos that were married in the temple believed it.

We all were conned by the slick conmen selling Joseph Smith. We bought it, lived it, shared it, and let it consume us. Many of us regret mormon tainted decisions that in todays world is a recipe for disaster. Some can avoid disaster, but for many, the decisions have been made, and we live with the mormon tainted consequences.

And yes the church is to blame for most things, because in a normal environment, normal people would show us the error of our ways, not live equally irresponsible lives as well.

I do call it cult induced irresponsibilty.

How many fell for the culture of looking perfect every Sunday while in private they are hell to live with?
How many have sexual shame resulting in sexual excesses?
How many have given up personally enjoyable activities and hobbies for 100% cult activities?
How many have become conditional with their affection to their spouse or children for not giving mormonism 110%?
How many have given need monies to the cult to built usless buildings that few use?
How many gave up 2 yrs of post secondary to go cult recruiting?
How many paid for their own mission to recruit for a cult?
How many clean church buildings AND Bathrooms/toilets even though they pays thousands of $$$ yearly to a cult?
How many have believed a completely fabricated story without researching?
How many have believed totally that there are specific roles for the genders and deviation from that 1950's lifestyle was a huge sin?

How many have subjected ourselves to the guilting and shaming cult in all its boundary crossing and victimizing practices?

Cult cause distorted thinking, and until one leaves and steps out of the box, can they begin to see clearly. They also will see that mormonism is far from Christianity.

This is a very good description of what it does to people....

not decide for ourselves--but to just obey without question.

I like what Honestone said! "Don't forget what you can do now."

Your life is not over, get her done! Your children are still on this planet! Out of 14, I'm sure at least a few are not shunning you.

Your children need a father! Especially if they are being raised in the Mormon cult. They need someone to love them unconditionally. They need someone to look at each of them as a unique individual. They need to be treated as though they are someone special, and not just a number to be counted on an attendance sheet. Yes! Your children need something other than money, other than prestige, other than judgments, and other than a "perfect example."

Your children need love, and it is never too late to give it to them.

its not too late with your kids.

"The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago....the second best time is NOW."

Ancient Wisdom..anon

You're also kind. I had the time of my life is Halloween, my two daughters that I adopted from the Philippines. I felt like a child as we went down spook ally, bought candy apples, painted their faces,whent to non mormon parties, and had the time of my life. I'm sitting here tonight thinking, and on during the joy of my life since I left the mormon church. I have time to talk, teach, listen and last family. Yes, I do do homework, listen to my oldest 12 year old play her concert piano watched them play their wii, listen to them saying on their karaoke machine,playing their drums, and learing about on demand tv, and getting movies they have never seen. All this new, all exciting, for the first time I feel like the real father. I don't know if I should thank the Christian god, the agnostic god, or the atheist god. I am just thankful from the bottom of my heart that the mormon church is no part of my life for theirs.

If you care to respond....do none of the Mom's (I assume) push the LDS church???

all pushed the church. I was misterable even with the RM and cheerleader I was married to for 18 years. What a waste of life by the policies of the cult. Hate, hate, do they wonder why their buildings are being burned. I dont like it, but I do understand the anger most of us have had, and many still do.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 11/01/2010 09:42AM by get her done.