I didn't get a chance to respond so I started a new thread.

"She wants nothing to do with her family at all. Told the dr she's tired of all the crap."

That's actually quite positive. She seems to have finally realized that playing the Mormon game is never going to make her happy or fill her emotional needs. Of course it's also a tough place because it means that she's got a LOT of work ahead of her. I hope that if her doctors are Mormon they are doctors first and Mormons second for her.

"Mom in all her tbm, I know what will work. Yep, a blessing from her bishop."

Maybe Mom can stand in for a proxy blessing?

"Sister, well I xxcxxx will do now. She point blank said how much will this blessing cost, two more babies? That says it all. Her church had called the shots too long."

Such a sad and angry place to be in. I hope she is able to come through this to the other side and be happy and stronger for it.

"Told mom nope I'm not flying out. I have to work and I'd be sitting there doing nothing. This will take time and patience."

Very true. Nothing you can really do either.

"She's concerned it's her fault, good old guilt. What would life be without it besides better of course."

Well, some of it actually IS her fault, so her feelings are valid in this case. I remember when my sister committed suicide. My father agonized over whether or not it was his fault. Hell ya! he contributed -- but my sister was an adult and ultimately the responsibility lay with her and her choices.

"She's worried about the kids. Who will take care o6 them? Jake do you think? Nope mom don't send them out here. It won't work. You and dad can watch them before and after school right. I guess. That's all we need is three more kids. Nope. Not right now."

It's probably best that there is no convenient place to send the children. That gives her a strong incentive to get better. Nothing like a mother's love for her children to motivate her to make better choices. :)

"My sister wants to talk with storm who is leery. She told the dr that storm has the answers to her problems. Oh boy."

Stormy is right to be leery -- she doesn't have the answers to your sister's problems. She can probably steer your sister in the right direction to find some good answers for herself but ultimately only your sister can come up with the answers to her problems.

I hope your sister gets better, Jake. Honestly, based on what you've reported, it sounds like she's going to be fine. She's in for a battle but she's suddenly realized that she's given up pretty much everything for nothing more than more demands. This looks like a very hopeful sign for your sister.

Best wishes!

I also missed the original thread, but I just wanted to send Stormy and Jake good wishes from someone else dealing with a SIL meltdown drama.

He's not flying out? Why on earth would he? Why does he need to be the one to solve a family crisis, and not the people who happen to live close by? That makes no sense. I really think they seek every opportunity to pull him away.

Why should "apostate" Jake have to drop everything and run off to solve this problem? I agree this is to be handled by local family and primarily by the Sister's HUSBAND and medical professionals. Of course, Jake, being a caring family member and a doctor, should be kept apprised of the situation and give his two cents' worth.

I think the mother's demand that Jake fly home is a manipulative trick to get him away from Stormy so she can guilt Jake and somehow blame Sister's condition on Jake's apostasy, his audacity to re-marry the woman he loves and not being a good little Mormon robot.

All the family drama aside, I do hope that whatever is at the root of Sister's problem can be dealt with and that she can get back on an even keel soon.

There will be NO Delaying our wedding. It will go on as planed on oct 15th. That's not negotiable period. Her children will stay where they are and in their own school. Mil loves being a grandmother do she can earn her stars and bars by stepping up and taking care of the kids. We aren't going to do it. I laughed at that.

Jake will not drop everything and hold his mom's hand..his dad can do that..the next thing to do is dig a moat doing the house..to keep out the inlaws..not kidding.

Talked with my other sil...she's not surprised at the meltdown at all..a long time coming. This sil pretty much does her own thing..she's a convert but never quite swallowed it all. She says no to callings all the time by saying the spirit told her not to do that calling right now...she was delighted when jakes brother got out..cause she's on her way too. Garments are wash tags at her house...we get along fine..i told her to order the dress for jakes sister any way, one size larger do it can be altered..in case she needs it, it will be there for her...she's also not taking the kids, same reason we gave..

She'll find her answers..we all have to..growing up is painful but most of us give it a good try.

Her dr is not a mormon..she caught a break on that one. I think. Jakes not so sure..

I went to the store and loaded up on tomato soup..looks like I'll need it..jake laughs...very funny and it's skinier then fudge and I love chocolate.

We'll survive...ben there done that and will c
do it again.

stormy

It is up to you, but I might consider talking to the siblings and each family take the kids for a week to give Jake's parents a break, especially if this is going to be a long term deal.The kids must be upset and maybe seeing their cousins would help. I agree that they should go to their own school, but school is going to be out soon-next week locally.Unless they live a distance away and getting them here is a problem, a week wouldn't be that hard on any of you and would show some solidarity with the family. It might help with the relationship. Just a thought.

That's not possible for us..they are a 4 hour plane trip away...her husband can make arrangements got the summer...we both work and when it was only me they went to a neat.outdoor camp during the day....their dad can do the same thing...later if.this goes on for awhile..we'll take them on vacation with us...my idea of camping is no indoor pool at the hotel and a poor selection of cable...so it will be some where else..maybe branson, mo..or the wisconsin dells..kid friendly and stormy approved..I'll admit it I'm a camping wuss..

It'll work out...some how..meanwhile anyone else want some tomato soup and chips?

stormy

It sounds so good - tomato soup and chips, but alas, I can not eat chips since they land right on my ass. I actually went on a 'diet' about two years ago, cut out all chips, candy and soda - lost about 50 lbs. Yippee!

Stormy, this is an example of how you hold your boundaries that I mentioned on your other thread about your SIL. You know what is best for your family, and I enjoy watching you snap people back across the line they crossed when they try to tell you that they know better than you do what is best for you. I think you have shown plenty of compassion and kindness while still putting your own family first, and I have a lot of admiration for that.

It's very common in Mormonism for people to put the church before their own families. A common example of this is when a man is called to be a bishop and rarely sees his family for the years (often five) that he serves because he's busy taking care of the families in his ward. It's compassionate service to sacrifice the well-being of one's own family to take care of other's families.

There are tons of single moms who raise their kids without a "break" of having someone take their kids for a day, let alone a week, and those mom's are usually working a couple of jobs to make ends meet. If I remember correctly, you said you went to school and worked while being a single mom.

I think the dad is lucky to have the grandparents help with the kids. The kids need the stability of being around people they have history with. Even though they've probably lived in their mom's chaos their entire lives, it's a chaos they know.

This situation is new and scary. Shipping kids from one house to another when they already have so much internal upheaval would not be ideal, imo. Staying with dad and the grandparents keeps them in familiar surroundings. No matter how much anyone tries to distract them, they are going to be thinking and worrying about their mom.

This is also the time for SIL's visiting teachers to step up. Relief Society is supposed to be all about compassionate service, so they can bring meals to the family and help with the house and the kids as needed.

I went a bit off my main point which was admiration for your ability to hold boundaries. Those who are learning to establish their own boundaries can borrow some of your replies as stock phrases until they get more comfortable when they are put on the spot by the boundaryless. "That's not possible for us" is a good one.

Yeah, that would quite an expense to get them out there. I thought they were closer. Glad that you're are willing to help on vacation if necessary though. That might show the family that you don't have to be a Mromon to show some compassion. Hope SIL improves. I wouldn't change the wedding either unless something really awful happened. If she can't come, that is the way it is.You don't have to put your life on hold for her.

All I can say is check what I said earlier, in the other post. But then, again, my good thoughts are with you, stormy.