I believe my eyes have finally been shown the truth of our church. It took me a long time to admit this to myself. My husband grew up LDS and I was a convert. We have five children and as I type this I am suppose to be planning my sons baptism (he just turned 8).

There are so many reasons why I believe that as a member I was being brainwashed, and I was told not to question anything. My best friend is relief society president and she is great at shutting me down on any questions I have and telling me satan is working on me. Now I keep them to myself.

I am scared in many ways to leave, because it is all I know. I feel like they are family, but yet I don't want my children raised in this church. The guilt trips, lies, and everything else is just too much. My husband is supportive as he has always had his doubts about the church. At this point I am starting to think there is no "true" church. ALL churches are run my humans who are sinners so therefore how can one church be perfect? I want to find a family friendly church that I can raise my children in, with no guilt trips, no high expectations, and just to let my children grow in their faith and learn to love and serve one another. I hope someone can posts their thoughts and maybe give me some words of wisdom (lol).

If I ever intend to join another church it would be Unitarian. Here's a link to their website. http://www.uua.org/

Since attending church seems important to you and your family, the Unitarians seem to be an inclusive and friendly congregation.

Hi Christianmother,

It was for people like yourself that this site was created. We have all been where you are at right now. For many of us it was traumatic to discover we had been victims of a cruel hoax. Your feeling of being scared is normal.

It takes awhile to build a new life outside of Mormonism. Do not feel that you have to do it all at once. Take it at your own pace. Gain confidence in the knowledge of the fraud you have uncovered and your fear will lessen then fade away to where one day you will wonder, "why did I ever believe this crap?"

I am sure you will get many supportive posts. Be sure to read the short topics section of this site to read the experiences of others similar to yours or simply go back in time on this board.

Right now I am leaving to play with a small jazz group at a local university - something I never had time to do as a Mormon. Life is so much better out of Mormonism. You have much to look forward to.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2011 10:44AM by Eric K.

Due to being a convert, do you have a good support system within your own extended family?

Thanks for the comments so far. And no we really dont have a support system/family around. Our families are in different states or deceased. It doesn't help that his family are all active mormons.

Iam looking forward to getting out of the church, it is just so much to wrap my mind around. Very scary! All my friends are LDS and I don't think this will end good. I look forward to reading more stories on here though.

BTW hope Iam making sense I worked last night and am sooo tired so excuse any typos!

Doesn't it tell you something about the church when you are terrified of losing your friends because you no longer believe the same things? That screams cult!

christianmother, glad to hear that you're not taking everything they say at face value. My wife and I were both converts and, after taking a few weeks off, and then returning to the church our eyes were completely opened to what they really are - a bunch of controlling, money hungry, guilt tripping, centralist group. We joined it because we thought it was "family friendly" and we discovered it was anything but!

Our doubts were raised when, instead of looking externally or pulling from the Biblical history for support, the church teachers pulled from themselves or their "prophets" for insight, Our final straw was when the Bishop was teaching a Sunday School class and started talking about the "Rods of Jacob" in the OT referred to the Bible and the BOM. I raised my hand and said it referred to the different warring tribes of Isreal at the time and the reunification under the building of the Temple - but NO, it was "secret knowledge" given to the OT prophets about the LDS Inc and they could prove it with "talks and sermons by the First Presidency" followed by a "see me in my office afterwards if you want to discuss this further".

Once we left, we started looking at other churches too and trying to find something we might want to join, but we eventually decided to focus all the time the Mormon church wanted spent with it on our children. Sunday is family time in our house where we work on projects and go on trips.

It's not going to be easy leaving the church and they're always going to have people trying to guilt you back into returning. You're going to be asked if you were "offended" by anyone - which is code for your pride getting in the way. We still have some friends that are in the church and there's still an occasional "We really miss having you around" to which we tell them "come on over anytime, but leave your BOM at home".

Since you're here and you're reading these posts, you're going to get your mind blown with all the different nonsense Joe Smith pulled from to make his "religion". I think you're absolutely right about all churches being created by man and no church is perfect. My wife and I after reading the entomology of "god" and the evolution of world religions have pretty much decided we're atheists. I can thank LDS Inc for opening up my eyes to the fallacies in all of the organized religions.

No need to rush. Take your time and take it a step at a time.

Good luck and know you're not alone.

It's a scary thing for sure, but not as scary as living a lie. Be true to yourself and you will discover strength and peace you never knew you had! The children issue is tricky...I'm dealing with that myself.

Hello-

I feel your pain. It is ok! I also believe there is no "true" church, or if there were, it would encapsulate Christ's love completely, for all, and nothing else. That means love, acceptance, and joy- not shoddy shams that claim to be.

As is, lots of people try, and there are a lot of churches out there that allow for growth.

BTW, those comments about Satan working on you are not true. In most strict religions, anything that does not agree with the religion is labeled "of Satan" or "heretical" because it questions the religion. Your doubts are from your very wise soul as it comes to the realization that your religion is not what it claims to be.

So, look at it objectively. Do you feel loved, whole, and beautiful at your church? Do you feel light and happy?

How do you feel there? If you don't feel good, then why waste your time? Why waste your children's time

Would he bolt if you told him outright that you no longer believe? That will influence whether you go slowly with him in terms of raising issues and doubts, or whether you just go ahead and have a frank discussion with him right now.

I want to assure you that there are lots of great, family-oriented mainstream Christian congregations out there. How about every other week, you skip church (or duck out after SM, leaving your husband in charge of the kids) and go to another church's service? Try the Lutherans, the Methodists, the Unitarians, the Episcopalians, and so on. Try the independent churches as well (just avoid the really fundie ones.) Think of it as gaining an education. Look for a church that has good youth programs. I think that if you fully investigate other church communities, your fear will be resolved. They won't stalk you for a commitment, either. You can take all the time you want to make a decision.

I shouldve added my husband has been inactive for quite some time. He is happy my eyes are finally opened. My goal for now is to let this all soak in and pick myself up and enjoy our new life. Maybe I will find a new church, maybe not. Someone posted how they use their Sunday to spend time as a family together, that doesnt sound like a bad idea! Iam so glad I found this site!

Just stop going to church, then.

My brother and his wife successfully raised their family without being churchgoers. My SIL sent her children to a mainstream-Christian bible camp each summer while they were young. And they would go to community Christmas eve services. But that was it.

But they always had family dinners together and they spent lots of time with their kids.

There is life after mormonism. Most of the people on this site have the bumps and scars to prove it. You ever glad to shed clothes that are restrictive and dirty and smell? Then get into a shower and feel refreshed and clean,,like a new start. Sort of like that. The truth and freedom wears better. Take it one step at a time. Sometimes not easy,,but worth it. Good luck,,keep us posted.

And you are right on the mark; churches are run by humans and therefore all have flaws and are imperfect; only Christ was perfect.

But I must tell you that where there is sin, there will be guilt. Sin exists; this is a basic tenet of Christianity. When you sin against God you will have guilt (unless you are completely hardened to the chastenings of God's spirit). I rather think you are referring to the UNECESSARY weight of legalism and manmade rules that put a heavy weight on people; a burden too hard to bear. Mormonism does this and humans in general tend to do this as well. If you seek 'religion' you will end up on an endless treadmill of manmade rules that you will not be able to keep. If you seek Christ, you will find grace and love and a desire for things that please him and not things that please the world.

Frankly, this board is rife with atheists and unbelievers in general who hate Christians in general.

out

Hey outofutah, stop lying. The athiest on the board don't hate Christians. Stop projecting onto them, your disdain for them.

Atheists hate Christians? That's rich! Sounds to me like someone has a hate complex (which was the fuel that drove the LDS church for a long long time, and only recently has abated).

I guarantee you most atheists don't hate Christians. Pity, mabye. Have strong moral objections - quite likely.

"Atheists hate Christians"

Somehow I find that statement quite ironically funny. :)

outofutah said, in part:

<<Frankly, this board is rife with atheists...>>

Gee!! You say that like it's a bad thing! LOL!!

<<... and unbelievers in general who hate Christians in general.>>

Now you sound like a paranoid, persecution-ridden Mormon. Maybe it's time to go back? I don't hate Christians. Not by a longshot. But I do hate it when Christians try to subvert the science classrooms of public schools to teach ancient myths, try to legislate their beliefs on the rest of us, try to interfere with a woman's right to choose, etc.

You can do this many ways.. Your DH is inactive, just quietly join him and "fade into the background" ..Stop going to relief Society ,and pick and choose which social events you wish to go to or attend with your children.

The other way is to just write a letter of resignation and stop going by cutting it off cold turkey. Just re-examine all what you like, and all what you are not prepared to put up with.. Expect to lose all your LDS friends and perhaps some family. If you are okay with this shunning then go ahead with the second possibility.

However if you just "go inactive" there will be less pressure and confrontation. Just say that you "need a vacation from church"

JB

I'm sorry you don't have much nonMormon support. I'm not Mormon but think of departing from the church as weed control. Although I can sympathize with the difficulty of leaving, you will weed out all the people who claim to love and respect you, for you, not your religious beliefs. Left will be those that will be by your side through thick and thin and that's what life is really about.

By the way, we are not all atheists on this board and the majority of atheists here are respectful of people that still choose to believe in a higher power. You came to the right place!

As a Christian, the "Satan is tempting you to ask questions" thing is my pet peeve! There is absolutely nothing wrong with asking questions! Remember, Christ is the Light (see John 1 and John 3:18-20), and so there can't be anything wrong with exposing doctrines, beliefs, etc. to see if they can withstand the light of Christ.

If a doctrine, belief, or faith in general is true, there should be no reason to keep secrets (or in the case of the temple, keep "sacreds, not secrets") or to refrain from asking questions. Normal, intelligent people ask questions when they don't understand something. Only mindless zombie drones just keep walking without curiosity. Mormonism seems to have more than its share of mindless zombie drones, unfortunately including your RS Pres friend. Congratulations for not being one of them!

"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use." -Galileo Galilei

God gave you a brain - yet your friend thinks that using it is somehow bad or satanic?

If you're trying to choose a new church, I would suggest that you ask yourself if doctrine matters, and if so, what things are non-negotiables. That should narrow the list down some. I would suggest finding a church that is more open than the Mormon church, a faith that is more tolerant of questions and seeking and all those wonderful things you are doing with the mind God gave you.

You've arrived at an important conclusion: there IS no "true" church in the sense the Mormons use the word. Now, isn't that freeing? I hear God is into that whole freedom thing!

Welcome to the board, and I wish you freedom, joy, and peace on your journey out of Mormonism!

I knew I couldn't raise my kids in TSCC.
I found that frightening. Sometimes I tried to believe.

But luckily I was inactive and the kids didn't get too indoctrinated.

They are happy productive adults with families now.
They don't need a church.

DH and I resigned after many years of inactivity.
Kids were never brainwashed nor baptized. Grand kids are not brain washed.

It has not been an easy journey because many family members are TBM.

DH and I kept love and respect in our home so we are good examples of exmormons. ;)

K

I found it really hard to live a lie, but it appears it's going to be very difficult for you to just "disappear" from church if all of your friends and family are TBM. They won't "let" you just fade into inactivity.

Personally, I had to write a very blunt letter to the bishop stating my disbelief and my expectations of being LEFT ALONE regarding religion. I would not tolerate ANY visits of any kind to try to re-activate me. Social interaction was perfectly fine and even welcomed, but NOT religious interaction. I had to make that perfectly clear and I kept copies of the letter in case I had to take legal action or get restraining orders.

The problem you'll possibly face is that SOME TBMs are so brainwashed that they MIGHT be willing to sacrifice your friendship and even legal action in order to "save" you. They might be willing to sacrifice your trust, pressure you, criticize you, even publicly humiliate you in order to try to get you reactivated.

Another group of TBMs MIGHT do just the opposite. They might totally shun you. They will not allow their kids to play with yours. Since you and your family have gone to the "evil" side, they will avoid you at all costs. I've know several people who left the church that lost their BEST FRIENDS overnight because of their rejecting the LDS faith. Just like turning off a switch, all of the many years of close friendships went immediately out the window. Just very weird. I would be prepared for both scenarios.

But even facing the extremes that might happen, it's still FAR BETTER than trying to live a lie. THAT will drive you insane. If I were you, I would make the decision to leave, write very clear letters with your expectations and send them to your bishop and others you feel need it, and then just do it.

Depending on your level of brainwashing, you may feel uncertain, guilty, maybe even sick for a while. But you will also likely feel a huge relief like a heavy weight lifted off your shoulders. Over time, as you get over the brainwashing aspect, you will feel so relieved and sure of yourself.

The other thing that I discovered is that it doesn't take involvement in a "church" or "religion" in order to be someone who is kind, compassionate, loving, honest, and overall a VERY good honorable person. In fact, some of the most kind people I know are not religiously involved at all. Just a thought.

Are you in Utah? There are a lot of us here if you ever need someone to talk to in person. I know it helped me to meet other people who felt the same way I did and let me know that it wasn't just me. In fact, it was a RELIEF to know it wasn't just me.

Oh, how I wish I could get my kids out! They are all grown an married and completely brainwashed. You are lucky if you can get your whole family out!

However, once you just start making your own decisions about your time you'll probably find that you are having more fun and enjoying life and the fear turns to excitement.

A lot of other posters who like going to church still, will recommend that you "shop around" for the church that will be right for you. That's good advice. There's no reason to upheave your whole life all at once and feel like you HAVE to do anything.

You'll find this board to be full of diversity too, and that can be fun most of the time.

Stick around and play when you feel like it, cry when you need to, and rage dump when necessary.

Also, most of the big bad atheists and Christ Punchers on this board are not all that scary. They just believe different things or don't believe in certain things.

So don't be scared of the diversity of thought on this board. I like to just think that everyone who doesn't worship ME is wrong and should be pitied.

And that thought always brightens my day.

please don't accept what outofutah said:

"Frankly, this board is rife with atheists and unbelievers in general who hate Christians in general."

Atheist and unbelievers do NOT hate Christians. They (we) have a different point of view and will say so. But like any loosely defined group, there are those who lack boundaries and respect for others. This is just as true of Christians, Mormons, bassoon players and fashionistas as it is of atheist.

If you find comfort in Christ, prayer, the concept of forgiveness, accept the comfort. If you are ok not being a "believer", that's fine too. It's your life. No one else should dictate how you should feel or what you should do.

Have to agree with Twinker here. Yes, there are some "haters" from all walks of life, but some of the most kind, compassionate, and caring people I know -- who would do anything to help others -- are atheists. That might sound odd since many religious folk often refer to atheists as "bad" people. But I know for a fact that atheists can be very moral, upstanding people with very high values and ideals. So, I hate it when I read some stereotypical comments about them.

If you are inclined toward belief in God and religion, then I would certainly look around, talk to people, read information on the internet, etc, and find a good church to attend.

All my friends and support systems were Mormon too, with a handful of non-LDS acquaintances and high school friends I hadn't seen in years. When I quit going to church, the bishop actively tried to make me look bad because I had questions about the history and doctrine of the church and he didn't want me taken seriously. He didn't want my questioning spirit to hurt the testimonies of others. When I saw how many of my "friends" believed the bishop's lies about me, I realized how shallow many of my Mormon friends were.

On the other hand, my few non-LDS friends really stepped up to the plate. They all relaxed around me, knowing I wouldn't try to convert them. I never did try - I'm not sure what they were worried about, but we all became better friends. They listened to me talk, helped me find a good brand of coffee, taught me what friends are when they like you for who you are - not friends who only like you as far as you are translated correctly. They were all happy I'd escaped.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that you will make a new, non-LDS support system and it will be a million times better than your Mormon one. There will be Mormons who will stand by you but you'll find non-Mormon friends who are great and like you for who you are and won't expect you to jump through certain hoops. It's scary to go out and recreate your life and your support system but the new one will be tons better. I promise.

Just stop going. I know that it easier said than done. All of our situations are different. I left while my husband (TBM) and children still attended. However, the church will do whatever it can to retain you even have your children be part of the manipulation process. The manipulation is very real. Might I suggest googling covert aggressive behavior. I had been playing nicely until a leader came into my home and used my children against their own mother in a lesson. I had to put my foot down and now my children are not stepping foot into the church again. It is better to stop the manipulation as soon as you can especially if your husband supports you. My husband still believes although I think he is beginning to see.

As far as another church, just research it out. I find this forum very helpful in seeing many different perspectives. It has increased my knowledge and helped me understand others point's of view. It is very much a process. Since I am a newbie to this situation, it is very much a roller coaster ride. I would be very blunt and set your boundaries. Changing a belief system is no easy task. I hope it all works out for you!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/09/2011 01:00PM by tiptoes.

I remember when it hit me that the LDS church was not what I thought it was. I had been spoon fed the religion from birth. I built my life depending on the church and religion to guide my life and supply hope, comfort, and everything I would need to have a happy successful life. My kids were about the age of yours when it hit me that I couldn't believe the Mormon claims.

I have to admit I was a coward because we went ahead and baptized the kids so that the grandmas who thankfully didn't live close wouldn't freak out. Then we just stopped going.

At first I worried about what we would do about finding another church. I went and investigated other churches- at first a variety of generic Christian ones. I automatically figured I believed in the Bible and Jesus even if the Mormon church was a bastardized offshoot of it all. But once I questioned, they didn't have real answers either. There are no answers out there to the big questions.

The best advice I got was from here, from people like Eric K above. I slowed down and didn't jump into anything. Instead I took some time to really come to terms with the paradigm shift I was facing. What was really true and how would I know? What did I really believe and why?

Instead of going to church, my husband and I concentrated on enjoying our family and making strong bonds with our children. We set examples ourselves instead of taking them to church for examples of what we felt was important. Sunday became our family time for nature, fun, study, listening and doing things together.

Spend some time studying and filling the void with your family and hobbies instead of rushing into some other church. There is no hurry and there are no rules about what you have to do.

If you need another church for social reasons, or for whatever emotional needs you have, you will find it. Make that church fit you instead of you having to fit that church.

Or you may not miss church at all. You might read books like Age of Reason by Thomas Paine and Demon Haunted World by Carl Sagan and decide you simply don't need mythology at all. Maybe you like ritual and will make up your own. Or maybe you need structure and ritual and will like religion to help you express awe of the universe. Or maybe enjoying nature will fill that need.

There is no shortage of people who want you to join them at their church- wherever you go and whatever religion they are. Don't feel obligated to believe like anyone else because an atheist or even a priest or pope doesn't really have any more information about a god than you. Do you want to go with facts, feelings, or disprovable claims? It will be your prerogative to find your own place in the world, define your own purpose and set your own goals.

For now, concentrate of finding out who you are without Mormonism and someone else telling you what is true and what you should believe. Concentrate on being the best person you can be for your family. I'll bet they will love you even more in return because they will get more of your attention. You will depend on each other and become closer when you are doing fun things together.

Also, spend a lot of time for yourself. Cut yourself some slack. Take 10 years to read everything you can to be informed about why people believe and what exactly you want out of life.

Now my children are grown and I am proud of what great people they are. There is no more angst about the things I cannot know. I am in control of my life. I'm free. It's a wonderful quest. Enjoy.

Finding a new (non-LDS) circle of friends will help with your transition out tremendously. To be honest, I think that's a big part of the difficulty of Mormons being able to leave the fold. Its all that they have. Their lives were sucked into the the community so you need to dump it and get a new one.

Having new non-LDS friends are a great support system. You'll soon forget about Mormon World and will be able to look back, shake your head, and be SOOOOOOO glad you are out. Its a new, wonderful, free world out there! Good luck on your journey out!

Since you and your husband are on the same page it should be fairly simple to just drop out.

FIrst go inactive, no explanations are necessary.
You don't owe Mormons your kids, your time or your money.

Since you are working, the last thing you need is to have a demanding church on your back.

The RS prez is not your friend, drop her.

I've heard good things about the Unitarian Universalists, try them.
They may not dress as fancy as the Mormons but they will respect your humanity more.

Or try any other mainstream churches.
A church should enhance your life, not make a slave out of you.

I thought I was safe from the possibility of shunning because I was the only LDS person in my family. My family was wonderful. They were supportive when I joined the Church, and even more supportive when I left it. Probably relieved as well.

It did happen to me that I lost my best friends overnight. No one could have prepared me for that one. I was so shocked. I thought I was safe because these are friendships of 30 and 40 years duration.

One did come back. There's always an elephant in the room with us, but so far we're managing to make it work and concentrate on the other things we have in common.

The good thing in your situation is that you and your husband have each other, and your kids. I think that would make it a lot easier. It's probably going to be his family which will be the most difficult to deal with.

Living a free and genuine life is so worth it though.

Asking questions is a healthy thing to do. It's an important part of finding knowledge.

She's in the wrong for shooting you down.

Keep asking the hard questions, it's your right as a rational human being.

From one "Christian Mother" to another:

Hi
I, as soooo many others like yourself went trough the same fears and emotions. I seemed to've been in the LDS church forever, it semed, but also found my way out and thank God! With all of my family.

I also thought for sometime "If the (LDS) is not 'true', which church is than?"

I didn't wanted to give up on God, but afraid to join another church and be disappointed again. "After all", I thought, "my eternal life' is at stake".

Well, I read the Bible for myself, not praying for the burning in the bossom or 'wittness'.

I, like yourself realised that no 'church' is perfect.
And I read this:

"If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us." (1 John 1:1-10 Kjv)

I realised noone will ever be perfect and I don't have joing a particular church or denomination. I gave my life to the Lord, thus I belong to THE church, as e is the head of the church. When I mess up... well, I ask Him to forgive me and apologize if I wronged someone.
No bishop or priest needs to know anything. It's between me and God and the one I wronged.

I do go to a church for the fellowship, but not because it's the wrong or the right one. It's where "I" feel comfortable! Had they ever said "WE are the ONLY TRUE church on earth, I'd be out of there in a NY-minute.

I support the place or other charities as I wish and can, not because I won't go to heaven if I won't. That's what Paul said.

The 10% tithes were OT law and ment to support the tribe of Levi and their families, as they were to work at the temple and do no other work. Since it was considered 'work for the Lord", one gave the tithes to the Lord.

Well, no more Temple! Ministries, pastors and charities
need funds o operate, but if and what you give is between you and the Lord. I just mentioned this as it's a big eal in the mormon church and as we were told could keep us out of the CK.

Well, this is MY story and I speak only for myself. Others have different path's.
There are wonderful places you can join and make new friends and there are many people here who will help and support you.

It's very scary to get out into the 'real world', just as so many college grads will feel next month. I came from another country and I was scared.

I'm just fine! We're crated to be survivors! And it feels SO good to realise "Hey! I'm NOT perfect and God knows it" :)
Blessings and welcome!
Good wishes wit your journey and welcome!

Thanks to everyone...The past few days have been a whirlwind. My husband is very supportive. I feel sick to my stomach from all the lies I have been fed. I haven't yet told my TBM friends because I know they will shun me. I feel they are on to me though. Maybe the Holy Ghost ratted on me. Just yesterday the missionaries and Primary President called me. Of course I didn't answer but the Primary Pres. NEVER calls me. We aren't even friends.

I called my good ole friend, relief society president and told her I read some church history on Joseph Smith. I told her I got a bad feeling from it. I told her I read he married women whose husbands were still alive, he married a 14 yr old (or 2) and all the other evidence against him I came across. She told me Satan is working on me. She said I haven't attended church lately, so Iam moving further away from the flame therefore my testimony is growing colder. She said JS was only human and made mistakes. I asked why didn't HF pick an honest man for a prophet instead of a con-man/criminal? She said JS was pre-ordained a prophet and was human therefore he sinned.

Iam angry about all the guilt, lies, and manipulation I experienced. We have FIVE children, Iam 28 years old, and my husband is working full time day shift. I work full time MIDNIGHT shift. They had me in the nursery ALONE with 4-6 kids 2nd and 3rd hr. I dreaded Sundays. Days I didn't attend because I just got off work and was too tired, they would gang up on me and tell me how I was going to lose my blessings and I was letting Satan control me..No-I was letting a CULT control me! At this point Iam doubting Christianity and I don't think I trust the Bible anymore. I have alot of stuff to figure out, and it's going to be a long journey. This Sunday instead of feeling guilty about not attending church, I am going to spend the day with my children, then after they go to sleep DH and I are going to watch a movie and (GASP!) have a few cold ones ;)

BTW my posts wont be by Christianmother anymore since I don't consider myself Christian at this point. I will be Trisha :)

Well then, welcome to the board Trisha.

It sounds like there's a LOT going on all at once!

All of this will take time to sort out. Cheryl was very right when she said(up above somewhere) to take your time.

My husband and I are in the process of leaving at the same time, and even then, we're having some dramatic changes in our relationship. I'm 26, with two small children...he works two awful jobs to keep us afloat at the moment, and because I didn't finish my education before having kids, I can't contribute more then minimum wage. Our relationship has undergone major upheaval as well...particularly when, after 7 years of marriage...my husband admitted that he was bi-curious. There's a lot of anger and confusion with those things...especially when you think back and wonder how it would have been different.

That's ok. That's normal. It's normal to experience grief, eventually, too...as though someone had died. The person who you were as a Mormon is dying and being reborn.

Try to make new friends that share your interests, and like you for you, not what religion you practice. Keep your ears open on here for other ex-mormons in your area. Pick up a hobby--something that you always wanted to do, but never had time. Take your kids on Sundays, and go out and spend time in nature.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/12/2011 03:04PM by vasalissasdoll.

I've told my husband I'm so fed up with TSCC and want to leave, and he pays lip service that I can do that and the church isn't the basis for our marriage, but I can't believe that. What about down the road? Will he reject me eventually and divorce me?