Having survived yet another Easter weekend surrounded by ill-informed americans who think Easter is about the resurrection of jesus, and after participating in the "Jesus was probably at least a historical figure" threads, I thought it appropriate to call out the x-ians who believe in a literal resurrection to answer this:

Where happened to all the zombies?

After all, according to the big book of multiple choice, (the bible), it wasn't just jesus of nazareth that came back to life, it was thousands of dead people who got up out of their graves and visited their friends and families in jerusalem.

So sure, mmmmmmaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyybbbbbeeeee one person coming back to life might not make front page news, but thousands of zombies walking around jerusalem talking about how great it is to be able to stretch their legs and maybe get a bite to eat after all these years feeding worms doesn't even merit a mention anywhere? Really?

Thousands of zombies is not exactly a singularity, folks.

Discuss...

There was this uncomfortable silence for a while after I asked the question. "Where did all of the people resurrected along with Jesus go?" I got the sensation that nobody in the room really believed the story, but that they were keeping their mouths shut so as not to rock the boats that they were in. I was expecting an answer like "They all ascended up to heaven, like Jesus did in Acts" or something.

Instead, the teacher blushed and said "I don't know." She giggled a little.

Someone else raised her hand and said, "Well, I assume that they all just died again." Another awkward silence. I finally said, softly, "I don't think so."

Oops!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52SVTHOyVWc

@ Matt:

oh man, i'm at work right now and i laughed out loud when i saw this... everybody must think i'm crazy...

chulotc Wrote:
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> @ Matt:
>
> oh man, i'm at work right now and i laughed out
> loud when i saw this... everybody must think i'm
> crazy...


And the kicker is, it wasn't even a real zombie! ;o))

Is this a mormon thing that EVERYONE was supposed to be resurrected when jesus was?

Quoth the Raven "Nevermo" Wrote:
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> Is this a mormon thing that EVERYONE was supposed
> to be resurrected when jesus was?

It's something in the NT that SOME people -not everyone- were resurrected when Jesus was. Not many. But some.

The Book of 3 Nephi has resurrected Jesus telling his disciple to write down that people in that hemisphere had been resurrected. So the LDS are pretty much committed to that belief... can't say that it was mistranslation or misinterpretation of NT.

There is one Gospel that says a bunch of people were resurrected when Christ was resurrected in the Old World. I'm too lazy to look it up, but it could be Matthew.

My patriarchal blessing says I will come forth in the dawn of the first resurrection. If the first resurrection started 2000 years ago, that's one long day!

Matthew 27:53

This is what is known as the first resurrection. It is still going on according to church theologians. Yes and Jesus rose from the grave and atoned for our sins. I believe it and FOR ME it is the truth. Unlike the myth of mormonism which can historically be shown to be a fraud, early christianity and the old testament can be accounted for and shown to be historical at least to some parts. To accurately account for something that took place 2000 years ago is much more difficult to do than something that took place 200 years ago. And as far as myths go, over 90 percent of all evolution took place over a 50 million year period. Considering biologically on a molecular level how that would have to take place (not the gross anatomical maps you see on your classroom wall), that would be a mathematical impossibility. And that's a quantifiable fact. So you stick to your wholly evolution and I'll stick to my holy jesus.

Troll harder...

i value his opinion and while i dont believe as he does it is his right to challenge a post without being called a troll!! thank you for your support!

bignevermo Wrote:
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> i value his opinion and while i dont believe as he
> does it is his right to challenge a post without
> being called a troll!! thank you for your support!


Thanks

drilldoc Wrote:
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> This is what is known as the first resurrection.

Problem with your explanation is that Matthew writes that the graves were opened at the moment Jesus DIED, not when He rose from the grave, so their resurrection preceded His.

And it may be evidence of a later edit to make it conform to doctrine of the day.

The sequence starts with Jesus dying:

50¶ Jesus, when he had cried again with a loud voice, yielded up the ghost.

Then there was a lot of trembling and rending:

51 And, behold, the veil of the temple was rent in twain from the top to the bottom; and the earth did quake, and the rocks rent;

Then the graves open:

52 And the graves were opened; and many bodies of the saints which slept arose,

That makes it sound like arising saints were part of the general trembling and rending at the moment of Jesus' death, right.? But then the next verse says:

53 And came out of the graves after his resurrection, and went into the holy city, and appeared unto many.

Hmmmmm, "after his resurrection." Is this some archaic use of pronouns where "his" actually refers to "the saints which slept," or is it talking about Jesus, who was supposedly resurrected after being in the tomb? If the later, then it's either confusing story telling or a story that was doctored to have Jesus resurrected first.

Arnie Sacknuesen (spelling) found em.

Ok, it is not mormon, but christian.

Here are the various translations.
http://bible.cc/matthew/27-53.htm

I guess the magic laser beam that reanimated jesus also hit the surrounding graves.

Where the corpses like they had just died, or all zombie like? Did they just drop dead and have to be put back in their tombs or did they go zap and disappear? How very upsetting to find mom, dead again, on the front step. Seems kind of rude to let bodies litter the town.

@ Drilldoc:

Policeman: Hey you! Yeah, you! Get over here!
Human: What's up?
Policeman: You're wearing a white shirt, that's what's up!
Human: So?
Policeman: Well, wearing white shirts is against "the law."
Human: Says who?
Policeman: Says the King.
Human: What king?
Policeman: Your king. Now you must be punished.
Human: I've never even heard of a king. What's the punishment?
Policeman: Death.
Human: Death?! I don't want to die!
Policeman: You don't have to. The king killed his son.
Human: What? He killed his son? How terrible. What does that have to do with anything?
Policeman: Well, the king knew you'd eventually wear a white shirt, but he chose to outlaw them anyway. So in order to forgive you, he killed his son.
Human: That's great! So I'm free to go?
Policeman: Not quite. First you have to say you believe me.
Human: I believe you.
Policeman: Now you're free to go...

Is this what you mean by "jesus rose from the grave and atoned for our sins?"

There are more holes in this story than swiss cheese. Your god jesus never actually died. He just took a 2-day vacation to a place he created, then came back, walked through a wall, ate some fish, and went to heaven.

Where exactly was the sacrifice again? Just curious...

I like the one on youtube better "Kissing Hank's Ass." But yesss, still believe as "His ways are not my ways" and sometimes things just don't make sense to me but of course I didn't create the universe.

Ok....

if you believe it, then you believe it.

i guess i'm wondering why you'd go along with it, though. even if it were true, you'd be supporting megalomaniacal tyranny.

might doesn't make right. just because this guy has magical powers doesn't mean he's worthy of worship.

i'm not attacking you. i'm just wondering how you can justify supporting this kind of behavior.

Ever seen 'Night of the Living Dead'?
Sheriff: "Well, that's no problem, if you got a gun shoot 'em in the head. That's the sure way to kill 'em. If you don't get yourself a club, beat 'em or burn 'em. They go up pretty easy."

So, the romans didn't have guns to put down the zombie rebellion, so they musta come in with some kick-ass clubs & torches. I think Mel Gibson cut that scene from 'The Passion of the Christ'.

The misunderstanding lies in the faulty doctrine of the 'rapture' wherein it is taught folks were resurrected. What was REALLY meant was that all those dead folks were raptored, leaving on evidence of their existence, not 'raptured'. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FAPABJd4xos

They're talking on cell phones while driving SUV's on I-15.

Many bodies of the saints arose, and appeared unto many? WTF does that even mean?

The Bible is completely obscure about a topic that screams for notice and community processing.

And this "arising" doesn't cause a huge disturbance among the townsfolk? And nobody thinks this is important enough to write anything down about it?

And yeah, they are resurrected, so they can't die. So where did they go?

Kinda like the alleged appearance of the resurrected Christ character to 500 people in a very large group just before he took off for heaven? And yet, none of these five hundred told anyone in town, or wrote something down about this amazing event?

How convenient...

thats my story and i am sticking to it!! :)

They were all hired for a Michael Jackson video.

I think most of the morgs membership is made up of zombies, which is great b/c there is no thinking required...

More zombie references from the bible:

American King James Version, Isaiah 26;19
Your dead men shall live, together with my dead body shall they arise. Awake and sing, you that dwell in dust: for your dew is as the dew of herbs, and the earth shall cast out the dead.

Zechariah 14:12
And the LORD will send a plague on all the nations that fought against Jerusalem. Their people will become like walking corpses, their flesh rotting away. Their eyes will rot in their sockets, and their tongues will rot in their mouths.

Revelation 11:8
Their bodies will lie in the street of the great city, which is figuratively called Sodom and Egypt, where also their Lord was crucified. Revelation 11:11 But after the three and a half days a breath of life from God entered them, and they stood on their feet, and terror struck those who saw them.


Christian explanation of Thessalonians 4: 16-18

The dead will rise first, so that the world will have all the dead and living at once. An instant later all will meet Christ in the air. For all to do so at the same time, the dead must rise first. That way nobody will get there first. It will all happen so quickly that it probably won’t even be noticeable. We will all be on earth, then we will all be before God’s judgement seat.



Classic: Lazarus

"Jesus said, Take ye away the stone. Martha, the sister of him that was dead, saith unto him, Lord, by this time he stinketh: for he hath been dead four days. Jesus saith unto her, Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God? Then they took away the stone from the place where the dead was laid. And Jesus lifted up his eyes, and said, Father, I thank thee that thou hast heard me. And I knew that thou hearest me always: but because of the people which stand by I said it, that they may believe that thou hast sent me. And when he thus had spoken, he cried with a loud voice, Lazarus, come forth. "And he that was dead came forth, bound hand and foot with graveclothes: and his face was bound about with a napkin. Jesus saith unto them, Loose him, and let him go.



Hot cross buns are a good idea.

Besides once you are resurected you have super powers that allow you to be invisible and hie to Kolob for family picnics.

I mean this and just about any miracle story in the bible demands that you ignore reality and believe in magic. You know there is no such thing as magic. You now know Santa isn't real, you now know the ester bunny isn't real. Penn and Teller can't really do magic. The earth revolves around the sun. The sun is a star. TV is electromagnetic energy. Gravity can be explained by using math. You don't have to have faith that you'll float into space.

Yet the bible requires you to believe in magic in order to follow the invisible god. No evidence is required. Since you choose to believe in magic, no reasonable answer can provide you with an answer you can believe in - because you choose to believe in magic over observational science.

Modern medicine is miraculous if one chooses to ignore the technological gains, the scientific gains, the years of study doctors and technicians sacrifice in order to provide us with the opportunity to keep death at the door for a few more years. Instead people say "God is great" or "it's a miracle". Yeah, it would be a miracle if you stayed at home, read a book on fairy tales and were cured from stage 4 colon cancer. Taking chemo a dozen times gives you a chance of beating cancer, or death, for a few more years.

The magic of zombies walking around comes from fear of death. Wow - wouldn't it be great if we could live forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever!

Really, doesn't that sound just a little a bit weird? I mean really? Forever? Would you really want too?

I'll admit it - once upon a time I too believed in these myths. I was raised with them and I convinced myself I agreed with my parents that they were true. Fortunately as an adult I have learned critical thinking. I learned to question those things that just didn't sound right. With study I could no longer rely on the stories I was taught as a child.