My husband has always been and always will be a Jack Mormon.

He expects Mormon "perfection" from his wife and children although he doesn't participate himself. (BTW, we all resigned from the church in 2006, except for him).

His mom was the PERFECT Mormon housewife in the 60's. And I do mean *perfect*. Obviously, I don't meet her standards.

Why is it that JackMos have an idealized vision for the people around them, but are completely unwilling to live the standards themselves?

I am not BIC, nor am I from the Morridor. Please, somebody, enlighten me to the psychology of those who exist in the twighligt zone of Mormonism. Why are Jack Mormons so hard on everyone around them but see nothing wrong with the way they conduct their own lives??

Thanks in advance. This is a very, very serious question for me right now.

;o)

Deep down he knows he's being a hypocrite. It's gotta be knawing at his conscience. He probably won't change until he starts looking at the church from the outside. The church is an arrogant religion - going to be gods creating planets with multiple wives and scores of children. Who can beat that?

Jack Mo's are worse than TBM's by far. They are living in the best worlds of both sides and will pay for that in the end.

They are hard on everyone because they get away with it. Be hard on him and call him on his double standards.

Tell him if he doesn't resign, you want him out of your life. It will be better for you in the end.

Tell him to get off the fucking fence!

I think you're spot-on

I think it comes from the fact that they are not living up to thier own standards, so to mitigate the guilt that they feel the raise the bar so high that NOBODY can meet thier standards. How is that for dime store psychology?

I'm afraid I don't have an answer for you Shannon, but strivingforbalance makes a good point. Something to ponder on, for sure.

I have a hard time understanding why anyone who knows the truth remains in the church. JackMos are a whole nother ball of wax.

TG

As a 'jack-mormon' for about 10 years I was exactly like your husband. I did not live the 'standards' of the church, but expected everyone else to. I was incredibly judgemental of mormons, exmormons, jackmormons, nonmormons...everyone.

In my case however, I still believed (with every fiber of my being :) that the COJCOLDS was true and that there was just something wrong with me. I was too warped, or sinful, or broken, or unrepentant or just plain bad to be able to live the gospel.

In high school and my early twenties I lived in a vicious cycle between activity in the church and visits to the bishop to repent which inevitably ended up with probation meaning I couldn't take the sacrament and everyone would know I was sinful but trying so hard anyway and always feeling rejected, believing everyone was judging me (as I judged them) when I wasn't worthy to give a prayer in young womens or relief society and then thinking why even bother, I'm worthless anyway - never be good enough - no RM is every going to want me, may as well go party it up, party party until I would hit what I thought was rock bottom, feel guilty, start paying attention in church again (I was never allowed to not go), praying, reading the BOM, pledge to be a great mormon, finally work up the courage to go see the bishop to repent, back to probation....Whew!

Maybe I heard the old crap about the church being perfect, not the people, one too many times. I warped it to mean that the church and everyone else in it were perfect - just not me. I saw perfectly well everything that was 'wrong' with me but felt unable to do anything about it. But all those other mormons - boy they should be able to do it right!

I was always so jealous of what I perceived to be the perfection of others that I held them to this ridiculous standard. You see, if the church was true - which I believed it was - and if they were claiming to be great mormons - which I thought they were - then by george they better do it right! Shop on Sunday? God forbid! Drink Coke? Terrible! Wear flip flops to church? Oh my heavens!

It wasn't until I realized that the church was bogus that I could stop expecting others to live up to it's unrealistic standards. And quit hating myself for my so-called 'sinfulness'.

I don't know where your husband stands on his thoughts about the church - but perhaps he's still harboring some belief in it.

Yeah I don't know. Jack Mos totally confuse me. The ones I know don't follow any of the rules at all but will tell you they KNOW the church is TRUE.

I don't get it.

that really doesn't exist anywhere.

I know someone who hasn't been to church in years, adult convert, but has this idea in his head that families are good in the church. Maybe b/c his family was awful in every imaginable way. He gets upset when I start bashing the church, even though he agrees with the factual things I site and has even had of few of the typical stupid experiences with his bishop.

I think its a bit of fantasy land.

Because he still believes that TSCC is what it claims to be. Therefore, it IS possible to live the demands and you should be able to. He believes that HE is the problem (too lazy, too weak, etc) not the impossible demands of TSCC.

He grew up in the Morridor in a Mormon Royalty family. Got called on a mission to Belgium. Panicked. Bopped his TBM girlfriend. Confessed to the Bishop. Got exed.

Voila! Problem solved.

How warped is that?

;o)

P.S. He was eventually re-baptized the first year we got married and later we went to the temple.

His mom was the PERFECT Mormon housewife in the 60's. And I do mean *perfect*. Obviously, I don't meet her standards.

Why is it that JackMos have an idealized vision for the people around them, but are completely unwilling to live the standards themselves?

-------------------------------------

If it's like my brother in law, it's because their Dad was also a slob who worked all day and expected their close-to-"perfect" mom to do everything else.

I dont' have any answers for you either--I've just experienced it myself here in Utah--even from a sibling. She has finally come over to giving herself permission to not believe now. I do believe jackmos are worse than TBMs, too.

My ex wasn't a jackmo, but he was cheating on me extensively while ex. sec., and I was always getting in trouble for drinking diet coke, cussing, not going to all my meetings. I was even told that I had lowered his ability to resist temptation. He is still angry at me that I didn't attend bishopric temple nights with him. I was worthy and refused to go, and he was unworthy, but lied to get his TR. Go figure . . .



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/12/2011 09:27PM by cl2.