I thought VTs visiting women and HTs taught families and males. My single (divorced) daughter in Lehi does not answer the doorbell if she doesn't know the person at the door. She hasn't had an contact with LDS church for several years but they are being more aggressive lately. HT approaced her as she was sweeping her garage and asked when it would be convenient to visit. She made excuses and the conversation ended. She doesn't want two male strangers in her house. As her father I want to know the "official" LDS position of men visiting single women. Anybody know? She's very sensitive to hurting others feelings. I'm not so much, especially when it comes to being a protective father. My counsel would be for name removal but it is her call.

Not totally certain on that position but when the missionaries were coming by and i was investigating in order to come in because of me living alone, they'd have to have another male to chaperone so they could come inside. If not, they'd either talk on front porch or back patio with myself.

What I remember is that they send the high priests rather than the elders to single women. I guess they think they are more mature and better able to handle any temptations. They would definitely have to go in a pair.

I'm not single but my husband is military and is deployed and we were assigned a HP which also happens to be the Stake Prez and his creepy teen son. I don't like any grown man that isn't family in my home, HP or not...especially around my kids.

High priests are assigned to single female households.

Everybody in the ward is assigned HTs unless they have specificaly requested no visits. Females over 18 are also assigned VTs.

I have a retired couple who come see me. Always have had a 'couple' for HT since the divorce and moving to this area.

Dangerous single head of household mother

In Pleasant Grove, Utah, where I moved in the 70's, the bishop apologized to me that they could not find a member whose wife would allow him to visit me.

LOL

Anagrammy

Walking in Darkness Wrote:
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> She doesn't want two male strangers in her house.

Very sensible. Encourage her to maintain this point of view. IMO she could have told the visiting males as much.

In the Carbondale Ward IL the HP's visit the single women and are specifically instructed to visit them first so they can have priesthood authority in their homes at least once each month.

I used to Home Teach with my dad.

It was great, we just went and chatted with people. Some were single women families, some part member, some inactive.

My dad was such a popular chap, nobody minded him visiting them. Sometimes we would help to arrange decorating and such like.

They are not to be alone with a single female period. They are not to ride in the car with a single female. How naive I was in the 80's to have a home teacher alone in my apartment. God, I was so trusting or a fool...Anything could have happened and it would be his word against mine. Everyone knows the Morg has a long history in which it covers up rape/abuse. You don't know how crazy or what kind of background these men have. Remember, accept a "calling" and it is free reign of these mighty priesthood holders to do as they choose...

First of all, thumbs up for DD’s never answering the door unless she is expecting someone.

Secondly, if DD does NOT want home teachers:
“Thank you for offering. I do not seek to have home teachers at this time. If I change my mind, I will let you know.”

If DD DOES want home teachers:
"I am interested in having home teachers, but I need for them to be a married couple rather than two men; and they must telephone to arrange all appointments in advance.”

And last--thank you, Walking in Darkness, for being a caring and protective father! :-)

WiserWomanNow Wrote:
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> First of all, thumbs up for DD’s never answering
> the door unless she is expecting someone.
>
> Secondly, if DD does NOT want home teachers:
> “Thank you for offering. I do not seek to have
> home teachers at this time. If I change my mind,
> I will let you know.”
>
> If DD DOES want home teachers:
> "I am interested in having home teachers, but I
> need for them to be a married couple rather than
> two men; and they must telephone to arrange all
> appointments in advance.”
>
> And last--thank you, Walking in Darkness, for
> being a caring and protective father! :-)


+1 WiserWomanNow. I especially echo your last sentence. Good job, Walking in Darkness!

As others have stated all people are supposed to have home teachers. Even teenagers who are the only member of their family should have home teachers who visit with them, with appropriate permission from the parents.

The missionaries are subject to stricter rules than members so they are instructed never to be alone with a member of the opposite sex.

Part of the need to have two people in companionship when visiting a single sister is precisely to limit the potential for abuse and false testimony. When I was preparing for a mission, and also in the MTC we were told many stories about a missionary who made the mistake of being alone and would get into trouble as it would come down to He said vs she said. It was also another reason why mission presidents often would tell missionaries to limit their physical contact with children too.

As an example my mission prep teacher related the following story from when he was a mission president. While helping to prepare for a church party and bringing stuff in from another room a young elder was alone with a teenage girl who later accused the young man of sexually touching her. The mission president believed that the girl was lying, but it couldn't be proven. The missionary was almost sent home because of it, but a compromise was made that had him serve in far off cities instead.

//High priests are assigned to single female households.//

Not true. When my wife moved into my ward we were engaged at the time, and church leadership didn't know we were engaged when they assigned her hometeachers. They assigned a single man who was an elder, close in age to her (mid-30s). As soon as the bishop found out she and I were engaged, her hometeacher was replaced with the first counselor in the bishopric.

I found the whole thing a little funny - divorced woman with five children moves into a ward and is immediately assigned a divorced man with children as her hometeacher.

My DH used to HT a single sister. EQP requested that I go with him during the visits. Um no. I told EQP to switch her to someone else.

I'm single. I have assigned HT, various ones over the years.

They are allowed to visit if they are together. I think considering how restrictive they are about being alone with single women they wouldn't let them visit but they do. Really I'm safer with 2 men than I am with one?
Every single woman I know has some assigned. Seldom see them, which is fine. Most of the ones that I know are either too busy or just lazy. The lazy ones will say hi to you in the hallway and report they done their HT for the month.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/25/2011 09:57PM by nomilk.

He had four kids all about 9 months apart. He always claimed his companion couldn't come so he brought his rambunctious brood to run roughshod in my 700 sq. ft studio apartment.

All I remember about his visits were the "please don't touch that" mantra I would repeat.

Awesome.

I just remembered his wife always sent a plate of cookies and I fed them to the kids to try and busy them with something other than emptying out the Tampax box.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/25/2011 11:41PM by WickedTwin.

How would she hurt feelings if she said she doesn't want home teachers? She doesn't even KNOW the guys in the first place, and it's not like they are going to feel personally rejected. They are just doing what they are told. So she can say "no thanks".

Judging from my past experience as a spineless people pleaser, I would guess that she probably doesn't want to be PERCIEVED as rude. What she needs to understand is that it serves NO ONE to dance around the issue or waste her and their time. A clear "no" serves EVERYONE involved much better.

(BTW, I let our home teacher come for probably at least a year after we left, even though I didn't like the visits at all. Sometimes we do stupid things to please others . . . and honestly I think I was just afraid to say "no").

Towards the end of my dying marriage, I had several internet affairs and ended up confessing and going through the whole Bishop's court confessional (lovely experience for another post).

Anyway, fast forward a year and I'm finally free from the bastard husband and am a single mom. Who is my new home teacher? The former 2nd counselor who is a younger guy about my age. I never knew who his partner was because he never brought anyone with him. Anyway, here is this guy who knows ALL of my dirty little secrets, and I get to visit with him every month.

This is where it gets weird. He always came alone...and stayed FOREVER!! My kids would stay as long as they could handle it, probaby the first hour...then quietly slink away out of sheer boredom. So it was just me and him, alone in my living room visiting for hours. He always gave me this direct eye contact, too. Pretty sure he was waiting for me to jump his bones considering I am such a nasty whore and all. And I really couldn't get rid of the guy, he just wouldn't take any hints.

The whole experience just left me feeling violated, and then guilty for feeling that way. Pretty much like Mormonism itself.