http://www.stanforddaily.com/2011/01/07/study-shows-social-networking-sites-can-lead-to-negative-self-image/

I told you so!

Facebook gave me flashbacks of the Mormon social-climbing and artificiality.

I'm not competitive. Plus, "Fakebook" is being overrun with Mormons. After lurking there a couple of weeks, I realized it was depressing me, so I quit. My children don't go there, either. We just e-mail our friends, and send photos and personal messages that way.

What are your experiences with Facebook?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2011 05:02AM by forestpal.

Thanks for sharing that find! I think the conclusion of the article is right on.

I think another way this idea manifests itself is at church. I remember thinking how silly it was going to church and always putting on your happy/perfect face. Seems like people often did that in Relief Society, in talks, Fast and Testimony meeting, etc. People coming in "Sunday best" also enhances this.

I know I had a version of Molly in my mind that was a combination of all of the best traits, assets, etc of the sisters of the ward combined-totally crazy but this faux person somehow managed to increase my unhappiness. Sounds like that could happen on Facebook too. Sometimes I hide the comments of those people who seem to do a lot of bragging or people who get on my nerves some other way.

I remember one Relief Society meeting once that was very memorable to me because the teacher somehow got everyone to let their hair down and get real with none of the artifice. It was the only time I ever remember everyone coming clean and expressing their real thoughts not the happy/perfect/suppose-to-be version of themselves. It was SO comforting that day in that meeting know that others were struggling with life. There is something awesome about the real that makes people more human (less God like and actually likable). I'm cool with all of the happy/good stuff in general but real helps the balance big time!!

Gonna have to disagree with you on this one. I haven't seen any social climbing or anything like that on facebook, just people adding friends. I currently have 241 friends, not 1,500 like some girls I know.

I'm a big computer geek and I love facebook, I have met some cool people on it, I actually had a girl add me as a friend and I ended up sleeping with her lol

I still have tons of LDS facebook friends and have had people send me messages bitching about the the Ex-Mormon stuff I post

I met a cool mountain biking group on facebook also.

There is also a sizable ex-mo community on there.

Part of my Philosophy of life is I don't care what people think about me, hence I don't even notice what other people do or say, I don't understand why what other people on facebook would bug you

At risk of sounding like a jerk, I have run into this "I hate social networking" thing on another website.

Slashdot.org is a very popular news site related to computers/science/technology, basically anything nerdy, the vast majority of people who read it are geeks.

I don't like stereotypes but they say stereotypes all contain a grain of truth. I majored in CompSci in college and am a certified computer tech, but I also go to the gym, mountain bike, and socialize with people.

Some geeks however do fit the negative stereotype of geeks, very overweight or extremely skinny, pale, cokebottle glasses, never leave the house, never do anything athletic or hang out with people.

THOSE kind of geeks HATE facebook with a passion, they say it is because it is silly and/or shallow but the real reason is because they don't have friends to add, don't have any pictures to upload, and don't have any activities they take part in.

If someone has 1,000 friends and get 20 people commenting on their status I couldn't care less if I only have 240 friends. In addition I am an active person so I have 300+ pictures on facebook and I regularly attend events with my friends.

If people hate _social_ networking like facebook IMO it is because they have some kind of self-esteem issues related to being _social_

I am in complete agreement with you regarding your stance about Facebook. I love it and it is the medium where my friends and I figure out what the hell we are going to do.

Granted, I do not have a lot of pics.due to the fact I just cannot stand having my photo taken.

By the way nerds are posers. Geeks rule!

I can see why FB could be problems for high school and college students (especially freshmen) until they find themselves. When I went to high school decades ago, so much of it was cliquey, the stereotypical high school you see in movies. The jocks had their table, etc.

FB could definitely reinforce (not lead to as the head line says) to self-image problems. You see all the "cool" kids have 2000 friends and you have 10.

I think one a person matures (unfortunately some never do) they realize life isn't about a perceived status of how many friends a person has on FB or how many toys (houses, cars, electronics, latest fashion clothes) they have.

FB is what you make it. If a person has self-image problems going in, it could magnify the problems. For someone who doesn't, FB isn't going to suddenly cause them to have self-image problems.

Problems with image on FB are an indicator of other problems in their life (like a fever is that a person has other medical issues going on). FB/fever are not the problems in themselves.

I don't do facebook at all. Don't think it's professional.
I can see more problems than benefits..the article if so correct...not possible to be so happy all the time.

stormy

My use of Facebook is limited. My wife and I coach and coordinate a field hockey program at a middle school. We have found that Facebook is the best way to communicate with the girls. We have changes to practices, upcoming events, information on clinics and camps, and photo albums of games. Facebook and mass texting are the two most efficient means of communication with girls and parents.

To be an administrator on that page, I have a personal account set up. I have no picture, no news feeds and no friends. For personal use, I see it as a colossal waste of time. Our daughter spends at least two hours per day updating information and posting to girls with whom she has spent all day in school.

I don't like revealing those sorts of things, I don't think others would find it interesting, nor am I that interested in what others have for breakfast unless it's something extraordinary.

FB is good for promoting the self that serves your own self-interest. It's like a business tool that way. FB is bad for discussing anything that any of your FB Friends might have a strong negative reaction to. For that reason I try to never contribute or comment on religious or political content. Generic smalltalk is what's left over.

I play Farmville and Frontierville, argue with Mormons on the Joseph Smith page (one is having a rather sad meltdown at the moment) and glance over the status pages but rarely comment. Most of the people on my Facebook don't do the one-upmanship thing, although sometimes the religious glurge gets nausiating. I ignore it mostly, though.

For me, it's sort of been the opposite. It allowed me to reconnect with non-Mormon friends and cousins and have some feedback about the real world. One of the first people I admitted to that I quit Mormonism was an old, formerly LDS high school boyfriend who is on my friends list. I noticed one of his photos was of him drinking what looked like a beer so I sent him a cyber-Starbucks, which he expressed surprise at receiving from me. We then had a nice chat on why we both left the church. I've found at least two other close, formerly LDS friends to relate to there too. So many people in my day to day life are LDS so even though it's just online, I like relating to my non-Mormon and ex-Mormon people.

I've also found it therapeutic to delete invites to Mormon groups and posts about Mormonism by TBM friends. It doesn't bug me when they post or send me stuff because I enjoy deleting the stuff too much. If only it were that easy to delete everything about the church ...

I just friend who I want, go on it once a day when home and maybe twice a month when I'm at work, and ignore anyone and anything I don't want to pay attention to. I also block comments from TBMs that bug me, but keep them as friends, and I have no problem. If I make a comment they don't like, I don't care, I tell them to block my comments or unfired me if they don't like it. I don't have a problem.

Am I the only person on the planet who never has visited Facebook?

It's what you make of it really. I have no problems with putting any kind of status update on there. Funny. angry, boring, what ever. My friends on FB are by-and-large IRL people that I now live far from but still care about what is going on in their lives. Some friends are from this board and other internet places and I am interested in knowing them better. I have less than 50 friends and I have been on it for years.

Sometimes it's hard to keep up with people from my past, via phone calls or emails, and getting someone's phone number that you chat with on RfM? I wouldn't do that! Facebook is perfect for that.

Do I care what you had for breakfast? Do I care that you are going grocery shopping? Do I care if you woke up late today?

Well... yes. It's idle chatter which is what we would do in a phone call. And sometimes those status updates turn into funny threads when people (most likely me:) put something sarcastic on there.

As far as undermining self esteem and what not... if your self-image is healthy going in, I seriously doubt Facebook is going to radically alter your world view. Taking stock of your life *as it relates to your Facebook news feed* isn't healthy anyway, imo. It's probably not your only problem.

I agree ^^.

I actually love Facebook. For me it's a great way to keep in contact with my family and close friends, who live far away from me and who I don't get to see/talk to on a regular basis.

I'm from NZ and live in Auckland - my parents are in the South Island and I maybe get to see them 1-2 times a year. FB is a great way to keep them up to date and for them to see their (so far only) grand child grow up - I try to post photos and videos regularly, mainly for their benefit, and I know they appreciate it a lot.

Also, being a stay-at-home mum, it's nice to feel like I have some contact with the rest of the world, and it's nice to see what all my friends / family are up to if I'm stuck at home.

I occasionally go through my FB friends list and "edit" it - I don't see the point in having people on my friends list just for the sake of having lots of friends. I figure, if I haven't made contact with them in the past year, then I'm probably not going to at all.

As with anything, you'll get people who love it and people who hate it, for whatever reason.

when someone else showed me what was on their page--my ex.

I spend enough time here--and that is only a few minutes a day lately. My kids both have facebook pages and I choose to give them their privacy. I don't want to see or hear what they are saying or posting.

I've had MANY of my friends ask me to please join and I say, "No." To me, it is a waste of time. I work most of the day on a computer and I just want to be done with working. Personally, I'm very, very particular about who my friends are (I love the comments above about those who have no friends and have no pictures)--I have tons of pictures I could post--especially those of my kids' and my boyfriends' that they take of things we do--but I talk to my FRIENDS on a regular basis on the phone, in person, etc. I hate texting, too. I only use it now and then.

I have sent friend requests once or twice to people who declined - but it didn't bother me because everyone has their own parameters about their FB pages. Some only have relatives and current close friends - others have people they don't even know because they are a friend of a friend. I figure that people are allowed to decide who is in their FB group and am not bothered if people don't accept my friend request. It bothers me a little more if they unfriend me but mostly that has only happened when people get a whole new page for security reasons and forget to send invites to all their old friends. If I had to unfriend someone, I'd block them too so it looked like I took my page offline entirely. Then there are no hurt feelings because they can't see me anywhere on FB when they are blocked.

Simply because I was worried about unsavory people trying to get back in touch with me. Once I got over that nerousis, I found I enjoyed keeping in contact with my friends. I move around every other year, so I like to be able to talk to people I know without taking time from my activities (I am a crazy multi-tasker and usually have at the minimum 2 activities going on.)

That being said, I know FB can get a little braggy, political, or preachy. It's the same thing, however, IRL, and I wouldn't have met some of the fabulous people on RfM without it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/19/2011 10:05PM by itzpapalotl.

Facebook is a tool. If facebook is the only way you socialize, you are sure to be disappoint. Facebook makes people weird.

I've never seen you post anything even remotely offensive on Facebook, so I'm sure it's not a result of anything you said or did. You're a nice person. I'm sure whoever it was that unfriended you was just doing housekeeping and didn't have anything against you.

I don't like being monitored. I've known people who would sit in chat rooms back when they were popular and save transcripts so they could be referred to for years to come. So, I remove people that I haven't seen any activity from in ages or whom I'm not really involved with as a friend. Once in awhile I'll go through and remove 8-10 people. It's nothing personal.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 05/20/2011 01:09AM by Makurosu.

I do tend to assume, thanks to the ol' upbringing, that it was something I said. I always look to make sure all the Mormons are still there, and then the Christians ....



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/20/2011 01:20AM by munchybotaz.

The article makes a good point, but it's really not much worse than what you get with most social interactions. Society has taught us to project the best you; the most interesting, the most happy go-lucky. Even if you've had an extremely boring month at work, if someone asks what you've been up to recently, you're going to talk about the one interesting thing you did. Maybe it was go to a movie, or a baseball game, or whatever. So to a random, not close friend, they probably think you're having a fun month because they know you went to a baseball game, even if the other 30 days you were lonely and bored.

Facebook is essentially the same thing. Someone put it great earlier by saying the status updates are just "small talk." Most (sane) people aren't going to put sensitive emotional details in their status updates for all of their "friends" to see. And because of this, people see how great other peoples lives are and assume theirs is worse. That because people have tons of pictures of them hanging out with friends, that they don't feel lonely or sad or depressed. But it's easy enough to fix this problem by just realizing that everyone gets lonely and depressed, even if they put on a happy face for the world.


Little off topic now: I used to put a lot more effort into Facebook than I do right now. Making my "activities" list have just the right amount of humor in it. Putting all of the cool "indie" movies on my favorite movies section. But then I just deleted almost everything on the "about me" section and rarely post statuses anymore because I realized all of my good friends already know that stuff.

Now my main use for Facebook is keeping in touch with people via the message system and organising events. I used to use chat but now I just leave it disabled because rarely anyone I want to talk to is on, and it's annoying to have someone start a conversation who I don't care about.