Onward Mormon Janitors - sung to Onward Christian Soldiers

Onward, Mormon janitors, marching as to war
with the broom of Jesus sweeping on before.
Christ, the toilet Master, filth again's the foe;
forward into bathrooms see his scrubbers go!

Refrain:

Onward, Mormon janitors, marching as to war
With the broom of Jesus sweeping on before.

At the sign of toilets Satan's host doth flee
well then, Mormon janitors, hide your secret envy.
Hell's foundations shiver at this cleaing craze;
Mormons, without choices, smile your drone-like daze.

(Refrain)

Like a tidy army moves the broom of God
Mormons, we are scrubbing where the saints have trod.
We are now disgusted, once one body we
Once in hope and doctrine, now in austerity.

(Refrain)

Germs and slime now perish, serfdoms now remain
because the church of Jesus never doth complain.
Stalls of smell can never gainst the Brethren prevail
Mr. Clean, with him we cannot fail.

(Refrain)

Onward clean, ye people, join our crappie throng,
blend like worker bees, act like nothing's wrong.
Scrub and rub til your knees and knuckles sting;
mops, scrubbers and brooms become our Mormon bling.
..........................

I placed this tune under the slamtoon of Monson: Every member a janitor. Also two new slamtoons added above that slammer:

http://www.salamandersociety.com/slamtoons/celestial/2011/

Hilarious! Good job, cricket.

I HATE housework and I'm faithfully paying a cleaning service to come in once a week to sparkle up my own house.

So why on earth would I clean the chapel?
I would not do it even if we were TBMs.

I really think that going on Youtube would make this a hit. I picture a group of Molly Mormons and missionaries singing while getting ready to scrub. Someone can be the chorister with rubber gloves and a plunger.

I love that! Another thing for the chorister to use is a toilet brush.

You know what would really suck? If you're a Domestic helper in Hong Kong, and you do this, and then your calling is..... cleaning the Temple of Hong Kong, ie fonts, laundry, upolstry cleaning, vacuming, drapes, washrooms. And you get to do the chaple too! for the privilige of donating 10% of your tithe, (AFTER the taxes you send back to your home, usually the Islands).

LOL

http://www.salamandersociety.com/slamtoons/celestial/2011/

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/03/2011 02:09AM by cricket.

http://www.reuters.com/article/2011/02/03/us-school-shooting-idUSTRE71195820110203

Breaking news:
Janitor shoots and kills school principal

Another ugly headline could be:

Disgruntled U.S. Postal janitor shoots Postmaster.

It appears that the postal janitor had words with his supervisor who also happened to be his LDS Stake President.

The janitor appears to have "snapped" after being "commanded to clean the local LDS Chapel" or be denied a temple recommend.

The suspect, Mr Dusty Hoover, stated the following while being booked into the local jail.

"Geez, enough is enough. I pay my tithing, I perform 100% home teaching, take the deacons around to collect fast offerings, serve as second counselor in the Elder's presidency and also am assistant scout master. I work 40-50 hours a day cleaning the post office and then the Bishop tells me I have to spend all day Saturday cleaning the church in order to sit for three or four hours in church meetings on Sunday."

"I share my frustration with my stake president and he threatens to take away my temple recommend for speaking ill of the Lord's anointed."

"Well, he ticked off the wrong person because my great grandfather was the famous Danite, Orin Porter Rockwell, so I just went postal and blasted him away with a special delivery by my Saturday night special."
.....................

Just to be clear this is spoof/parody. I do not endorse violence
between people who have disagreements.

BTW to Every member a janitor - I love your moniker!