Background;
Dh is NOM and I just resigned. Our BP sent me a letter w/ lots of weird threats about 'losing my children' because I resigned. He also has said a lot of inappropriate things to my children and even said stuff about me over the pulpit. My dh takes the kids once or twice a month to church so unfortunately I can't completely tell this guy to F off! My dh is sick of his crap and supportive of me, but wants to keep things on a civil level. Any ideas?

Here's the letter I am working on...

Dear XXXXX (I am going to use his first name),

I want to thank you for your letter. I know you take your job as branch president seriously and I know you believe in the teachings and the doctrines of the LDS church.

Your letter made those things very apparent, however, it also made it apparent that we have a need to establish some boundaries in regards to our family and children. I know you don’t see it this way, but I felt your letter was veiled in threats in regards to ‘losing my children’. To me this is very cultish and disturbing (just think how you would feel if a good family friend that was a pastor at a local church would have made these comments to you). This is out of character for you, so I feel pretty confused about where these ‘lose your children’ scare tactics were coming from.

We want our children to be comfortable in the LDS church and the Christian church in Martin that we occasionally attend. So far we have felt very welcomed at both churches. But, if we feel our children are being damaged by the teachings or practices in either places, we will not hesitate to make the necessary changes.

One practice that DH and I both find troubling is ‘worthiness interviews’ for children. We have decided that one or both of us will be present when our kids are interviewed. This is not a critique of you. We will continue this practice regardless of who the interviewer is. We request that you inform us (before you ask our child) at least one week before you plan to conduct an interview so we can make plans to attend. If anyone other than you will be conducting any interviews, we trust that you will inform them of our policy.

We also request that our children not be told that their family is less than any other. To tell our children that ‘a dark cloud is hanging over our family’ (you told this to Sam during his 12 year old interview) or any other derogatory comment is undermining to us as parents and is damaging to our family unit.

We are doing what we believe God wants us to do just as you are. The only difference is we are taking different paths. We believe a mutual respect of each others’ beliefs is the only way to forge ahead in a positive manner.

We look forward to a continued positive experience with you and your family.


Sincerely ,

Tauna

It's a very polite letter. More polite than it should be. I would have the letter sent from my attorney on his letterhead on your behalf and cc'd to the SP. It means little legally, but may help the BP see his stupidity in a more lucid light. Good luck.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 03/29/2011 12:27PM by wine country girl.

...in leaving is that I was too civil with the Mormons. I think they take civility as a sign of weakness.

This is the letter I would now write:

To : President X, Branch Presidet of the xxxxbranch, xxxx stake,

Dear sir,

This CEASE AND DESIST ORDER is to inform you that your intimidating actions
against me, Tauna, and my family, have become intolerable. This letter
is to demand that your lies, harassment and intimidation tactics CEASE AND
DESIST immediately. Should you continue to pursue these activities in
violation of this CEASE AND DESIST ORDER, I will not hesitate to pursue further legal
action against you including, but not limited to, civil action and/or criminal
complaints.

Note that a copy of this letter and a record of its delivery will be stored.
Note too that it is admissible as evidence in a court of law and will be used
as such if need be in the future.

This CEASE AND DESIST ORDER demands that you immediately discontinue
and do not at any point in the future under any circumstances do any of the following to
Tauna: speak to, contact, pursue, harass, attack, strike, bump into,
brush up against, push, tap, grab, hold, threaten, telephone (via cellular or
landline), instant message, page, fax, email, follow, stalk, shadow,
disturb my peace, keep me under surveillance, gather and/or post information
about me or my family electronically, block my movements at home, work, social and family
gatherings, religious functions and/or any other reasonable day-to-day
activities, past, present or future.

Should you willfully choose to continue your current course of action, I will
not hesitate to file a complaint with the police department in your
jurisdiction for your ongoing violations of the Criminal Laws in effect in
(state you live in), and I will take appropriate steps in the appropriate
civil court(s) too.

This letter does not constitute an exhaustive statement of my
position nor is it a waiver of any of my rights and/or remedies in this and/or any other related
matter.

I demand your immediate attention and compliance in this matter.

Very truly yours,
Tauna

cc: Stake president
LDS Legal Department
Thomas S. Monson

im curious as to why if your husband is a nevermo and you have resigned that you would want to continue to let your children be a part of this very harmful cult?

However, I'm not sure what a new order mormon is though. ;-)

(I'm nevermo and haven't learned about that yet!)

opps,i looked in the glossary but didnt find anything. not sure just what a new order mormon belives myself

… if he is indeed “sick of [the bishop's] crap and supportive of [you]?

In the eyes of the bishop, YOU are the apostate while your husband is still a faithful member and priesthood holder. Therefore, to the bishop, what you say does not count; it is only what your husband says that counts.

Therefore, it is *DH’s job* to force the bishop to treat you and speak of you respectfully! No letter merely from you will make any difference, Tauna. Nor would a letter from you even be necessary if DH insisted upon the respect from the bishop and from the church for his beloved wife and mother of his children, that you deserve!

It is perfectly possible to insist forcefully and yet civilly. Is DH willing to talk to the bishop, set clear boundaries where you are concerned, insist on them, and follow through? Would DH be fully committed to doing this, or would he back down if the bishop began to argue with him?

As a next step I would let the sucker know that you will sue him for slander if he continues with his comments.

If he conducts an interview in private with one of your children, you might should get a restraining order.

This man won't stop until you bring out the Big Guns.

This is corrupt authority - unrighteous dominion typical on some level of almost all organizations.

We all know this saying: Power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

He is way out of line, and needs his feet kept to the fire until he changes his behavior.

Making nice won't change his behavior. You need big legal threats that he knows you will carry out.

You took the high road by being polite. I would mention that he is not to discuss your family (in any way) over the pulpit.

I agree.

Also, I believe it's usually the bishop who does interviews, so you may want to mention him by name as someone the SP needs to inform of your policy on kids interviews.

...if the missionaries or anybody else from TSCC set foot on our property again. That was 18 months ago (when our family resigned) and haven't been bothered at all since. Sometimes you have to bring out the big guns and be prepared to use them.

I really like Shiner's version. I agree that you get no points whatsoever for civility or politeness. Mormon leaders take their "authority" way too seriously.

In my experience, what works best is saying things like Shiner writes while SMILING and being cordial.

So here is another cut at the cheese.



Dear XXXXX,

I want to thank you for your letter. I know you take your job as branch president seriously and I know you believe in the teachings and the doctrines of the LDS church.

Your letter made those things very apparent, however, in your understandable zeal you are way over the line in your behavior and conduct as regards our family and we are demanding that it cease immediately.

You have apparently forgotten that Tauna made it very clear in her resignation notification that we expected you, as an agent for TSCC, to maintain strict confidentiality concerning her status, and we expected you to refrain from ANY defamatory or derogatory statements concerning her, or the XXXX family.

It is clear that you have violated this requirement several times at least when you did XXXX, and then again when you said YYYYY, and then a third time when you did ZZZZ.

At this point we consider this situation to be a very serious breach of your ethical and moral duty and additional reaction on our part is still under consideration, but our immediate requirements from you are:

1. You will immediately cease any further unauthorized disclosures concerning our family to any person. This includes so-called ecclesiastical meetings such as PEC.

2. You will immediately retract any disparaging statements you have made impugning our choices, character, parenting, values or morals to any person you have wrongly made these to, including our own children.

3. You will cease any further disparaging comments, innuendo or suggestions, whether spoken or implied, about us our our family, to any person.

4. You will cease any interviews or private counseling or interactions with any of our minor children. Any such interview must be scheduled with us in advance and we will attend each and every such meeting. You will see to it that other leaders observe our instructions.

5. You will not infer or imply to our minor children that God is displeased or is unhappy with us or our family in any way, nor will you imply or claim that you have the ability to know what God wishes or thinks with respect to us or our family.

6. You will at a minimum conduct yourself in your office, and see to it that other officers and auxiliary heads under your charge, conform their behavior in accordance with the 11th Article of Faith. We are making choices within our family in accordance with what we believe God wants us to do just as you are. We demand your mutual respect.

We wish above all to forge ahead with our respective journeys through life in search of truth and happiness in a positive manner. We have no animosity or agenda with any person in the church and hope you will allow us to worship in peace as we choose to do.

We look forward to a mutually respectful understanding wherein we can continue an otherwise positive experience with you and your family.


Sincerely ,

Tauna & Mr. Tauna

cc: COB Legal Department
Stake President
Your Attorney
State Attorney General

It is polite but is demanding. This is a circumstance in which you should be very demanding.

Not: "stop hitting me please"
Yes: "stop hitting me or else!"

Good luck.

I "request" you to do something puts the power in the other person's hands to acceed to the request or deny it.

I "expect" you to comply makes it perfectly clear that this is not something they have a choice about.

Otherwise I think it's a pretty good letter.

Rebeckah Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I "request" you to do something puts the power in
> the other person's hands to acceed to the request
> or deny it.
>
> I "expect" you to comply makes it perfectly clear
> that this is not something they have a choice
> about.
>
> Otherwise I think it's a pretty good letter.


I would change "I expect you" to "YOU WILL" - put this odorous piece of vermin in the submissive role. He don't like it? You put your foot down, preferably on his. HARD!

So I added this part;

I’m also disturbed by your recollection of this ‘dream’ that you said that that I told you about during our last meeting. Neither dh nor I have any recollection of me telling you about any such dream. In our minds, it simply didn’t happen. From my perspective, it seems that you are either making things up or distorting our conversation into something it wasn’t. This is out of character for you and I feel pretty concerned by these ‘you are losing your children’ scare tactics.

The letter is too long - he won't read beyond the first paragraph.

Just tell him his behavior is inappropriate and he has no jurisdiction over you.
If he does not stop slandering you, you will proceed to Plan B.

Let him imagine what Plan B is.

I think your letter is great, Remember the only control they have over you is what you give them, stay strong.

However, you are taking into account the sensibilities of NOM DH and that is commendable.

the thing that jumped out at me was "you are in danger of losing your children."

That's a big time no-no.

It's not just a veiled threat, it is an overt threat. And I would really consider showing it to law enforcement.

Bishy crossed the line on that one. What exactly is he threatening to do? Cause he is threatening you big time.

plan, and that you are also educating your kids so that they won't just blindly follow the guy into his office on command without you.

Why are you going to allow interviews at all? What's the point if the kids are only partly active?

The BP in the ward boundaries we are in dismissed my parental authority, I believe harassed me by signing me up for a BYU religion professor's Know Your Religion blog, refused to do anything to stop the boys from coming to our door every month, and the list goes on.

My husband had to send a letter requesting our daughter's name be removed because the BP wouldn't do anything I requested. Also, being nice and politely requesting the visits stop did nothing, the boys kept stopping by and when I asked the BP to make sure it stops he said he wouldn't do anything....until I threatened to share information about the Book of Abraham with the boys, and all of the sudden there were no more visits.

I agree with the others that have said BIG GUNS are necessary, in your case. Your BP has gone way out of line and most of the time an authoritative, controlling, arrogant and prideful BP needs to be pushed back in line. Being nice doesn't work with bullies.