I guess in the back of my mind I kind of hoped all my deep-seated issues would be resolved once I wasn't ingrained in the church anymore. But I was diagnosed bipolar (much too late....well, I guess not TOO late since technically I'm still alive) recently. This isn't a surprise to me since I used to cut myself daily due to anxiety and stress (mostly because of guilt as a youth in the church....)

Well, I'm out, I'm officially out, and I guess I thought, or at least hoped, all those issues would resolve themselves. I suppose I should admit to myself that I know, "beyond a shadow of a doubt...with ever fiber of my being" that I would have killed myself by now had I stayed in the church. But I guess I'm a little sad/bitter that my mental illness was fostered and developed because of the cult I was raised in. I'm not sure I can ever regain mental health again.

Along those lines, it really bothers me when people are aghast that I announce I'm done having children after two (I should probably just quit announcing this, but people in the Morridor are so effing nosey that I just find myself answering these ridiculously invasive questions).

I mean, yes, my husband had a vasectomy because both of us knew the moment I got pregnant with my second that we were done. And people who are shocked that I would CHOOSE to quit having children voluntarily at 2...I wish I could tell them that mentally and emotionally I'm taxed. I fear for my life and my mental wellbeing as it is; another child would kill me. Why is it that I'm a sinner and prideful for quitting while I'm ahead instead of having 5 kids and killing myself before 40?!

I'm sorry that there are people who desperately want kids that can't have them. I'd give my fertility to them if I could. But I know that for the rest of my life that I don't want more kids. I am barely keeping my head afloat as it is as a full-time student, part-time employee, medicore mother and wife of a husband who works and goes to school full-time. And, no, "things won't change" after the stress in my life is reduced. It just means I don't want to slit my wrists daily.

I hate being raised in a culture that encourages me to overshare and respect authority figures that don't deserve it. Will I ever break free from the stupid traditions that I know to be wrong and insulting?!

Sorry for the posting while under the influence and ranting. Ignore this and move on. thank you.

Making the initial break from Mormonism can be very tough, especially if you are in regular contact with Mormons.

My advice is to find ways to detach yourself from the judgmental people you described. From the sound of it, they are not contributing anything useful to your experience and don't seem to care to support your choices.

People are entitled to have as many (including none) children as they damn well please. Don't let yourself feel bad because some assholes told you otherwise.

Tell them you had a revelation and God came with a flaming sword demanding you to have no more than 2 kids.

Then just stop trying to keep up with the fucking false church's stupid standards... if you only want 2 kids then you are golden. The world doesn't need everyone breeding like rabbits. You are doing the world and it's resources a favor. Thank you!

Now live your life. There is no need to feel guilty for your choice. It is your life.

Just think how Chinese LDS feel (if there are any) - they BY LAW cannot have more than 1 child!!!

How's that for a mindfuck.

It is nobody's business how many kids you choose to have, and you are under no obligation to answer prying questions.

I stopped at two, and when people ask me about it, I say I wanted two so I could spend time with them and afford to pay for their college. Nobody has ever had a snide remark to say after that.

Mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of. I am proud of you for getting help for it. :)

Practice saying these words, with the biggest smile you have:
"I'm sorry, but that's none of your business." OR, you could say "I wouldn't dream of answering such an invasive question."

If you do this, you will retain some of the power you would otherwise loose if you were to answer the question. When we refuse to give up our personal power (by refusing to give up personal information) we take a step away from the sick culture that is mormonism and a step toward mental health. It won't cure your bi-polar disorder, but it will make you strong for the long haul.