Posted by:
Venus Woman
(
)
Date: November 08, 2010 04:36PM
Ok. So I am new to this and this is my husbands favorite site! So, I thought hey I will bring this question to you all since we can't agree and have no money for a therapist!
Would all of you please give me some insight to the following question at the end of a brief ok long- story about us! Thankyou! My H- said my mom and bestfriend don't count..but I know you all will count!
Our brief history: I'm sorry if its kinda a long story!
H- 45, Kids from previous marriage 22, 18, 16, 13 1/2, 10, income - 85,000 plus up to 10k for overtime= $95k.
W- (me) Kids from previous marriage 13, 11, and 7. Income $9,865 yearly plus I receive $1,300 a month for my children in child support. His 2 oldest are gone. He pays $3,000 a month to ex for child support. Plus, 75 percent of all piano lessons, basketball, tennis, track, softball,etc... expenses every month and 75 % of their medical bills.
We have a 14 month old baby together, will be married 1 year on Dec. 30th.
We live together in the city in my home that I moved into 5 years ago. He has a home an hour away on a farm w 20 acres. He lives with me to be close to his children.
We combined two very different lifestyles and well now..its just going down hill. Everything was wonderful in the begining ..I guess like it always is..dinner, movies, dates, hot sex..etc...then the kids came into the picture after him keeping his children away until we were married. At first, I thought ok...this will work...until the day came when his ex kicked out his son who needed to finish his last year in HS. H said no problem, he can move in w us, mind you my home is 1200 sq feet, with h and son coming from a 5,000 sq foot home..coming into a home with 4 girls and myself..So, we crammed all the girls together to give son his own room. He was to follow simple rules for 6 months while he stayed with us.
1. Go to school- no drugs
2. Have a job and actually go to work
3. No sex in house with girlfriends( hes already on girl 12 or last I heard count).
4. Obey curfew
So, for about the 1st month of marriage things were awesome as they should be. Then it just started to go down hill from there..His son would not follow any of the rules..by May I was just tired of hearing hubbys excuses for everything his son was doing. All the while he was still paying ex cs for him living with us, hubby paying car insurance, lunch money, extra money, etc.
Meanwhile, I am exhausted from working M_F 7 to 5 everyday ( I have a daycare in my home) I care for 3 babies plus my own. While hubby has been at a job for 20 yr with pension, holiday pay,sick, vacation time, etc. I have no college degree ( I have 176 credit hours while going to college at nights since I've been 18) but no degree. I close on some holidays and take 5 days off in July and 5 days off in Dec. I love what I do, and I get to take care of my girls and be there for them when they get on the bus in mornings and when they come home...plus I save in child care! But he somehow will throw it in my face he has a better job because he has a college degree. I also remind him how he doesnt pay 200.00 a week in daycare at his office building where he works!
So, here it is beg. of June. I leave the house on Sun. to take the baby and girls to visit my mom and hour away, H knew I would be gone about 8 hours or so. He was to be with his girls at his farm for the same amount of time....his son was to be gone from house with friends and gf...well it turned out when I came home with my girls someone had a pool party (above ground pool)nothing fancy in my backyard and left trash in the can (unrecycled) just threw it in. And had some alone time with gf in my house. So, needless to say. that was the breaking point after 6 months of breaking rules on a daily basis. I wanted him out he could go back to his moms before he left for armed forces. So, he was gone the next day. So, before our eyes everything is falling apart. July 3rd, I over hear my h- laughing at me with his kids, telling his kids to lie to me about what they were up to...he was being so funny mocking me in his funny voices he does. I never thought he would ever make fun of me. Then after a huge fight I find out he secretly recorded me while my best friend was over and we were sitting catching up for an hour-he had hid his digital recorder tape me. Gosh, all I said were good things about him, yet when I ask him to provide the tape he can't do it....this is all with in a few days of each other. H then called me crazy and pyscho ( 1 time ) he says...we both have trust issues..we both had spouses cheat on us! I just couldn't move past the thoughts in my mind of him laughing at me so we saw a marriage therapist twice. H said he would never call me another name again. He did good for a bout a month. Not really. The night before his b day he told me to "shut the f$@# up". So, I gave him a bday card the next day that on the outside the cover says..."Super Guy" but handwritten on the inside it said from your wife who you told you "shut the Fu#$ up". Needless to say 3 days later when it was my bday ...I got nothing...oh we went to dinner with my free 25.00 mealcoupon and free 8.00 coupon for bday dessert. He just had to pay for himself. Wow. Never did get a card or flowers or gift. He forgets all the things and cards I've given him. So, now its down to nothing at this point..I don't feel like we are married and I don't feel like a family.
I signed a prenup on dec. 29th, stating that whats mine is mine, my house, his is his..his farm...me and the baby would get nothing if we divorced. He wants his farm for his other children. Any money he receives from his mother upon her death is his. My mom has nothing so no big deal for me. Money is not that important to me...what I have is fine and I am happy with. I paid 50.00 to a baptist minister to marry us( both of us are exmo) the next day. He later gave me the money back..and from Jan- Jun he gave me 600.00 to help with bills while he and his son lived with me and my girls. July and Aug. also 600.00 and finally in Sept. he bumped it up to 1,000. He finally realized by me marrying him it was hurting me. I no longer got my earned income credit, etc . So, we live paycheck to pay check like most of you I presume. We have more debt than what we bring in. He has no clue what its like to have many calls sometimes up to 17 a day of people looking for him to pay bills on things he owes from his previous marriage.Cause hes at work. In addition to his 3k a month to ex and 75 % of extras he currently owes her about $1,000 in his kids extra activities. H also pays 25.00 amonth on her 5k credit card he took over in divorce and 100.00 a month on another 5k credit card and 75.00 amonth on another 15,000 credit card. I don't know where all his money goes as we have sep.accounts ..he gives me the grand to help pay electric, gas, water, phone, food bills. So, to the point finally. Last week his daughter turned 16 and well she gets this car he promised her..but it needs to be fixed up ...broken windshield, new tire, wipers, seatcover, floor mats, license, inspection, insurance, etc. Mind you she is soph in high school, and has no job. She had been grounded (her mother doing)for having sex with her bf this past summer. So, she was sneaking around/lying as all teenagers do I guess or most teenagers.
THe problem being: My h has 50.00 to his name last week, usually borrows money on a regular basis from his mom to get him by till he gets paid again. he never pays her back either. He paid 15.00 for his kid to get a hair cut..when he pays an insane amount of CS( his ex is also a school teacher so she makes good money her self). So, then when he has no money... he calls mom. ANyway, daughter wanted to shampoo "her car" shes getting..but he had no money..so mom stepped in to pay the 25.00 to hdepot for the renting of the machine. H told me daughter would not be getting the car until she held a job for 6 or 7 months and she was a responsible young lady. So, when I said call her and put her on speaker phone...I want to hear her say that...wow..guess what she said when dad said ..when do you think you are getting that car...her answer...as soon as I get a job...he sure did hang the phone up fast..Anway his kids have always gotten what they want they live over in the well off neighborhood to put it nicely. THey are well taken care of. He told me to mind my own business and him and his ex will take care of it. I said ...well when you pay the bills over her and take care of us I will drop it...but hey that will never happen. I will always be working. I said why can't you tow the car to your exs house and let her deal with it..thats why she gets CS to pay for things like that. H thinks its bonding time with kid to fix up car. When we all know what 16 year old do ..drive around w friends and find ways to have sex with bf.gf. My point was bills come first, then my ring, then the car or simply have the car towed to the exs house and let her deal with it..........Oh that's right..I married the guy and have no freaking wedding ring.....because we have no money!!! Nothing....I also have to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas without h because I can't go to his moms house with baby because her hubby doesnt know we have a baby let alone out of wedlock!!!!! Its such a bad thing to be mormon and have a baby with out being married. So, if you all ask why I am still married..much more to story...but we don't even have the 30.00 for our copay to see a therapist, let alone get divorced. I do love him, and the sex is great...but that's about it....and after last week..who knows when he'll get a bj from me....I just don't care anymore. I think I have put up with alot again...he used to get them daily..not anymore.. I was just fine for 3 months taking care of a newborn...I didn't really want to get remarried but he said it's the right thing to do...
So, Question!!!!!
I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO TELL ME I AM NOT INSANE, CRAZY OR PSYCHO, FOR WANTING BILLS PAID First, NOT HAVING A MOM (teens grandmother) PAY FOR THINGS TO FIX UP A CAR, WANTING A FREAKING WEDDING RING ALL BEFORE A 16 YEAR OLD IS HANDED A CAR. OR SIMPLY TOW THE CAR TO THE EX WIFE AND LET HER TAKE CARE OF EVERYTHING WITH THE CAR, SINCE THE DAUGHTER LIVES WITH HER. My h wants to hear what a therapist has to say...he just doesn't get it...
Please please may I have your thoughts?????????????????????oh and most of all the ring I have been waiting on is at JCpenney for $829.36 with tax!!! So, its not some fancy ring...just a simple wedding ring.....I am not asking for some high dollar wedding ring!!!! Thank you!