Posted by:
Duder
(
)
Date: November 05, 2010 12:13PM
I have learned to feed myself.
For so long, I was force-fed everything that spiritually sustained me. There were things I wanted to spit out, but I trusted those who kept me fed. They seemed healthy enough. And I think they loved me.
At some point, I became a cafeteria mormon, choosing only the spiritual morsels I enjoyed. If something no longer appealed to me, I left it uneaten, but I did not want to give up on the idea of others feeding me. At times, I felt very guilty for using the cafeteria, and leaving so many items untouched. It was as if I was insulting those who prepared so many meals for me.
Then, I became violently ill after a particularly bad stretch of cafeteria food. I refused to return, no matter how lovingly my friends offered.
After a season of absolute starvation, I am finally learning to find spiritual food on my own. I forage. I hunt. I scavenge. I even steal. But I refuse to accept my spiritual food from the hand of anyone who may use it to control me. That will never happen again.
Call it pride. Call it a lack of faith. Just don't call me to your dinner table. I'll take care of myself.