Of course it is a matter of pure conjecture but i feel that my mission completely side-tracked me away from an interest in a career path that i wish i had resumed upon my return.

Had i pursued my initial career interests uninterrupted at age 19-20 i would be doing something entirely different than i am now.

Or so it seems to me...

Go to Boston University with the scholarship they offered me. Instead, I did a mission and then BYU. But I did get a fantastic wife out of the deal, so no regrets!

could have used the discipline ans skills at that age rather than being treated like a freakin hero for going on a mission but in reality being babysat and micro managed for two years by a narcissist.

As much as it hurt me and was a mostly horrible experience, I would not have done anything differently for that 18-month period. (Yes, I did a mission during that brief variation.)

My mission was a chance to go to another country and use one of the languages I had learned. I learned that I was a person of value who had a lot to offer...even though I did have to learn that outside the context of an LDS mission.

But most important, while on my mission, I met the person who became my best friend. That was nearly 28 years ago, but we are still the best of friends. He's been through two marriages, and I've had my share of relationships, but we've always been there for one another, no matter what. My coming out as gay didn't phase him; best friends don't care about such things. My embracing a "non-traditional" religion (I'm a Druidic Pagan) didn't bother him; people who love you only want you to be happy with what you do in life.

This is the only thing that keeps me from directing any hatred toward the LDS church, no matter what else it did to me.

Finished school by age 22 rather than wasting two years on the mish, going to BYU and getting married not long after and having to work full time while in school and taking so much longer to finish my degree.

Anything - but university would probably be first on the list.

One of the two mission age YM in our ward got his "call" to El Salvador. I got weird looks near the clerk's office when I told him that people who believe that a mission "is the best 2 years of their life" must have terrible lives. What kind of crap is it to teach these guys that their lives peak at age 19-21?

I would like to have done the exact same thing, except for the preaching part. If I could have gone down and helped with economic development or something like that it would have been great.

But I don't find it helpful constructing "only-ifs" about my life. It *is* helpful to identify habits that have carried through and still affect me for good and bad, and change those that cause me trouble.

Addition:

I think the "only-ifs" are often a part of the grieving process--and grieving comes and goes, and accepting that process is good. My worry is hindsight is often harsh and can makes us judge ourselves unreasonably. It may be just me, but I've found comparing myself to an ideal past self I have constructed in hindsight is very discouraging. We knew what we knew and the context of our decisions was what it was. Hopefully, we learn.

The other thing about "only-ifs" is sometimes we get second chances to do what we wish we'd done and we still want to do it and it would still be good to do it. So, we can still give it a try. We also can find different opportunities in the present and future that are fulfilling.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/24/2011 12:35PM by robertb.