My wife and I left the Church about 10 years ago along with our three daughters, oldest was 7 at the time. We live in a nearly all mormon community.

At the time we were told all kinds of things about how our family would fall apart, that our kids wouldn't have the support they needed, that tragedies would occur, etc. We all know the drill.

Here's what's really happened:

We are closer as a family than we've ever been. Makes sense since we have a lot more free time to become closer.

My kids are doing great. They are doing well in school, have great friends and we all love each other. My wife and I love each other more than ever.

Business is going better than ever.

No tragedies, no real problems.


Now, I know that leaving the Church is not necessarily an indicator that life is suddenly going to go great. Bad things do occur but it has nothing to do with rejecting Mormonism. I know there are a lot of extended family members patiently waiting for the hammer to fall on us so they can come to our rescue and bring us back in to the Church, but that just 'aint gonna happen. I can't go a single day without realizing how grateful I am for putting the lies behind me over ten years ago.

Life is great.

having your mind held captive by a heinous religious cult like Mormonism.

And as far as the sucking goes, it's always interrupted with moments of absolute joy.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 11/27/2010 10:09AM by winecountrygirl.

By Mormon standards we are doing poorly, Oldest daughter is in Alaska with Army husband (he wasn’t a Mormon) they are 26 and haven't started a family yet, (to busy enjoying life and each other), middle child is happily dating a guy and not in a hurry to marry and son is focused on his education and having fun and dating without the pressure to hurry up and marry go on a mission.

But I think we are happier we are not chained and drained by the cult and cult teachings.

Members can crow all they want about how happy living the "God spell" they are and how blessed they are but they don't know the freedom from rigid cult membership we know.

Congrats on getting your kids through college and almost through. My convert daughter quit due to Mormons who thought it was better she marry this Mormon guy. I have no problem with him but he lied and said their marriage would not interfere with her education. BULLCRAP!!!

To the Mormon agenda of getting them married off ASAP, if your little girl wants to go to BYU or Ricks until she finds a husband, that's great, a semester or two will do her good. The whole idea of sending you girls to college to catch a husband was sooooo 50’s.

They acted like BYU or Ricks were the only schools in the whole USA, only date Mormon boys, and the idea that delivery of a virgin to the alter of a temple marriage was the only acceptable outcome.

I wanted more for my children, an education so they didn’t have to rely on a man to support them, a life with more choices other than get married, have children, go to Church and for a real fun time temple service!!!!!!

The Mormon Church has no one to blame for us leaving the Church, we don't want what they have.

I'm in full agreement with you.
Bad things can happen but that's life.

We too left as a family and have enjoyed the pleasures of each others company.

The ward members don't speak to us, but hey, we have friends who like us whether we belong to the church or not.

That is a great reason for joy. If your daughters are older now and you live in the heart of Mormonland how is it going with them and friends. Will Mormon kids be their friends or do they stick with the few nonmormons around?

(he's changed his moniker enough that I can't keep track, but the story sounds familiar ;-) . . .

My kids have a mix of mormon and non-mormon friends.

The oldest has mostly LDS friends. She has scaled back the time spent with extreme TBM friends along the way, because a couple of them consistently expressed that they were more righteous and had all the answers. Now she hangs out with LDS kids who are moderate (some non-believers), and who love her for who she is. I'm actually thrilled that she has learned at such a young age that she doesn't need to keep people in her life who don't respect her. I worried that she wouldn't date because we aren't LDS, but that fear was unfounded.

Middle child hangs out mostly with non-LDS friends. She has a lot of freinds, and ZERO tolerance for people who treat her badly, which I actually love because she was treated very badly at school and by supposed friends in the past. I'm glad she's so strong now. She feels liked and accepted at school now. I think people like her because she is so energetic, friendly, fun, says exactly what she thinks, and is extremely loyal to her friends (none of that two-face thing, or phony-ness so common in Jr. High).

3rd child has a mix of friends, ranging from non-LDS, cafeteria LDS, to ULTRA TBM. She has plenty of friends and is treated well at school.

I have to say that the PARENTS are usually more of a problem than the kids. Some of them are suspicious of us and our kids because we are ex-LDS. Most parents seem fine with it. It makes me feel bad when I find out somebody doesn't want their kids hanging out with our kids because of my husband and I, but what can we do? WE'RE not the problem.

I have hope for the next generation of Mormons. And I do think that when people in the neighborhood see our kids grow up and do just fine, it probably DOES mess with their sense of reality.

Thanks for the reply. Do you think there is a difference between how mormon parents treat non mormon parents who live near them and how exmormon parents are treated by them? I lived in Utah 4 an half yrs. and we were ignored and shunned. No one would speak to us. We left when my kids were 9 and 12- thank goodness, but it was hard for the older one expecially.

One parent wanted us to read the Church pamphlet "For the Strength of the Youth" before they would allow their daughter (my daughter's best friend), to come with us on a trip to visit my parent's in St. George. And this happened AFTER we had them over for dinner for a couple hours the night before. Unbelievable. We DIDN'T read it but told them we deliberately avoid all religious discussions with our kids friends. (Too bad we can't get the same level of respect in return!) They finally let the daughter go.

There is another set of parents that really ARE psycho and yet they don't want their daughter to be at our house! I've heard their dad out on the street in front of the neighbor's house just screaming "Get over here! Get over here!" He did this in rapid fire succession about 30 times before the kid finally came over. I felt bad for the kid. And their daughter, who is a good kid, gets grounded for literally ANYTHING. Her latest two-week grounding was for asking if she could have a sleepover at our house.

These are the ones I know about but I think most are ok with us. If they aren't then the problem is theirs. The fact is we ARE good parents and our kids are doing well.

that they might be more concerned by an exmo than by a nevermo, if they knew.

But here's the deal: We left so long ago that it ought to be old news in our neighborhood. And we only lived here a few months before we left so we didn't know enough people to shake them up by leaving. We don't feel shunned, but we aren't really an integral part of the neighborhood, either. Neighbors say hi and are friendly but it's mostly superficial.

I'm sure the new move-ins hear about us . . . those Mormons always know who's "inactive", etc. But we fit in. We look and act mostly like Mormons. No tattoos or anything truly dangerous like that and we only swear and blaspheme in private :-). Maybe they smell the coffee, though . . . .

My kids mostly don't actually hang out with kids in the "ward" area. And I have heard of someone that didn't want their kids hanging out with mine because they found out that I went to the exmo conference. It kind of hurt my feelings because I thought we were on good terms. (I don't keep my kids away from THEIRS because THEY went to General Conference and learned that people only leave to sin or because they were offended, or that they had to "crawl" around the B of M to leave). So there is some fear and prejudice.

We would never try to influence somebody else's kids to leave the church, because that just isn't right. But I think that is the fear. . . . that we'll be a faith-threatening influence.

I really think their insecurity and fear about exmos or nevermos betrays a lack of confidence in their own beliefs. If they REALLY believed they had the truth, and the Holy Ghost on their side, WHY are they so afraid of people who don't agree with them?

Wow. . . I rambled.

I'm sorry that you had such a bad Utah experience. My guess is that you were established in a ward for long enough that it was very disturbing to people when you left. We had been in our ward for only 4 months when we started backing out of activity, and we were in the nursery, so we really weren't missed. We just faded out of activity.

You have such a beautiful family, Socrates, and I always use you as an example to people who think it can't be done. I remember when those cute girls were so little and I had so much fun being able to get together with your wife and some of the other old-timer exmo women when I went out for exmo conf. in Oct. It was neat to hear how your girls have grown and all the things they are doing now. A couple of the other women had come out as a family and their kids have also blossomed, their families are closer and their relationships with their husband are enviable.

Although I was already divorced when I came out, my children are so much better for it. I especially love that both my daughters finished college, even after they had children because they know the importance of a woman having her education after watching me have to go back to college in my 40s because I dopped out in my 20s to play Molly Mormon. They have impressive careers and are also good mothers.

And as you, I know some of my family is just waiting for us to fail so they can point to our cult apostasy as the reason. Yes, I'll struggle in my retirement years. But not because I left the church, but because I was in it in the first place. I won't struggle as hard as I would have, though, if I'd stayed in as a second-class divorced woman.

Its great to hear your kids are doing so well! And how cool is it that they won't have to deal with all the baggage, guilt and manipulation the Church would lay on them? I am constantly amazed at how much self-confidence and courage my kids are showing. At their age I was utterly spineless and never stood up for myself or what I really believed. It wasn't until I left, at age 40, that I was able to start saying what I really thought.

Yes, as a family, we've had our few problems but nothing we weren't able to work through and we are now better for it. What a joy it is to have the whole universe ahead of us and all the lies behind.

Thanks again NormaRae!

I'm gratified but not surprised.