Ok. So I am new to this and this is my husbands favorite site! So, I thought hey I will bring this question to you all since we can't agree and have no money for a therapist!
Would all of you please give me some insight to the following question at the end of a brief ok long- story about us! Thankyou! My H- said my mom and bestfriend don't count..but I know you all will count!

Our brief history: I'm sorry if its kinda a long story!
H- 45, Kids from previous marriage 22, 18, 16, 13 1/2, 10, income - 85,000 plus up to 10k for overtime= $95k.
W- (me) Kids from previous marriage 13, 11, and 7. Income $9,865 yearly plus I receive $1,300 a month for my children in child support. His 2 oldest are gone. He pays $3,000 a month to ex for child support. Plus, 75 percent of all piano lessons, basketball, tennis, track, softball,etc... expenses every month and 75 % of their medical bills.

We have a 14 month old baby together, will be married 1 year on Dec. 30th.
We live together in the city in my home that I moved into 5 years ago. He has a home an hour away on a farm w 20 acres. He lives with me to be close to his children.
We combined two very different lifestyles and well now..its just going down hill. Everything was wonderful in the begining ..I guess like it always is..dinner, movies, dates, hot sex..etc...then the kids came into the picture after him keeping his children away until we were married. At first, I thought ok...this will work...until the day came when his ex kicked out his son who needed to finish his last year in HS. H said no problem, he can move in w us, mind you my home is 1200 sq feet, with h and son coming from a 5,000 sq foot home..coming into a home with 4 girls and myself..So, we crammed all the girls together to give son his own room. He was to follow simple rules for 6 months while he stayed with us.
1. Go to school- no drugs
2. Have a job and actually go to work
3. No sex in house with girlfriends( hes already on girl 12 or last I heard count).
4. Obey curfew
So, for about the 1st month of marriage things were awesome as they should be. Then it just started to go down hill from there..His son would not follow any of the rules..by May I was just tired of hearing hubbys excuses for everything his son was doing. All the while he was still paying ex cs for him living with us, hubby paying car insurance, lunch money, extra money, etc.
Meanwhile, I am exhausted from working M_F 7 to 5 everyday ( I have a daycare in my home) I care for 3 babies plus my own. While hubby has been at a job for 20 yr with pension, holiday pay,sick, vacation time, etc. I have no college degree ( I have 176 credit hours while going to college at nights since I've been 18) but no degree. I close on some holidays and take 5 days off in July and 5 days off in Dec. I love what I do, and I get to take care of my girls and be there for them when they get on the bus in mornings and when they come home...plus I save in child care! But he somehow will throw it in my face he has a better job because he has a college degree. I also remind him how he doesnt pay 200.00 a week in daycare at his office building where he works!
So, here it is beg. of June. I leave the house on Sun. to take the baby and girls to visit my mom and hour away, H knew I would be gone about 8 hours or so. He was to be with his girls at his farm for the same amount of time....his son was to be gone from house with friends and gf...well it turned out when I came home with my girls someone had a pool party (above ground pool)nothing fancy in my backyard and left trash in the can (unrecycled) just threw it in. And had some alone time with gf in my house. So, needless to say. that was the breaking point after 6 months of breaking rules on a daily basis. I wanted him out he could go back to his moms before he left for armed forces. So, he was gone the next day. So, before our eyes everything is falling apart. July 3rd, I over hear my h- laughing at me with his kids, telling his kids to lie to me about what they were up to...he was being so funny mocking me in his funny voices he does. I never thought he would ever make fun of me. Then after a huge fight I find out he secretly recorded me while my best friend was over and we were sitting catching up for an hour-he had hid his digital recorder tape me. Gosh, all I said were good things about him, yet when I ask him to provide the tape he can't do it....this is all with in a few days of each other. H then called me crazy and pyscho ( 1 time ) he says...we both have trust issues..we both had spouses cheat on us! I just couldn't move past the thoughts in my mind of him laughing at me so we saw a marriage therapist twice. H said he would never call me another name again. He did good for a bout a month. Not really. The night before his b day he told me to "shut the f$@# up". So, I gave him a bday card the next day that on the outside the cover says..."Super Guy" but handwritten on the inside it said from your wife who you told you "shut the Fu#$ up". Needless to say 3 days later when it was my bday ...I got nothing...oh we went to dinner with my free 25.00 mealcoupon and free 8.00 coupon for bday dessert. He just had to pay for himself. Wow. Never did get a card or flowers or gift. He forgets all the things and cards I've given him. So, now its down to nothing at this point..I don't feel like we are married and I don't feel like a family.
I signed a prenup on dec. 29th, stating that whats mine is mine, my house, his is his..his farm...me and the baby would get nothing if we divorced. He wants his farm for his other children. Any money he receives from his mother upon her death is his. My mom has nothing so no big deal for me. Money is not that important to me...what I have is fine and I am happy with. I paid 50.00 to a baptist minister to marry us( both of us are exmo) the next day. He later gave me the money back..and from Jan- Jun he gave me 600.00 to help with bills while he and his son lived with me and my girls. July and Aug. also 600.00 and finally in Sept. he bumped it up to 1,000. He finally realized by me marrying him it was hurting me. I no longer got my earned income credit, etc . So, we live paycheck to pay check like most of you I presume. We have more debt than what we bring in. He has no clue what its like to have many calls sometimes up to 17 a day of people looking for him to pay bills on things he owes from his previous marriage.Cause hes at work. In addition to his 3k a month to ex and 75 % of extras he currently owes her about $1,000 in his kids extra activities. H also pays 25.00 amonth on her 5k credit card he took over in divorce and 100.00 a month on another 5k credit card and 75.00 amonth on another 15,000 credit card. I don't know where all his money goes as we have sep.accounts ..he gives me the grand to help pay electric, gas, water, phone, food bills. So, to the point finally. Last week his daughter turned 16 and well she gets this car he promised her..but it needs to be fixed up ...broken windshield, new tire, wipers, seatcover, floor mats, license, inspection, insurance, etc. Mind you she is soph in high school, and has no job. She had been grounded (her mother doing)for having sex with her bf this past summer. So, she was sneaking around/lying as all teenagers do I guess or most teenagers.
THe problem being: My h has 50.00 to his name last week, usually borrows money on a regular basis from his mom to get him by till he gets paid again. he never pays her back either. He paid 15.00 for his kid to get a hair cut..when he pays an insane amount of CS( his ex is also a school teacher so she makes good money her self). So, then when he has no money... he calls mom. ANyway, daughter wanted to shampoo "her car" shes getting..but he had no money..so mom stepped in to pay the 25.00 to hdepot for the renting of the machine. H told me daughter would not be getting the car until she held a job for 6 or 7 months and she was a responsible young lady. So, when I said call her and put her on speaker phone...I want to hear her say that...wow..guess what she said when dad said ..when do you think you are getting that car...her answer...as soon as I get a job...he sure did hang the phone up fast..Anway his kids have always gotten what they want they live over in the well off neighborhood to put it nicely. THey are well taken care of. He told me to mind my own business and him and his ex will take care of it. I said ...well when you pay the bills over her and take care of us I will drop it...but hey that will never happen. I will always be working. I said why can't you tow the car to your exs house and let her deal with it..thats why she gets CS to pay for things like that. H thinks its bonding time with kid to fix up car. When we all know what 16 year old do ..drive around w friends and find ways to have sex with bf.gf. My point was bills come first, then my ring, then the car or simply have the car towed to the exs house and let her deal with it..........Oh that's right..I married the guy and have no freaking wedding ring.....because we have no money!!! Nothing....I also have to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas without h because I can't go to his moms house with baby because her hubby doesnt know we have a baby let alone out of wedlock!!!!! Its such a bad thing to be mormon and have a baby with out being married. So, if you all ask why I am still married..much more to story...but we don't even have the 30.00 for our copay to see a therapist, let alone get divorced. I do love him, and the sex is great...but that's about it....and after last week..who knows when he'll get a bj from me....I just don't care anymore. I think I have put up with alot again...he used to get them daily..not anymore.. I was just fine for 3 months taking care of a newborn...I didn't really want to get remarried but he said it's the right thing to do...
So, Question!!!!!

I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO TELL ME I AM NOT INSANE, CRAZY OR PSYCHO, FOR WANTING BILLS PAID First, NOT HAVING A MOM (teens grandmother) PAY FOR THINGS TO FIX UP A CAR, WANTING A FREAKING WEDDING RING ALL BEFORE A 16 YEAR OLD IS HANDED A CAR. OR SIMPLY TOW THE CAR TO THE EX WIFE AND LET HER TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING WITH THE CAR, SINCE THE DAUGHTER LIVES WITH HER. My h wants to hear what a therapist has to say...he just doesn't get it...
Please please may I have your thoughts?????????????????????oh and most of all the ring I have been waiting on is at JCpenney for $829.36 with tax!!! So, its not some fancy ring...just a simple wedding ring.....I am not asking for some high dollar wedding ring!!!! Thank you!

I believe it is in your power to have what you want. But it all depends on what YOU do, not what someone else does.

Sounds like you're both out of touch with reality and are living beyond your means. If you have to borrow money from Mom to pay bills, then you need to cut expenses. Pay your bills, pay Mom back and forget the car and ring.

All I'm hearing is that you want a ring....even if you do say "pay the bills first" several times. Oh, and by the way, somebody needs to bitchslap your DH for borrowing money from Mom.

Sorry, you asked.

Ron

Divorce. That's my advice. He's emotionally abusive to you and will NEVER, NEVER, NEVER change.

You're not insane, crazy or psycho. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, but he will NEVER treat you that way. Stand up for yourself and get out of a bad marriage.

Many of us have been in similar marriages. It doesn't get any better.

I encourage you to read these sites about emotional abuse. YOU and your children are what's most important.

http://www.youarenotcrazy.com/

http://www.heartless-bitches.com/rants/manipulator/emotional_abuse.shtml

http://www.womansdivorce.com/emotional-abuse.html

My best to you :)

TG

Please take this voice of almost 20 yrs experience in a similar situation. He's not going to change. His spending habits and putting his kids before you. It's not going to change. Ever. I've been there, and still am. You either have to come to grips with that or leave. It is so early in your marriage with you coming to realize it, I would say LEAVE NOW! Do you and your children a favor and do it now.

Let's see... Your husband earns $96,000 a year, that converts to a tad over £82,000. And he has to accept handouts from his mother.

This is because he is living beyond his means.

He is not from Mars. But I am not sure what planet he does live on...

Hopefully you kids can work things out. But how or when? Who can say?

I foresee more problems down the road.

You are too focused on a wedding ring, that is too expensive for you. Really, you are concerned about what that wedding ring represents, and I don't blame you one bit! Your inlaws are treating you like you are their son's "other woman" and not his wife AND THE MOTHER OF HIS CHILD! The grandparents don't even KNOW about your baby?????

You are not insane. You are justifyable overwhelmed by a bundle of problems over which you have no control. That can be extremely frustrating.

It seems like your husband doesn't bother to communicate with you, and doesn't respect you. If you were truly a partnership, you two could sit down and go through each problem one-by-one, and make a plan to solve it. Viewed as a huge pile, your problems can be overwhelming! Some problems can be solved by eliminating them. Such as, you got his son out of your house. You don't need an $800 wedding ring. The 16-year-old girl does not need a car. Your husband's children need to learn restraint--but they can only learn that if your husband learns it first. (By the way, your version of "great sex" is certainly different from "making love.")

Can you lock him out of your house and get a divorce? You aren't getting much support from him anyway, and no hope of any in the future. This marriage was doomed from the start. It does seem like you've tried very hard to make it work. Heck, if you left, his parents wouldn't even know they've lost a grandchild. I would sue for full custody of your baby, unless you have an air-tight document awarding you some money.

Whenever someone is confused, and in the process of making a decision, like you are, getting more information helps. I suggest you ask some key questions, such as:

1. Are you sure your husband was cheated on? Or, was it the other way around? Is he cheating on you now? He obviously doesn't love or respect you. This is important, and you don't need to reveal this information, but did he cheat on his wife with you? Red flags!

2. Would your husband have married you if you hadn't been pregnant?

3. When and how does your husband plan on telling his parents that you have a child together?

You had a child when you were both in no place to be raising another child.

You got married with no idea how you were going to manage being a blended family, and what the finances were going to be.

You want to feel loved and appreciated, and seem to think that getting a wedding ring will show that you are. If you get one, you still won't feel loved and appreciated due to the fact that you aren't loved and appreciated.

He's a douche. Taping you without your knowledge is way over the line.

Your history together makes you both sound like dumb 15 year old who get too passionate and got knocked up, but thought that it would all magically work out. It didn't.

You guys don't even sound mature enough to have children as old as you have. Choosing to have a child with someone should involve a lot more thought and planning than you gave it. Foisting a step-father on your children should take more thought than you gave it also.

I'm thinking that you were needy and wanted to feel loved. You didn't get it, and you were silly to try to get it the way you did.

You asked for an opinion, and I had one.

Good luck on this train wreck.

DNA Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You had a child when you were both in no place to
> be raising another child.
>
> You got married with no idea how you were going to
> manage being a blended family, and what the
> finances were going to be.
>
> You want to feel loved and appreciated, and seem
> to think that getting a wedding ring will show
> that you are. If you get one, you still won't feel
> loved and appreciated due to the fact that you
> aren't loved and appreciated.
>
> He's a douche. Taping you without your knowledge
> is way over the line.
>
> Your history together makes you both sound like
> dumb 15 year old who get too passionate and got
> knocked up, but thought that it would all
> magically work out. It didn't.
>
> You guys don't even sound mature enough to have
> children as old as you have. Choosing to have a
> child with someone should involve a lot more
> thought and planning than you gave it. Foisting a
> step-father on your children should take more
> thought than you gave it also.
>
> I'm thinking that you were needy and wanted to
> feel loved. You didn't get it, and you were silly
> to try to get it the way you did.
>
> You asked for an opinion, and I had one.
>
> Good luck on this train wreck.

My thoughts exactly DNA.

I'm so sorry to be blunt but this is the type of shitty situation that results from people being selfish and not thinking about the consequences of their actions. You mean to tell me neither you or your DH stopped to consider how you were going to manage blending a family of NINE kids (is that correct? 5 of his, 3 of yours, 1 together right?)

It's no wonder the kids are acting out.

My father did the same thing - married some woman with 2 kids of her own, had 3 more with her, and 4 of us from my mother.

It was HELL. Literal hell for all of us. She would actually tell my father lies about us to get some attention from him and because she enjoyed when my father was mad at us. Needy crazy bitch.

After all the kids were able to escape that nightmare, (and thankfully we survived) they had to live with eachother and destroyed eachother.

She is in a state mental institution and after a few years in jail my father is out living off welfare and addicted to pain meds and is a complete drain on society.

Get out of that marriage and spare yourself and your kids years of pain and misery.

Sometimes measuring your worth on a cash balance sheet is not helpful... but it is a red flag. The details of ring/car/debt/borrowing/living beyond cloud the things that REALLY matter. It might help to back off from the details and think of what makes a blended family work.

1) Equal commitment from both parties that the marriage comes first. (Lip service doesn't count--it's in what he does)

2) Acknowledgment before friends/family that he loves you, and you are a couple (being authentic and respecting you as an equal).

3) Understanding that your respective children from other relationships are super important to the individual happiness of each partner, but that decisions to use family resources is a joint decision.

4) Common pot. This should really be number one. Researchers found back in the 80's that this one factor was the greatest single predictor of whether or not the marriage would fail.

5) Loyalty to the marriage. No using you as the "enemy" to effect a cheapshot bond with rebellious, angry teenagers. They would be that way without you in the picture.

The problem with these complex blended families is that the social exchange upon which the marriage is based CHANGES because things change with time. I had a situation that seemed pretty stable--he was a horseman and I loved animals. All my kids were gone and we moved in together. Then I got sick and couldn't work and contribute to the upkeep of the minifarm. I got a job as a social worker and he was furious--FURIOUS--that I didn't go back to teaching. I was happier as a social worker but that didn't matter to him at all. Then my doctor advised me to stop taking estrogen (breast cancer risk) and I went full on into hyper-menopause. Gasping, sweating bullets and NOT interested in sex as much as before.

The social exchange that was balanced was now unbalanced. Then the final blow--or the camel's last straw. I needed a prescription and the horse needed a prescription (for skin problem, nothing fatal). We only had money for one. You guessed it--he told me the horse was getting the meds because "we owe it to him because we domesticated his entire species." Needless to say, I was horrified and heard his message very differently. Despite all the financial contributions I had made in the past, I was below the animal in priority and I was devastated. I moved out and he asked me if I could leave a check for hay.

The long view and your own gut will tell you whether or not this man VALUES you for the (obviously) devoted and wonderful woman that you are. The sex being great does not count because it will change, as will all the details you mention. What you build a marriage on that can stand a hurricane is MUTUAL RESPECT.

Sorry to say, but you can't get it from him/them until you give yourself your own SELF RESPECT by giving yourself space, rest and solitude to decide where you will draw your reasonable boundaries. Start with common pot. You'll learn plenty from that convesation, believe me.

My horseman and I started common pot for money once we were engaged. A few mornings later I got a call from my fiance begging me not to listen to the voice messages. Of course I immediately hung up and listened to his message. He called me a LYIN' B*TCH- I KNEW I COULD NEVER TRUST YOU, G**DAMN ****, and quite a lengthy condemnation. THe bank had removed some money from the wrong account and put it into the wrong account, but I learned that I did not even have the benefit of the doubt with this guy!

Later, after we were married and I got to see what was in the "locked room" I learned my real value. Horseman was about to lose the mini-ranch because he was financing his annual brand new horse-pulling trucks by refinancing the house at high interest rates. He needed my financial help to support the two Arabians, and I'm sure he liked the sex before I went into menopause. He was incredibly mean to me about the sex, let me tell you.

I apologize for the length of this, but it always makes you feel like your pain has been worth something if it can help someone else.

Anagrammy

In addition I would add: Stop having kids. Really. You have four of your own and nine between you. That's more than enough! Kids represent a financial drain that you can ill afford right now.

If it's true that you are working all those hours for less than $10,000 dollars a year, then you are not being adequately compensated for your time. Put your baby in the daycare at his job and either work full-time or go to school part time along with a part-time job. You might want to investigate getting certified as a day care provider so that you can open your own (official, certified) day care center.

One more thought: Since you are married, you might be responsible for all of his debts. I would get advice from legal aid about that. And insist that your baby have full inheritance rights.

I do understand the pull of a wedding ring. Get a very simple, inexpensive one for now. You don't have to spend $800 for it, or even close to that.

You two have so many problems, I don't know where to begin.
Maybe setting some boundaries and ground rules for your life, home and marriage, and enlisting a financial counselor and getting into some kind of marriage counseling to save the marriage if that is possible. Doesn't sound like it is possible though.

You married a man with that many mouths to feed, got pregnant for him-you got what you deserved-You were looking for a rich sugar Daddy and you got a broke old fart. Quit whining and get off your sorry ass and get a real job

Lady you need to bail the






Lady you need to bail the ^&*# out. Hit the road. Youve been HAD!!!











5768

Thank you for everyone's input...it really helped.
The ring is a "want" a "dream" something that I knew from the beg would never happen. WE both have divorces to pay for among other bills. I knew it would be hard from the get go bringing two different lifestyles` and kids. Odds r against us from start. I knew it was wrong to get married from the beg. just because of a baby. Combine kids and differnt lifestyles equals problems. His mom does know and comes over here to visit. I've had her over for many cookouts and dinners. WE (me and baby)have never been to her home with her husband h- step father. I just wanted others thoughts since my best friend and mom dont count! Thank you.

You are NOT insane and you are on to something regarding the wedding ring:

NEVER marry a man who cannot afford to buy you a ring - this a huge red flag!

Also, never marry a man with that much financial and emotional baggage!
It's clear his real loyalty is with his first batch of kids and you are now the resident drudge.

Wonder why his first marriage failed?

Before marrying a divorced person due diligence is ALWAYS A MUST.

This man was not playing with a full deck during courtship and you were overly optimistic about the damage children from a first marriage can do to a second marriage.

It does not look like this will work, from your description you are worse off than you were before.
Divorce him and force him to pay child support for your baby.

This is one of the most screwed up situations I have ever heard of. Your kids have no chance for a happy childhood under these conditions, and you certainly have no chance for a happy marriage. You need to find a place for you and your kids, and have the peace and serenity in your home that they deserve instead of this chaos. Leave him to the people he loves the most and let them sort it out. I'm really sorry you had a baby with this guy, but now you have to make the best of it.

If you can get a license for having a day care center, that would be an ideal way to earn a living while staying at home (by the way, npangel, being a day care provider IS a real job). A degree in early childhood ed is what you should be working toward. With all those credits you have, how long can it take? Government grants and loans are out there for single mothers.

You've made a big mistake hooking up with this guy, but now is the time to get a grip, grow up and make a life for your kids that does NOT involve all this crazy drama.

Deal with it !

He should have chosen his son and moved out when you got mad about the rules. His kid was a teenager who broke the rules??? OMG I bet that never happened before.

If he has a house with expenses and child support and all those extra expenses he very well could be strapped.

Deal with it, or get rid of him.

Together you make over $100,000 a year and you have no money for a therapist? I think both of you have your priorities messed up, or are not really being honest about wanting to go to a therapist. I would get out. Your situation is ridiculous.

He pays out $3,000 a month in child support PLUS an extra 75% of his kids' expenses?
No wonder he is strapped for cash.

It would be different if he was a loving, friendly husband to you. Then you could still make a go of it.
Apparently, your relationship worked well enough until he chose to bring his kids into your new marriage.

But the first wife ( as the custodial parent) has a legal and moral responsibility toward their underage children, she can't just kick them out when things get difficult.
It is unfair to expect you to pick up the slack whenever the kid's own mother decides to throw in the towel.

It looks like this man has some serious hangups (most likely guilt being a main factor) that he kept hidden before you married him.

Obviously, he has nothing left to contribute to this new marriage on any level.
Get child support and get out.

What state was his divorce fianlized in? Something is EXTREMELY fishy about the child support. I live in South Carolina and I just checked the guidelines for Utah, and assuming his ex earns $40-$50k/year as a teacher his TOTAL obligation should be less than $1,000/month. TOTAL.

BIG

RED

FLAG!!!

Most states have child support guidlines posted on-line. Child support awards are NOT permanent. He may have signed an agreement out of guilt that was WAY OUT OF LINE with state support guidelines. He may be able to go back to court and your financial picture may change drasticaly.

Or...

He is LYING HAS ASS OFF about where the money is going.

Have you seen the divorce decree? You can go to the courthouse or in some counties (like mine) look it up on line.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/09/2010 12:56PM by Truth Without Fear.

glo has it right! also his k=making fun of you and cursing you...... aghhhhh wrong answer! at least you admit making the mistakes... now good luck in FIXING IT! :)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/09/2010 01:44PM by bignevermo.

To the original poster, a follow up on my other harsh sounding post.

You are in a tough spot in many different ways. Your husband has obligations to his kids, and in my opinion those obligations supersede his obligations to you.

Hooking up with you is a choice. You guys get to decide if it's worth it or not. His kids, and your kids too, have no choice. They are stuck with whoever you bring home. And kids last forever. He will always be their dad, you may come or go, and there is only statistically about a 50% chance you'll stay around.

It's the same for your kids and you, I think your bigger obligation is to them, not your husband. It's different in a first marriage.

That doesn't mean he should be the ass that he's being, but if there is a situation where he has to choose between whats best for you, or best for the kids, I think it should go to the kids. They didn't get to choose you, they're stuck with whoever dad brought home. And as stated, the same goes the other direction with you and your kids with regard to him.

I wish the LDS church spent as much time teaching people how to date, marry, and have kids, as they did teaching about paying tithing. So many mormons have no idea how to do those things wisely.

Dating should be about having fun, and finding out who a compatible match is that will improve life much more than it will detract from the quality of life. It has nothing to do with who is "beautiful on the inside", how long you've been together, whether it is selfish to dump them, etc. It has everything to do with deciding what's best for you. And when prior kids are involved, it has to do with what's best for them.

Once that is all sorted out, and you have a good compatible match who has been vetted properly, then you move on to having kids.

You have kids when you are sure that the relationship is stable and conducive to being a good place to raise kids. Then you decide if your financial situation, short-term and long-term, is such that you can properly take care of and educate them. If all that is a go, then you have a child.

Mormons are taught to choose anyone, not marrying someone might be mean, and being mean isn't Christ like. And then have kids and trust in the Lord to provide. Well sometimes the Lord doesn't provide at all and the kid gets screwed in the process.

It's too bad that the LDS church doesn't teach what would really be wise and best for people.

So you built a baby without knowing if it would be a stable relationship in which to raise a child. Had one before you knew that financially you would be able to raise one in the manner that they deserve, education included.

Then you got married in the throws of new relationship ecstasy and good sex, but not sure at all of how good of a match for you and your children it would be.

Then soon after the fact became aware that you brought an ass into the family to stick yourself and your kids with.

In your mid-thirties, you should have had this figured out. I cut you some slack on having been LDS and never taught such things, but really... You screwed this one up badly.

She has a baby by him and he freely entered into a second marriage.

Yes he DOES have obligations to her and they are NOT superceded by obligations to his other children,who are well provided for and living with their mother.

What really should happen is that he sells his big spread and they buy a bigger house TOGETHER.

IF they take in the kids from his first marriage,the payments to the ex wife should decrease accordingly.

His loyalties are messed up and they are in dire need of counseling if they decide to stay together.

Glo Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

>
> Yes he DOES have obligations to her and they are
> NOT superceded by obligations to his other
> children,who are well provided for and living with
> their mother.
>


Many states and courts disagree with you. Support payments don't go equally to the children of the second marriage. The children from the first marriage get first claim to the money in many states.

That said, when I wrote that part I wasn't thinking about the new baby. I was picturing just the original kids of both parties. Totally forgot that they built one between them as I wrote that part of my response.

I'm a bit more conflicted than the courts about it. Part of me says why punish the innocent new child? And another part of me thinks that if a guy has 5 kids, and the courts order support for those kids, and then he goes and builds 10 more kids with 5 different women, why decrease the quality of life for the original kids every time he does that? Many courts think that you don't, and pretty much thinks that the new women should already know that they will be behind the previous kids in line for money. It's not an easy call.

But absent the new baby, I stand by what i said completely. They kids didn't get to choose him, or her to come into their lives. They are stuck with whatever mom or dad brings home and didn't ask for it at all.