Recovery Board
: RfM
Recovery from Mormonism (RfM) discussion forum.
10) Word of Wisdom was unique (i.e. not a contemporary idea in 1833).
9) Sacred Underwear has magic powers.
8) 19 year olds have good sales skills and are well-equipped to answer the many issues with Mormonism that are available to the majority of adults in developed countries.
7) Jaredite barges.
6) Obedient members become gods with their own worlds, own Jesus's, own Mary's, etc.
5) Reformed Egyptian existed as a language leaving no archaeological traces.
4) Old White dudes in SLC receive direction from a Deity.
3) The Book of Abraham is what it claims to be and is NOT derived from as portions of ordinary Egyptian funerary documents
2) An ancient civilization existed in the Western Hemisphere consisting of Lamanites and Nephites...in a limited geographical area...that hasn't been found.
1) A young treasure hunter with a history of being a con man was chosen by a deity to dig up ancient golden plates, translate them by use of some carnival sunglasses and magic rocks, beg for the money to publish it, and then deliver said plates to an angel that took the plates back to Disneyland.
Feel free to add your own additions....Happy Easter!
9) Sacred Underwear has magic powers.
8) 19 year olds have good sales skills and are well-equipped to answer the many issues with Mormonism that are available to the majority of adults in developed countries.
7) Jaredite barges.
6) Obedient members become gods with their own worlds, own Jesus's, own Mary's, etc.
5) Reformed Egyptian existed as a language leaving no archaeological traces.
4) Old White dudes in SLC receive direction from a Deity.
3) The Book of Abraham is what it claims to be and is NOT derived from as portions of ordinary Egyptian funerary documents
2) An ancient civilization existed in the Western Hemisphere consisting of Lamanites and Nephites...in a limited geographical area...that hasn't been found.
1) A young treasure hunter with a history of being a con man was chosen by a deity to dig up ancient golden plates, translate them by use of some carnival sunglasses and magic rocks, beg for the money to publish it, and then deliver said plates to an angel that took the plates back to Disneyland.
Feel free to add your own additions....Happy Easter!
Note that Mormons haven't much to say about Easter. That is, if you don't count plastic eggs.
11. Jesus Christ once crucified for all mans sins needs a
Real-Estate arm of his church
12. Founder marrying 14 year old girls was Okee-dokee
Real-Estate arm of his church
12. Founder marrying 14 year old girls was Okee-dokee
A nevermo here....can you explain the Jaredite barges? Your list is quite good.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jaredites
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df6Eefv2tdc&feature=related
just google "Jaredites" or "jaredite barges"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=df6Eefv2tdc&feature=related
just google "Jaredites" or "jaredite barges"
15. When you get to the pearly gates, even though god is all-seeing and all-knowing and has perfect records of every time you touched you naughty bits, he will still require a series of secret handshakes, just to be sure.
16. You should follow a bunch of asinine rules that make your life miserable here on earth, even though you could really just wait for some Mo to post-death baptize you and get in to heaven afterward anyway.
17. Adam is god. But he isn't. Brigham Young is a mouthpiece for god. Except when he says insane contradictory things, in which case you're to look away and pray for a testimony.
18. The temperature of your caffeine will effect your entry into heaven.
16. You should follow a bunch of asinine rules that make your life miserable here on earth, even though you could really just wait for some Mo to post-death baptize you and get in to heaven afterward anyway.
17. Adam is god. But he isn't. Brigham Young is a mouthpiece for god. Except when he says insane contradictory things, in which case you're to look away and pray for a testimony.
18. The temperature of your caffeine will effect your entry into heaven.
Damn you--put a warning next time. Now I have to clean up the monitor from spewing my drink all over!
Was the drink you spilled caffeinated? If so, what temperature are you drinking it at, charlatan???
I'll add:
- secret handshakes to get into heaven.
- Literal belief in the impossible OT myths.
- The mopologists claiming that Nephites rode Tapirs.
- "translating" the golden plates into obsolete language
- The need to put a spell on food in order to eat it
- The complete lack of understanding for the differences between knowledge and faith.
Mormons are indeed a "peculiar people".
- secret handshakes to get into heaven.
- Literal belief in the impossible OT myths.
- The mopologists claiming that Nephites rode Tapirs.
- "translating" the golden plates into obsolete language
- The need to put a spell on food in order to eat it
- The complete lack of understanding for the differences between knowledge and faith.
Mormons are indeed a "peculiar people".
Wait wait, a spell on food? Please elaborate.
"Dear HF, please bless this food we are about to recieve, that it may be nutritious and tasty. Inthenameofjesuschristamen" That last sentence is what makes it a spell, because they expect HF to oblige just because they ended the prayer with the right words.
Oh, okay. So it's just a slightly different take on saying grace then? I heard spell and thought, well, SPELL. Sorry, I have tons and tons of Pagan friends and I was really hoping to see someone smudging sage over the dinner table while dancing around it widdershins or something. Although I guess they do their fair share of spoken only spells...
when you don't do well. If you do fine, it's because of the church.
Don't forget:
They also claim:
1) That blacks are the descendants of Cain
2) That plural marriage is the higher law and practiced in the highest level of heaven (sorry ladies!)
3) That reparative therapy works.
4) That watching a 2 hour long 80's video and making funny signs with your hands qualifies you for entering into heaven...and 10% of your income qualifies you for the video (of course).
My husband and I were sitting out in the sun today watching our kids play out in the yard, and I asked him, how happy are you that you're not in a suit and tie listening to someone talk about the atonement and then tie it to a guilt trip about missionary work and church service...for 3 hours! HAPPY EASTER!
They also claim:
1) That blacks are the descendants of Cain
2) That plural marriage is the higher law and practiced in the highest level of heaven (sorry ladies!)
3) That reparative therapy works.
4) That watching a 2 hour long 80's video and making funny signs with your hands qualifies you for entering into heaven...and 10% of your income qualifies you for the video (of course).
My husband and I were sitting out in the sun today watching our kids play out in the yard, and I asked him, how happy are you that you're not in a suit and tie listening to someone talk about the atonement and then tie it to a guilt trip about missionary work and church service...for 3 hours! HAPPY EASTER!
25(?): the Kinderhook Plates were a separate & distinct verification of the presence of Nephites/Lamanites in America... translated by the Gift & Power of...
o wait...
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/24/2011 03:32PM by guynoirprivateeye.
o wait...
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/24/2011 03:32PM by guynoirprivateeye.