Yeah, that was me. The one that you figured all along they were gonna leave eventually.
It wasn't even the fact that it's all bullshit anyway. It was the fact that, after 3 years of keeping quiet, I fessed up to being continually raped. So of course, nobody wants that sort of taint around their families. I was like a fucking plague to them. And at the age of 12, I couldn't figure out why. How confusing it all was. This recovery board has put a LOT of things into perspective for me.
A lot of 'why?' has been answered here, at the age of 27, that years of therapy and hospitalization never really could - especially cuz this was all in Utah with 'mormon' shrink heads.

So yeah, I never really could be a 'good little mormon girl' is it no surprise I left? not really...but it still fucks with my head, too.

No one should have to endure that kind of personal violence. Sometimes, the best therapy is being good to yourself.

I'm so sorry that you went through that, and glad that you're figuring some more things out know. I was not sexually abused, but I can relate. I was so sure that I was the damaged one...Now, as an adult, I often have little "aha" moments about how the church came into that.

Nobody should have to go through what you went through, it takes a lot of courage to press on with your life after surviving abuse and it sounds like you're going about it exactly the right way for you.