Was thinking about polygamy this afternoon, and was curious about gay polygamous relationships. DEFINITELY not for me, but a provocative topic, dontchathink?
I was aquainted with a trio once. It was two men and a woman. One of the guys was married to the woman but they referred to themselves as all being married to each other.
It worked for them, but I don;t know that I could do it.
This isn't polygamy (because the definition of polygamy is restricted to one male being married, or in a marital-type relationship with, with two or more females at the same time).
What you're referring to here (one person, being married to, or in a marital-type relationship with, two or more other persons--regardless of the gender or sexual orientation of any of the people involved) is called polyamory.
Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 11/09/2010 07:25PM by tevai.
There was a gay group in Denver two decades ago, called themselves "The Family." They were LDS and all married to each other. They practiced "all things in common." Their symbol was "Eye of the Needle." They put ads in gay magazines across the USA.
I had an affair that involved myself and two other men. We met at a gay circuit party where flirting got confused. I'm not at all certain who started flirting with whom, but it was clear that each of us was interested in the other two, so when it was suggested we all go off and play, well, I couldn't say no. OK, the truth, I was so horned up I just might have been the one that suggested we all go off and play.
The affair lasted a few months and here are a couple of observations:
1: When all 3 are in bed trying to sleep, the person in the middle is always way to warm, its like sleeping between two heaters.
2: Relationships between more than 2 people are inherently unstable. In a 3 way relationship eventually two will connect better and, in a sense, the third gets voted off the island. Well not really voted out of the relationship but the relationship does tend to unbalance with different levels of bonding between individuals. There will eventually be a stronger bond between two of the people that leaves the third left out.
I don't ever see myself trying to make a 3 person long term relationship as in getting married, but I certainly wouldn't run away from another such affair. Everyone had a good time and we ended up as friends.
I couldn't agree more. Several years ago, I found myself in a similar situation, only it was myself and two other women. In some ways, it was a ton of fun. Lot's of laughs, people to share the burdens with.
One person did indeed get "voted off the island". It wasn't me, and I felt horrible for the one who DID get voted off.
It ended in disaster, to be honest. They are inherintly unstable relationships, often with one person in power, emotionally blackmailing the others, and in my case, the "Alpha" (also not me) ended up taking huge advantage of the other two.
not.good.never.again.
I can only therorize that my life was a shambles at the time I got involved, and I wasn't thinking straight (little humor there for you!), and my self-esteem was in the garbage bin.
I am happy to report that that is no longer the case, and I ended the relationship several years ago.
About 3 years ago, DH and I met a guy who became our best friend. We shared so much in common and had such a good time together.
Things eventually turned sexual between the three of us and were that way for quite a long time. DH and I even discussed bringing him into our relationship.
When confronted with reality and logistics though, it would never have worked. Eventually things with him fell apart and we ended up parting ways with him.
I always tell people I lived gay polygamy and if polygamy were the rule in an afterlife, I would choose to share my husband with other men rather than other women. Been there, done that, and survived.
My ex's last two partners/boyfriends and I get along great--and we go places together. We call it BIG LOVE.
Of course, there isn't any hanky panky going on at least between me and the guys, but my kids think of them as father figures.
I would much rather live that than share my husband/boyfriend with other women ANY DAY.
He went by Philastus, and I don't know what he's doing today, but I think it ended when the third person was kept out of the US because of a visa issue. As near as I could tell, the relationship seemed to work out very well for them.