(Be warned: The subject title could read 'Dear Diary/RFM board.' -I feel quite needy, writing so much on here, to you strangers, but it is very hard not being able to talk to many/any people about what I really think. -I shared/spilled a lot (too much) last week with a dear TBM friend in my ward. She handled the news of my concluding the church isn't true pretty well, I thought, but then yesterday it seemed she was avoiding me, and when we finally talked, she told me she has worried about me all week! Predictable result, but not what I wanted nonetheless.)

I still teach RS, and yesterday I gave the lesson on service.

The anemic manual offered: How to serve, Why Jesus wants us to serve, We get blessed when we serve, We have opportunities to serve. Like, who at church hasn't already figured that all out?!?

I wrote three questions on the board:
1) If the church suddenly disappeared, where would you spend the time and money that you now spend on callings, meetings and tithing? In other words, where is your PASSION?
2) Are you serving enough? How much is enough?
3) What is GRACE? When have you felt 'grace'?

I told the class that question #2 was actually a trick question because Mormon women ARE serving plenty enough! Mentioned serving *people* is what matters, not serving the church, which is a multi-billion dollar corporation that is doing just fine. Serving your family counts, and it's okay to say NO ...

For question #1, causes mentioned were abused women, schools, mentoring children, Salvation Army, Red Cross, the homeless,'my family' ... I asked if there is or could be "passion" in our "compassion"? I shared a story of a time when I was overzealous in a calling, because I was a bored homemaker, which probably caused a lot more work for the people serving with me than the program was worth. I asked, can our involvement in church callings narrow or limit how much good we actually do because of how much time they take or because we get wrapped up in serving the calling, not individuals?

For question #3, I shared my current soapbox issue, which is that I think we Mormons emphasize WORKS too much - because that is easier to see, count, do, etc. But I think that Christ's gospel is really all about GRACE - MERCY - ATONEMENT.

So, I talked about the moments of GRACE I have felt when someone has helped (served) me ... To me, grace is that 'I needed it so much, but I didn't quite deserve it or earn it, but it came just when I needed it, was given unbegrudgingly, and I don't have to pay it back!' I have felt this little bit of Christ on earth at times when I got a hug and understanding when I was overstressed, or when someone helped with a chore when I was overwhelmed with burdens ... Sometimes I've just gotten regular ol' help, and that's fine, too!

I think/hope many people were relieved to not get the usual work-your-way-to-heaven, if you are serving this much, you can/should serve more! guilt tripping. At least that was my goal.



Next month my lesson will be on tithing!

I need to be respectful of the fact that I am in a position of trust and my audience is TBM.

Still, I don't mind mentioning a few facts. If I can find them! To that end, I am trying to find a site that shows the church's financial statements in the UK where they have to make them public.

I've heard that referred to, but so far I haven't been able to see the actual source.

Here is a link, but I think it has been discussed in more than one thread:

http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,74690,74778

...but unless you are in a college ward, or live in one of the wards above the Provo Temple, you'd better be preparing to be released.

First, congratulations to you for you courage. It says a great deal that you are willing to go beyond the same old pap. Because I am an infrequent reader of this board, I don't know where you are. But I have two ideas for you.

If you have access to a mainline Christian denomination chruch in your town (Lutheran, Episcopal, ELCA Lutheran,etc), you could probably get a copy of their annual budget. Ususally copies are available on a table near the entrance mixed in with the other free literature. I just received the annual budget in the mail from a Lutheran Church I attend, but of which I am not a member. The budget is pretty standard stuff -- amounts listed for member giving, total income from all sources, salaries and benefits for staff, building and operating expenses, Missions of that individual congregation within the community (food pantry, etc), support for the national church body and mission of the wider church.

Actually, I just remembered this whole document is online. Go to www.lelc.org and scroll through (budget on p.13). You might find other ideas to share -- carefully and respectfully, I know.

Also, I highly recommend a book, "The Road Toward Wholeness: Biblical Meditations for the Recovery Journey," by Mary Tuomi Hammond. You will learn the church burnout is not exclusive to Mormonism. It is a useful book -- Mary and her husband co-pastor a community church in Ohio. Their ministry involves the homeless and others in great need as well as regular folks. The book is well regarded and used in many pastoral support classes.

Forgot to say, if you visit www.lelc.org, clink on the link for the Dialogue at the top of the page. That is the church newsletter that contains the budget.