http://www.lavenderliberal.com/cgi-bin/base8v2/dirs.cgi?lv=1&ct=Dead_Donors

They should add a "protect marriage" ceremony to their liturgy of temple rituals. It could go like this.

LORD: What is wanted?

WORKER: Adam, having been true and heterosexual in all things, desires to take an oath to protect marriage, by covenanting with the Lord, through the Veil [for and in behalf of _____, who is dead].

LORD: Present him at the Veil, and his request shall be granted.

(The Lord gives the First Token of the Anti-gay Priesthood through the opening in the Veil.)

LORD: What is that?

PATRON: The First Token of the Anti-gay Priesthood.

LORD: Has it a name?

PATRON: It has.

LORD: Will you give it to me?

PATRON: I will, through the Veil. (The patron gives the Name "Macho").

(The Lord gives the Second Token of the Anti-gay Priesthood.)

LORD: What is that?

PATRON: The Second Token of the Anti-gay Priesthood.

LORD: Has it a name?

PATRON: It has.

LORD: Will you give it to me?

PATRON: I will, through the Veil (The patron gives the first given name of the person for whom the temple work is being done).

(The Lord gives the First Token of the Malecheezeydick Priesthood.)

LORD: What is that?

PATRON: The First Token of the Malecheezeydick Priesthood, or Sign of the Nail.

LORD: Has it a name?

PATRON: It has.

LORD: Will you give it to me?

PATRON: I will, through the Veil--the Phallus.

(The Lord gives the Second Token of the Malecheezeydick Priesthood.)

LORD: What is that?

PATRON: The Second Token of the Malecheezeydick Priesthood, the Bollocks Grip, or Sperm sign of the Nail.

LORD: Has it a name?

PATRON: It has.

LORD: Will you give it to me?

PATRON: I cannot. I have not yet received it. For this purpose I have come to converse with the Lord through the Veil.

LORD: You shall receive it upon the Five Points of Discrimination through the Veil.

(The Lord and the patron, still holding the grip, embrace upon the Five points of Discrimination by placing their left arms through the marks of the compass and square, which are cut through the Veil. The patron's left arm goes through the mark of the compass, and the Lord's left arm goes through the mark of the square.)

LORD: This is the name of the Token--"Heteros in the Navy, marriage for the boners, hetero sex in the loins and in the marriage vows, power in the Priesthood be upon me, and upon my abilities to father posterity through all generations of time, and throughout all eternity."

LORD: What is that?

PATRON: The Second Token of the Malecheezeydick Priesthood, the Bollocks Grip, or Sperm sign of the Nail.

LORD: Has it an name?

PATRON: It has.

LORD: Will you give it to me?

PATRON: I will, upon the Five Points of Discrimination through the Veil.- Heteros in the Navy, marriage for the boners, hetero sex in the loins and in the marriage vows, power in the Priesthood be upon me, and upon my abilities to father posterity through all generations of time, and throughout all eternity.

LORD: That is correct.

(The Lord and patron break the ceremonial embrace, and the temple worker gives three head flips of his mullet.)

LORD: What is wanted?

WORKER: Adam, having conversed with the Lord through the Veil, desires now to enter his presence.

LORD: Let him enter.

(The Veil is now parted and the Lord takes the patron by the right hand, and pulls him gently through the Veil into the Celestial Room.)

Well, that was creepy as hell, but I laughed out loud at Malecheezeydick.