So, I moved in with my girlfriend, and one of my mormon friends gave my number to the local ward mission leader. We got the knock on the door about a week ago, and I told the fellows at the door "not tonight". I did, however, say they could drop by next week.

They did.

So, it wasn't the missionaries, and it wasn't the bishopric. But it was still a pretty hard sell.

My girlfriend wants nothing to do with the church, and neither do I. I admit, though, I am far too gentle with mormon friends who want to bring me back. At first, my girlfriend was against them coming in the house at all. Once they were inside, however, she let fly with the questions.

At one point, she said, "I could never ask [Duder] this, so I'm going to ask you guys." That hurt a bit, but she's probably right. She asked about the church placing so much emphasis on families.

Well, my mormon ex-wife sure didn't think it was important to stay married to me, or let my kids live with me once I started drifting from the path of righteousness. It really stung to hear them talk about the family being the source of so much joy, and marriage is forever - so on and so forth.

Still, the fellows were nice enough. It was a trip to be on the other side of a typical visit I'd made so many times as a younger man.

It was amazing, however, just how practiced their answers sounded. I was reminded of how often, as a mo, I tried to say what was expected of me, instead of saying things I truly felt in my heart. I tried to believe what I was saying, but there was always so much doubt. No wonder I was taught to keep saying it all the time.

Near the end, I wanted so much to get either one of these guys alone and just say, "drop the charade, buddy. You can stop pretending. It will be okay."

I realized it took me years to come to that conclusion.

...instead of saying things I truly felt in my heart.” Yes, that's exactly what the church wants its members to do: to stifle what is in their hearts and do whatever the leaders tell them to do.

Sometimes as exmos we do not realize how much progress we have made until something like this happens. You saw with new eyes that young missionary's attempts to give the careful, expected answer.

I hope your girlfriend, in contrast, encourages you to be free to say and do as you feel in your heart!