I have been reading a lot on here tonight, (yaa...no work tomorrow!) From a lot of the posts I read it sounds like there are a lot of people that are still active Mormons that are totally non-believers but still go to church. I also got that there are some in some pretty high up callings. What keeps you going and holding your callings? How stressful is that and what do you think would happen if you all of the sudden stopped and told your loved ones around you that you don't believe and aren't going anymore? Folks that went through this experience share too.

When I went to BYU-I, I was either Relief Society teacher, 1st counselor, 2nd counselor..it rotated. They never gave me a break. When I did my research months after grad. and came to terms with my disbelief and decided it wasn't for me, I could only really sit through sacrament meeting in the back.(This was about 2 years ago) I found myself laughing and making fun of everyone, especially on fast Sunday. I told myself enough was enough and it wasn't healthy. It has been extremely hard since I told everyone this summer. There are a lot of people close to me that we have both avoided the conversation of me not going anymore. It is efficiently awkward eh??

Notinspite wrote: >>What keeps you going and holding your callings?<<



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/17/2011 01:42AM by Queen of Denial.

notinspite Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I have been reading a lot on here tonight,
> (yaa...no work tomorrow!) From a lot of the posts
> I read it sounds like there are a lot of people
> that are still active Mormons that are totally
> non-believers but still go to church. I also got
> that there are some in some pretty high up
> callings. What keeps you going and holding your
> callings? How stressful is that and what do you
> think would happen if you all of the sudden
> stopped and told your loved ones around you that
> you don't believe and aren't going anymore? Folks
> that went through this experience share too.
>
> When I went to BYU-I, I was either Relief Society
> teacher, 1st counselor, 2nd counselor..it rotated.
> They never gave me a break. When I did my
> research months after grad. and came to terms with
> my disbelief and decided it wasn't for me, I could
> only really sit through sacrament meeting in the
> back.(This was about 2 years ago) I found myself
> laughing and making fun of everyone, especially on
> fast Sunday. I told myself enough was enough and
> it wasn't healthy. It has been extremely hard
> since I told everyone this summer. There are a
> lot of people close to me that we have both
> avoided the conversation of me not going anymore.
> It is efficiently awkward eh??


I am currently EQP. I am still studying and struggling in my faith and my journey started in March of last year. I have been reading alot and learning alot from sources not on the church "approved" reading list. I don't know what I believe at this point. I keep doing what I am doing for the sake of my marriage and my kids and my extended family. Pretty much all uber-TBMs. it would crush the family for me to take a different path.

So, on I forge, spending as little time with my calling as possible in exchange for spending as much time with my wife and kids as possible.

My heart goes out to you american jesus. I wish you the best and hope you find peace on your journey.

I recently "outed" myself to my wife and Bishop so I am no longer pretending to believe. But while attending, and serving as EQ president, young men's counselor, and executive secretary was that I didn't want to lose my family.

How stressful was it? Imagine going to a job that you hate, not getting paid as everyone else is (not getting the positive holy ghost feedback), having to pay money to go, spending the entire time feeling like there is something wrong with you for not thinking this job is the greatest thing ever, and being asked to recruit new employees. It was very stressful.

My current situation is stressful as well, trying to hold my family together while my wife comes to terms with her new reality. But as I told her this weekend, even with that added stress, I feel healthier now that I am not denying who I am.