This is my first post, and I have a confession. I never believed in the Mormon Church. Never. I met an amazing guy when I was seventeen and began going to church to get closer to him. I felt cornered, and decided that I wanted him, so I decided to get baptized so he would still date me and his parents (who didnt approve of me) would approve of me. I lied through my teeth for all the interviews, etc. I ended up engaged and ready to marry him, and against my better judgement I deciding to get married in the temple. This decisions breaks my heart daily, I wanted my mom to see me married, it was her dream and by me decided to get married in the temple for him and his parents - it really hurt our relationship. My mom is my best friend, and thankfully we have moved past that rough moment in life, but it still hovers there.

We had "messed up" while being engaged and were told by the bishiop we had to get married in the temple or it would show that we werent really repentant. We werent. we still fooled around, but ignored it afterwards as if that would make it go away. We lied in our interviews, I lied boldfaced, I think he did it more in fear of being excommunicated (he was a RM and had been threatened with excommunication when he told his bishop about our 'fun')

Going through the temple was horrible, it was creepy and disgusting and I hated ever moment of it. It truly shows how much of a cult the mormon church really is. The only thing that made me go back in and get sealed the next day was him. I love my DH so much. The "marriage" was a nightmare, I was ugly in my hideous temple crap and no one there was anyone I knew. I was all alone and the only thing I had keeping me there was the man kneeling across from me. As the ceremony proceeded I cried. My DH smiled at me (along with the rest of his family) and I cried harder. I wasn't happy, he made me happy, but the moment was horribly flawed.

I regret going through the temple, it was a mistake. I never have and never will regret marrying my DH though. He is my everything. He now knows that I dont believe, as soon as I came out to him (2 years into our marriage) he shocked me by telling me he had his doubts too. Next thing I knew - we began experimenting with Tea (I, of course, already knew how it tasted) He was excited. We also drink coffee regularly and have recently begun tasting alcohol. We dont plan to be drunks, but we do like the idea of wine. (anyone know any good wines for beginners???)

I am happy and he is happy, I never was a wearer of my garments (only around his parents) and now he has come to know of the freedom of not wearing them. I threw all of mine except one pair out, thinking that i may need it someday, but have yet to wear them. Maybe I'll show my daughter some day and laugh about them?

I know the mormon church is a joke, and Joseph Smith was nothing but a fraudulent little bastard.

Thank you for listening.

H

I can only be helpful here on alcohol advice. Best beginner wine I know of is a nice riesling. Sweet, not strong, super easy to drink if you're not used to boozing it up. If you ever feel like hitting the bubbly there's a champagne called Risque that's honey flavored and positively divine.

As for the rest of it, I'm glad it all worked out for you. I'm a non-believer in a similar situation you were in, except that even if I wanted to lie and pretend I converted it wouldn't matter because I'm a girl and the Mormon I love is also a girl. It's been an interesting ride, to say the least, but what can I say? She's worth it, so I hold on and try to roll with it.

Beulahland - Thank you for the advice. I'm sorry about your situation, It's really rough for same sex relationships in the church - I wish you the best and hope that some day she will open her eyes and see past it all.

Riesling...huh?

:)

Oh yeah, seriously... everyone who is just now starting to step outside the covenants. This board has been incredibly helpful to me in regards to understanding the church and this girl I think I might kinda love (eeep, scary word).

If I can repay you all for your wisdom by sharing my own deep and profound knowledge of sinning then please ask me anything. I've done it ALL. No, really, I've done most of it if it involves sex, drugs, booze, partying, etc. I've mellowed a bit with age, but holy crap the stories I could tell about the joys of a secular, hedonistic existence...

So yes, drink riesling. If you want a red wine (classier looking or something) I would go red zin. I happen to like the 7 Deadly Zins brand, and hey, points for irony. I personally don't like the taste of beer despite years of trying like hell to be cool and pretend I liked it. Now that I'm old enough to realize I'm not cool, I enjoy hard cider quite a bit. Give those a whirl and let me know how it goes ;)

I love Hornsby's Crisp Apple. There's also pear and other fruit ciders out there.

Moscato is also a good beginner wine. Very sweet. Some people really like blush and white zinfindels, but they always give me a wicked headache. There's a whole world for you two to experience. Isn't nice being able to make your own choices?

Oh good.

I am not a fan of wine...that said that's because I know nothing about it.

Red res...okee dokee! Also I don't want to be a solo wino, how sad is that!

But I LOVE to learn so I will soon sound like an afficionado.

I bet hedonostic living is fun... there is something about the spirit of abandon Dthenonreligious cracks me up with his stories.

I am willing to admit that 5% of me is very tempted. However that is not the route I want to take.

As for SIN...really, having sex is just as bad as judging people, I may not have been in another's bed, but I might as well have been while I was practicing judgmentalism Tehehehehehe! [if we are talking about SIN in God's eyes].

Idk where people got this notion of one is better than the other

It's all the same.

I don't think of you as a sinner. I see someone who has done stuff that I may or may not do.

Now you know I am going to be picking your mind :D

Woot Woot!

Breaking covenants...please!

I regret nothing!!!

Okay, I kind of regret how long I kept dating that really hot pin-up model who was also a sociopath. Granted, I was shallow in my early twenties, but when your girlfriend starts telling you about how she decided she didn't want her kitten anymore so she drowned it, and then she is genuinely shocked that you "Make such a big deal out of it"... Well, there are limits to shallowness.

Anyway, I'm good with my place in the universe. I look at it like this: I do everything I can to be a decent human being. I sprint to get to doors so I can hold them for random people who have multiple items in their hands, I make art, I write, I make music, I stop to help strangers anytime it's a situation where doing such doesn't make me worry for my safety. If there is a god, and if he is genuinely all that interested in every thought, desire, and transgression of all the billions of people on this planet, I choose to think of him as the sort of dude who will be a lot more concerned with how much happiness you spread on earth than how much scripture.

My image of god involves a lot of head-shaking and chuckling under his breath at all the ridiculous crap we put ourselves through because we think it's what he wants. If a creator made this planet and all of us, did it ever occur to anyone that maybe he wants us to enjoy it? Maybe this is all we get. Maybe this is our only life and he's pissed that we waste it repenting for things that aren't wrong in the first place.

I guess my point is: Some people enjoy drinking, some enjoy shooting heroin into their eyeballs, some like crystal-meth fueled orgies and some would rather cuddle by the fire than have sex. Do what makes you happy! And while you're at it, try and spread some of that happiness to other people. If you are happiest when you're sober and healthy and chaste then there's no reason not to be. But don't avoid any harmless life experiences because you think God cares if you knock back a glass of bubbly. And on that same token, don't go participating in behavior that makes you uncomfortable just because you're lashing out against a lifetime of repression.

Wow this turned into a long rant. Anyway, yes, I can tell you all sorts of things from my own experiences, but you know what the greatest thing I ever did for myself was? It was to let go of guilt for things that harmed no one. I was nineteen when (while tripping balls) I realized that the only measure of success that's worth a damn is how happy you are. You could be dirt-poor or a billionaire, but how much joy you take in living each day is the only way I think you can measure success. The rest is illusions and symbols and distractions.

I agree about Riesling. Great stuff. To the OP, I am glad you never believed, had a horrible experience in the temple and I am glad you are sorry for treating your mom like an outcast. It would be wonderful to do it over again and make her happy. My daughter converted too - but after her wedding to a mormon so she had a civil wedding. It seems like your hubby and you may exit in the near future. How will his Mom and Dad take THAT. I am sure they will blame you. BE sure you tell him so.If your love is strong he will not desert you or side with his parents. Enjoy your new life as you ease into it.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 06/01/2011 12:12AM by honestone.

Awwwww.....how sweet.

Smiles.

Have fun with your loved one.

Coffee is YUMMY

A drink here and there is great!

Legal sex...well hey!

I know the temple is so ... creepy?

I am so glad your bubby is sane.

I bet he is enjoying himself too.

BEST STORY EVER!!!!

AIC - Thank you! : ) I have been lurking here for a while, and finally decided to post. My story isn't really tragic in that I hadn't been fooled - I wanted to offer hope. Not all mormons are brain warped, I'm sure all of them know in the back of their mind that something is off, I'm just glad the guy I fell for was as great as I knew he was/is. : ) We are enjoying ourselves.

I know exactly what you mean about temple marriage. What a lousy way to experience something so personal!

rogertheshrubber - Thank You! : ) It was, we have plans for a real wedding someday. We are broke at the moment, but someday we would like to do it all over and do it right this time. I'm not missing out of my fairy tale wedding!

I am so glad, for both of you guys, that he was able to see the light around the same time that you "came out." I had always hoped my wife would respond with an open mind when I told her the temple was not for me anymore. Unfortunately, I was wrong.

It sounds like you're making it work with your DH!

Australian, New Zealand, and Chilean wines offer good value for money spent. I like Black Opal and Rosemount. For a drinkable everyday wine, I like Frontera Chardonnay.

In the summer a wine spritzer is refreshing, and a easy way to start off with drinking wine. It's basically white wine, soda water, ice, and a slice of lemon or lime. Here's a sample recipe:

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/giada-de-laurentiis/wine-spritzer-recipe/index.html

Summer - Thank You!!! I will definitely have to try that recipe! :)

Ohhhh summerlicious...

NICE!

Oh, that reminds me! Sangria. Don't let this summer go by without making yourself a pitcher of Sangria. That stuff is amazing.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 05/31/2011 04:09PM by beulahland.

anyone know any good wines for beginners???


Try them all in some way or try different types and kinds to find out what you like. Everyone has different tastes. Experiment and report back.

Good luck on everything else and I'm glad you found everything out while you still have some "life to live". Cheers :)

Bring your husband in here! He doesn't sound like the kind who would have aversions to an honest perspective of the church.

Congrats on reaching the starting point in living authentic lives. You'll love it. Welcome.

What a great story! I'm so glad both of you decided to do this together! My husband and I of 25 years just left a year ago, and it been a great life ever since!

I am so happy that you made that step while you are still young and early in your marriage.

Bravo!

As for the wine, I'm a Cabernet drinker myself. Don't like the white wines too much.

Starting with things like Mike's Hard Lemonade might be fun for summer. Nice and sweet and refreshing!

Enjoy your new life!

story sounds familiar, but I dumped the girl I joined for and eventually met and married my wife. I talked myself into believing, but after getting married in the temple, we both decided it was too creepy to go back. My BIC and somewhat TMB still hasn't been back.

IMHO I'd stay away from the Alcohol. I was a casual drinker before I joined the church, but after 10 years I fell off the wagon and had another 10 years of being a daily drinker. I finally had to give it up for good, and I'm glad I did. The one thing I do regret after waking up from 10 years of momonism was starting to drink again. That's the one thing I could have done w/o. But to each there own, and maybe a glass of wine ever now and then wont be so bad for you guys. We know JS got that part of the WOW way wrong. But all things in moderation LOL.

Yes, be careful with the alcohol. I once had a neighbor downstairs who became a close friend. She was on probation for alcohol related crimes (DUI), failure to appear, etc. We got close enough for me to ask how a beautiful, successful woman like her came to be an alcoholic. She told me this shocking story:

Her husband shot himself in the bathroom of their suburban home. She found the body and in the understandable horror of the aftermath, she started taking a glass of wine with her for a bubble bath at night after work. To help her relax. After some weeks of this, she noticed how much she looked forward to it. In fact, she was tossing off her clothes and jumping into the bath the minute she got home and then continued drinking wine in her robe the rest of the night.

They taught her in AA that you should never attach alcohol to anything you do regularly, otherwise, if you have a genetic propensity, you could become an alcoholic.

Anagrammy

[TBM mode]
this just goes to prove that if you go through the temple without a true testimony and lie to to the bishoprick, you will not feel the holy spirit during the temple ceremony and, in fact, your guilt and shame will make you feel terrible.#
[/TBM mode]

I'm so glad that you are planning a "real" wedding someday. I was going to suggest that you do a renewal or whatever and include YOUR family.

I am now divorced/separated, whatever you want to call it, and even so one of my biggest regrets was going to the temple with my drex. He was like you, he knew no one there except my 2 brothers, and his family was so upset and hurt, besides we got married on the other side of the country from them.

We too messed up, he had a court, then came home to tell me he was going to marry me. We then got engaged, had sex again, and he said, oh well, engagement sex. We didn't have sex again after that but every thing but.

I remember sitting outside the temple across the street thinking that god knew and that our marriage wasn't going to be legit because of what we had done. When we went through infertility and fights I wondered if we were being punished for being naughty too.

If I get married again I am going to have a real wedding. Maybe not fancy, but just real. I am no mo now anyway, even if I happened to marry a mo, which I am not looking for but I am in Utah.

So good for you. Temple so fucked up.....

Thanks guys,

I dont plan on being an alcoholic, but it does help to be reminded about how something simple as a glass of wine occasionally could lead to it. I'll be extra careful there! : )

We tried a cheap wine the other day and it tasted like nail polish remover, so maybe that wont work out for us? It was a white. Maybe ill just stick with my coffee and tea.

I read all of these posts and others and It really hurts that sometimes a Spouse who claimed to love you and marry you wouldn't stand by you for something as simple as a difference in religion, It truly is sad.

And yes, I do want a wedding - nothing fancy and expensive, something small and quite and close to dusk in the autumn. Perfect.

Yall are all wonderful! : )