I pissed off my DD today. Why? I didn't show up to her son's baptism. I never planned to. Then I forgot to tell her I wasn't planning to...it really just wasn't on my radar. I had other things to do today that were important. She sent me an angry text message demanding to know where I was this morning.

When I go to their house, it is filled...FILLED with mormon crap art and sayings. I can hardly stand to be there.

When mormonism defines every move you make in life, it shuts out everything else...I'm glad I am no longer a part of it.

Just because you're a nice lady.

But why go? Ugh. I can really relate. For many, too many, of my family Mormonism really does define their entire existence. I can take a few hours with my in-laws before the Mormonism starts to chafe. After that I have to take a break or I start to get the shakes.

The saddest thing is they only invite you to these events as re-activation ambushes. It's so transparent it's hard to keep from laughing out loud. Is there anything in the standard Mormon baptism event that isn't dreadfully dull? Lame music, stupid little talks delivered in that Primary President voice, maybe a luncheon afterward if you're lucky. What in any of that is supposed to pull you back under the spell?! And your daughter is pissed because you didn't suffer through it?

Stunted.

Hi, Gemini. I might have missed an update, but what's happening with your mother and her assisted living? Is there any change in your sister's plans to leave.

From Lorraine who used to be síóg

My uncle, mom's brother, got my sister to agree to take her for 2 months before they leave so I can have some respite. They got the remodel finished, so my mother should have a little time to enjoy what she paid for. My sister also needs the time with her mother because it may be the last time she is with her in this lifetime. While she is there, I plan to put the responsibility of finding a suitable living arrangement going forward squarely on my sister's shoulders. She is the one who broke her commitment to me and to her own mother, so she needs to take some ownership of that. Of course, she will try to push it back onto me.

Friday is moving day. I will be out of state visiting my son, his wife and my new grandson. So, they are in charge (even though I am the one who has packed up her whole apartment and tried to explain to my mother what is happening and why. It is very difficult.)

thanks for asking.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/01/2011 01:22PM by gemini.

You're sister's behaviour really got under my skin for some reason. It's been hard on you, and she's being unfair to both you and your mother. I'm glad you've got some interim arrangement for respite.

It just seems as though your sister is using her cult membership to avoid dealing with something. She gets the brownie points for being a missionary, she gets to go somewhere different and not deal with real life by living in a bubble, and she avoids her family responsibility. Nice.

The generational, religious, traditional tribe defines your World View --it's all inclusive. It's like the Amish, or tribes in Africa, where that is all they know.
The notion of "In the world but not of the world" is a core element of the World View.
Their expectations are based on the long standing religious World View and their rituals and traditions.

There is a dilemma with former LDS folks --- how to stay part of the Mormon familial tribe and be respectful, and supportive and keep the relationships as an outsider.

I believe that is important, but others do not. Some allow their anger and hatred, resentment of of all things Mormon to destroy relationships.

My view is that the mother needs to apologize to the daughter for not letting her know that she would not be attending the baptism. The baptism is not about the mother or grandmother, it's about the child. It's the child, in my view, that needs the familial support and love. Which, of course, does not require absolute acceptance of the LDS Church. It's about the RIGHT to exercise parental choice for children, just as we did for ours.

A nice birthday gift for the child would be appropriate, in my view as a grandmother.

She has made her choices in life and so have you. You do not have to attend anything that makes you uncomfortable or that you don't support. She needs to wake up and realize that normal people don't live with or by demands made by anybody....including daughters. When you see your grandson you can give him something or say something that notes he recently had a special day (according to Mom) and you hope it made him happy. That way you are not supporting or or saying good things about it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/01/2011 04:27PM by honestone.

I did attend his birthday party this last week and got him just what he wanted. I also attended his school's grandparent's day a few weeks ago...one of just a handful of grandparents who showed up. I am in his life. Just not in a church way. My daughter knows this.

Now what she did is really idiotic. You have recently done many things for him. She has got to get off the "come to church" routine. Set those boundaries. No better time than now to start.

I think Mormonism is one of the easiest religions to spot in a person as it really does define their whole life.

Go to their house? You'll see at least one very austere room with paintings of Jesus, the temples, BoM in at least one language, family portraits, white-glove tested decor, etc.

Go to dinner with one? No tea, coke, pepsi, coffee, etc.

Ask one to hang out? No R-rated movies and they'll probably look it up on commonsensemedia.org first, no cussing, they'll probably talk about cowboys, horses, and the West a bunch, and you could never be out too late. Or plan anything on the spot.

Talk religions? You'll hear tons about them, possibly throat-cramming, but never expect to be asked about yours. If yours does come up? "Oh, well I think it's really nice... la dee da dee da" (while they're thinking it's false, inferior, etc) "Would you like to meet our stake missionaries? A copy of the BoM? I can't believe we played a Baptist song last Sunday, that's way too rowdy for church! Oh, I just can't wait for the next meeting..." *screw my brains out now* And they never really refer to Jesus using his name. Christ, the Son, stuff like that. But never Jesus unless saying "The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints." Anyone else notice that?

And lastly, and most painful for me? Tell a girl for a whole year you want to be with her for forever and hear the same thing back from her...but then one day suddenly, "I'm going to be sealed in the temple." And you're just out of the picture...