I have severed ties with the church. Recently.

All of my friends and family know and some have tried to "reason" with me.

The other day my childhood neighbor and past bishop/stake president cornered me at a "party" and with tears in his eyes, and shaking hands, and with all the room watching and trying to hear what was said, ask me which sin I was committing that was clouding my judgement.

My beef is this:

no matter what you say the logical reasons are you that you don't agree that joseph smith translated a stack of gold sheets by looking into a hat at a glowing rock;

no matter what you say the logical reasons are God and Jesus didn't float above his head in the forest;

no matter what you say the logical reasons are about why the book of mormon couldn't have contained words and phrases that didn't exist until after Lehi floated the atlantic;

you are still a masturbating, porn watching, wife cheating, child neglecting loser because you don't see it their way.

The real difficulty is close family members, parents, in laws, brothers sisters do it.

The reason? They cannot discuss logic, because the minute they do, the are admitting that facts matter.

If facts matter they lose and they know it deep down.

So they must pin your non belief on a perceived human failures.

If you choose to maintain these relationships, you are maintaining relationships with people who think the worst of you in order to protect their own fragile thought process.

So I grew some real balls with the childhood neighbor and asked him if he knew people that looked at porn that were faithful members?

No response.

"which sin I was committing that was clouding my judgement."..

Independent thought?

"It has nothing to do with sin.
I have JW friends who think I'm going to be toasted at Armageddon.
I've had Baptists and Born-Againers tell me I'm going to Hell for "being" a mormon.
As an American, I'm "the great Satan."
I find you to be just another one of them.
... But thanks for sharing your opinion, which, by the way, is a dime a dozen. Now go away."

honestly maintain good relationships with family and friends who are thinking these things about you and not saying them to your face.

if they are all thinking these things to justify their delusion, are these things serious enough to warrant indignation on my part?

If I had real conviction would I/Should I withdraw from all those relationships as a result?

It is easy to do when you don't care about the person.

But your own parents, siblings close friends who are tbm?

You said "honestly." I don't see it happening. There has to be some type of tolerance, concession, or compromise (facade?) going on if those relationships are to be kept.

I don't go out of my way to alienate mormons; but I do reply to those who are in-my-face about it.

Fortunately, my family seems to okay with it, and we "live and let live,' even though there's that undercurrent of "they think I'm evil and going to hell," and I think they are deluded.

The local leaders avoid me, though I'm still good friends with a few members because we can avoid touchy areas.

Oh... and about people "thinking" I've sinned? I have no control over that, and worrying about it accomplishes nothing. In that case, I would certainly ask myself "why am I hanging around these people."

is that I have recently realized "family" is really secondary to
belief in seerstones and angels with flaming swords.

It feels like a kick to the stomach when it sinks in.

I'm very disappointed also that the "meme" has replaced DNA in our culture. That is to say, an idea, no matter how far-fetched, is more important than family and children.

Luckily, my wife and I grew up in a long line of proud jack Mormons so it's easier for our families to come to terms with it. Very few are crazy TBM, and those are mostly my step-siblings, and they are crazy in many ways.

We can't control what other people think about us. We can only control ourselves and how we react to them--and that's often difficult when we just want to shake sense and logic into them.

I think jpt's "live and let live" is probably the best outcome we can hope for in continuing relationships with beloved TBM family members and friends.

I'm sorry you are hurting, but you have lots of people here who've been where you are and will support you as you redefine your life as an ex-mo.

I agree with Sorcha, "live and let live" and I will add to treat others the way you wish to be treated. Even if the others don't reciprocate.

You have to keep reminding yourself that these relatives and friends are completely brainwashed and currently don't have control over their own thoughts and beliefs.

Best wishes to you and stay strong!!!!