My wife will be going out of town with the kids for a long visit with her family, mostly to see her grandparents before they pass on. She was debating how long she wanted to stay there, but when we decided that my best friend could come and batch it with me, she decided that she could be gone for 2 or 3 weeks in good conscience.

Now here's the deal. My friend is 29, single, and TBM. However, he knows about my doubts, and I've even pointed him in the direction of a small amount of anti-mormon material. He said he'd read it, but it's been several weeks without any response.

I know that the loss of my testimony was probably hard on him, as we often relied on and relished in the strength of eachother's faith in the gospel. He's also very similar to me in personality, and would likely see reason if he were exposed to it long enough. He likes edgy PG-13 movies, and would like R-rated ones too if the prophet allowed it. Basically, he sees the virtue in the "worldly" ideas, but stays within the technical boundaries of the church (if it ain't currently official, it ain't an obligation). He will watch an occasional R-rated movie if moved upon by the spirit.

He also hasn't had a web browser on his personal computer for a few years, which says something I think.

Anyway, I think if he's going to realize the truth about TSCC, he should do it before he gets married. He's pretty much been in continual depression for at least half a decade now about not being able to find an eternal companion. If he realizes the struggle he has avoided it would probably cheer him up.

So any suggestions about how to proceed with our 2-3 weeks of bachelorhood? Should I keep our fun clean and our conversation uplifting, or should I find some good R-rated movies and bring him into this board for lively discussion?

One way or another, having fun is a must.

R-rated movies, are you kidding?! Forget that! Your wife's out of town! Take him to a strip club for some REAL debauchery!

if they leave. Show him that people live good lives without the church.

Let him lead the discussions of church. Nobody likes an aggressive missionary on either side.

Yeah, I think this is the best approach. It's genuine, and it doesn't cause any pressure. We won't discuss religion unless he wants to. We don't need to do anything we wouldn't have as TBMs, since we were best friends without them anyway.

Of course my social circle (mostly revolving around work) is different than the kind he'd be interested in, being single. And to really throw the wrench in there, he's lived at or near BYU his entire single life, and any memories he has of non-LDS girls probably date back to high school, and are thus tainted. There's probably a strong single-LDS presence in the area, but I'm confident I don't want to take that route.

He would probably love to have me take him out to meet girls now, though, since I'm no longer a threat. I did marry one of his ex-girlfriends. But I'm not sure what venue would be appropriate.

Show him the sights in your area. Go to the movies, grab some food. But most of all - be yourself. Be happy in who you are, and let him see you being WHO YOU ARE. No need to censor yourself.

Allow him to lead any religious discussion. Otherwise, just hang out, be friends, and don't push.

...it's your home, so it's your rules -- or lack of them. Sure, you're the host and a good host makes guests comfortable -- physically and mentally -- so it might be bad form to try proselytizing him to the "dark side." But otherwise, live like you would if he weren't there.

I wouldn't hide the coffee pot or go to church, but I wouldn't try to get him to do anything he doesn't want to do either. Same for discussions. If he is uncomfortable, drop the subject. Play it by ear. You may have to declare religion off limits. As a host, your job is to make him comfortable. At the same time, you need to have some boundaries so he doesn't impose his views on you

Watch the following:

Orgazmo

Saving Private Ryan

The Matrix

Donnie Darko

Mary Poppins

Just have some fun. Play videogames, relax and just go with whatever happens.

Sorry, I'm new to this forum. I'm assuming TBM = true blue mormon?

And what does TSCC stand for?

As for your friend, I agree with the general consensus. Be yourself. Not only is preaching obtrusive, but ultimately ineffective. People need to make the decision and come the realization for themselves.

close

TBM = True Believing mormon (many have started using the term "Kolobian" instead)

TSCC = This So-Called Church

get a 'temple divorce/release'...

he's autistic; he doesn't have much in way of prospect to get re-married. Nice Guy, but...not a full deck.

His wife 'couldn't take it any more', bailed on him, shared custody of their (MANY) kids. He was HEARTBROKEN... She re-married. (How does church stomache these???)

So Now, he's a HOSTAGE to her wishes re Sealing. SUX!



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/24/2011 04:17PM by guynoirprivateeye.