My parents let us play with anyone, no matter what their religious background was, or whether or not they were "active" etc. However, most of my friends were simply members because 90% of my neighborhoods were members.

Later in life, however, I heard from non-member parents that their kids weren't allowed to play with some member kids because the member kids' parents had rules against that.

Anyone on the board have those rules, or knew about members who had those rules?

maybe-that-helped-me-see-through-the-b.s.-ly yrs,

S

We live far outside the morridor and were converts, so most of my childrens' friends were non-members. However, there was one particular YW leader who told my daughter's YW group that good Mormon children should stay far away from non-member children.They should only hang out with Mormon kids, who shared their impeccably high standards.

This lady was one of the typical Utah style Mormons who liked to pass off weird Mormon beliefs as doctrine, such as the old no-swimming-on-Sundays-because-Satan-rules-the-water and that caffeinated beverages are of The Devil.

I'm thinking fate has given her her comeuppance though, since a few of her perfect Mormon children have now 1) left the church (wahoo!), 2) had a child out of wedlock (the horrors!), and 3) came out as a gay man and recently moved in with his boyfriend (good for him!).

These three kids must have been secretly hanging out with non-member kids...or something! How else could they have all strayed so far from the gospel and became such horrid people???

In the meantime, my convert-turned-apostate daughter who has always had non-member friends, is doing well for herself at the age of 19. She doesn't smoke, drink, do drugs, or have promiscuous sex. She is a caring individual who is very vocal about human rights issues and is working her way through college to become a teacher. How on earth is she so well-adjusted having hung out with so many smoking, drinking, drug-using, sex-having non-members??? OMG!

I had non Mormon friends. It wasn't an issue



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/05/2011 07:48PM by bona dea.

When I was a kid, I never knew anyone who wasn't in my ward. In school everyone seemed to be LDS. Yet out of us kids only three held true to the church standards.

My kids grew up away from the morridor and except for the one or two members that go to their school, they have no mormon playmates. And even those usually only associated on Sundays. I always suspected that they don't want anyone to know they are mormons. Either they never played togather for fear someone might ask how they know each other and have to reveal their church, or they just don't actually like each other except at church....you know, just like grown-up mormons do.

The 3 or 4 Mormon kids at my school either played with the non-Mormons or were awfully lonely.

The LDS kids learned to fit in and not to try to make us act mormon.

I had non-Mormon friends, but mom and dad always were more cautious about the non-LDS friends. One friend had exmo parents, and dad was concerned that we may be reading "anti-Mormon literature." I wish we were, it may have resulted in my leaving sooner.

I had plenty of LDS friends that I associated with, by virtue of ward and stake activities, but my MAIN group of friends at school were not LDS. The girls in my ward were kind of jerks, so I definitely didn't hang out with them.

My parents didn't seem to care whether or not my friends were LDS. But I don't think they would have tolerated me DATING a non-LDS guy.

I think it's mostly UTAH Mormons who have a problem with non-LDS kids. They are such a majority here, that they don't have to learn to associate with other people. I'd love to see some of those folks have to adapt to living outside of utah.

I am a nevermo and lived in Utah - Layton- for a long time - over four yrs. My kids were 5 and 8 when we arrived and 9 and 12 when we left. Let me tell ya....if a mormon kid lived nearby the majority (90%) let their kids come to my house. Zero percent let my kids go to theirs unless it was a birthday party and that only happened twice. I am not kidding. And sometimes I had to have the kid call to get the parent to come pick them up. I was their babysitter. It was pathetic. No parent ever wanted to talk to me either. Guess they figured I wouldn't hurt their kids but I was not worthy to be talked to (someone might see). Mormons are weird and arrogant and lazy when it comes to parenting.

Oh just remembered about one large Mormon family who did let my oldest go to their house maybe three times all toll, but I never met the parents really- just a hello. I asked when she drove to get my daughter if it really was okay for my daughter to play at their house. Sitting in the car she said one word....,"yes". Again.....just too weird.They never wanted to converse with us evil Christians.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/05/2011 09:43PM by honestone.

"the majority (90%) let their kids come to my house. Zero percent let my kids go to theirs unless it was a birthday party and that only happened twice."

Yep, you were definitely being exploited as a mere (free) babysitter. Your neighbors obviously had no sense of shame.

So true.....they trusted me to watch their child but I am not worthy in any other sense to have a friendly relationship with. The women were totally a huge shock to me.....having kids but not watching where they were or asking about them all day. It was so bizarre. I knew for certain Mormons were weird after seeing their neglect of their own kids in the neighborhood.

Me, hub, and only kid moved into our dream house in a upscale custom neighborhood in the East Valley in the 90's. I was thrilled when we saw oodles of kiddos playing in the yards and street. In no time at all, our child was made aware that the mormon kids couldn't play with him, sleep over, or have him sleep over because he wasn't MORMON!!! Of course it was ok to eat snacks from our house or have a soda in the driveway. LOL. One little cretin even had the balls to tell me he would like to go to the lake with us on the weekend, but we would HAVE to go on Saturday! Seriously. Had no idea this crap went on in mormon areas. We'd always had friends with various religious views, and only kid had many friends of different faiths. Damnedest thing we'd ever heard of !!!

Oh yeah, i forgot about the food. They loved my house due to snacks. Once when my one daughter went to a Mormon friend's house for a party, the mom brought home 10 apples for 10 kids and my daughter said it was the dam___ thing how they all ran like they hadn't eaten in 2 months. My daughter just watched.

I never realized the hunger for snacks was a mormon thing.....but maybe it was. My kids friends loved to come to our house because I didn't hover and let them eat snacks as along as it wasn't too close to dinner. They always acted like they were "getting away with something."

One kid told me how his step-mom kept a lock on the pantry. Weird.

Another kid would spend virtually all summer at our house. My son told me it was because he was the youngest and if he stayed home is older siblings would beat him up. 12+ years later he still spends a lot of time here.

...and the only time I saw other Mormons, other than my family, was at church. So ALL my friends were non-Mormons. My parents accepted the situation and let me play with the gentiles, though they were clear about which ones seemed to be the bad kids. One summer my parents sent me to the local Presbyterian summer Bible school/activity time with my buddy next door.

Ah, but when we moved back to Utah when I was a teen, they kept grilling me about the girls I dated. "Is she LDS? Active? Are her parents active?..." I guess they worried who I might end up marrying some day. Neener neener neener, ended up marrying a nevermo atheist. For a while.

Lived in a small town, with very small Mormon population so almost all my friends were not mormon. If I was told I couldn't play with mormon kids, I wouldn't have had any friends at all.

I had non mormon friends growing up. They were also a different race. Didn't make any difference to me.

The only time my parents objected to a friend he was from a jack mo family and taught me how to flip the bird and say fuck. I think he was the guy who gave me my first cigarette later in sixth grade.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/05/2011 10:48PM by Charley.

grew up TBM on east coast so there were 4 LDS kids in my HS and that including me & the bro. pretty much all my BFFs were a mix of various faiths & nonbelievers. my parents didnt care about the religion they were more concerned with the person & except for the occasional utah move-in nutjob the other TBM parents were the same. it's not true everywhere but 90 percent of the LDS kids in my home ward were pregnant, gotten someone pregnant, selling drugs, etc by the time everyone graduated.

the craziest non-utah all-about-rules family had 3 kids, one is in prison serving his sentence for selling drugs, one paid her way thru college (they wouldn't pay cause she was a female) doing adult films (also made enough money to pay cash for a house as a wedding present to her DH) and now is a happy atheist mommy with a couple kiddos, the third last i heard dropped out of HS and ran away.

came from an "inactive" family. Her parents both smoked and drank. There were, believe it or not, only 2 children in the family. That was very unusual for the 1960s in Utah. My parents had no problem with us being friends or spending time at her house.

My kids--through school--their best friend (they are boy/girl twins) is a Baptist--and they were good friends with the entire family and spent A LOT of time there.

I'd agree with some of the above--even if I was mormon, I only had 2 children and I would have to send the neighbors' kids home at the end of the day. Some would just show up early in the morning and stay all day. As for snacking--I found that many of the kids that hung out all day ate whatever was left. If my kids didn't finish their lunch, then these kids would finish it for them.

My parents would have preferred if there were enough mos for me to play only with them, but there weren't, so I didn't get much of a social life.

Regarding the food thing... My mother loves to police other peoples food intake. Possibly watching for WOW slip UPS, possibly to make sure her diet is Better. You know, "So-and-so is slim, but I saw her eating something fatty or a donut, so I'm still more virtuous for denying myself these things even though I am 30lbs overweight."

That and meaningless control over children... Exercising the power to deny someone something, just because she had the power.

And then of course a lot of mo children, or at least a few in each ward, are properly being fed rotated food storage. So faced with real fresh food, and snacks never allowed in a tight fisted, dictatorial, impoverished, or just no-because-I-said-no mo household... Your snacks will vanish like magic!

I always had both mo and never-mo friends and my parents never had a problem with it; Although, thanks to the pressure of "every member a missionary' I embarrassed myslef several times giving BoMs to friends and them rejecting it.

Some of my friends parents were quite liberal, so I made sure never to let on some of the stuff that went on at sleepovers. I learned at an early age how to hide the truth.

I also grew up on the east coast. I only saw lds friends at church. There were no other lds kids in the school system until I got to high school. Then there were these twins that were seniors when I was a freshman... we went to seminary together. After they graduated, I was back to being the only LDS kid in town. Needless to say, all of my friends were non-lds.

I grew up in the middle of Orem and knew of only one nonmember family as a kid -- our next door neighbors. They had a daughter my age that I played with a lot, but once I turned eight (I never actually put it together until a few years ago) my parents forbade me to play with her anymore (she *wasn't* the greatest of influences but it had nothing to do with her religion or lack thereof).

I grew up in Utah County. As a child I was taught in the LDS church services to only associate with those who had the "same values". Those 'same values' were not defined. I think it was clear that it meant we shouldn't be playing with non-mo children.
Also, teens were encouraged to bring the non-mo teens to the fold. We (as a YW class) even went to the home of a non-mo teenager, on Sunday during YW, and asked if that teen could attend services. After so many attempts, if that teen didn't want to come then sadly, they were left out. (I was the shy type and only went along, and once or twice just stayed in the classroom. In case you are wondering, the teacher instigated this 'retrieve the teen activity'.)
Also, as a teen I was instructed in church to only marry another Mormon.

Non-mormons don't have much of a chance in a mormon dominated community.

The code. "Only associate with those who have the same 'values.'"

I also grew up in Utah County, and only knew a couple of non-members. All of my actual friends were Mormon.

I remember a non-member asking out the seminary president, and he wasn't sure what to do for a while. He ended up saying yes, but I'm pretty sure no one would have steadily dated her because she was a non-member. That's what we were taught.

Yep, you said it all. That is the going mantra if you live where there are mostly all Mormons. Ignore the kids who are nevermos and they choose not to be Mormon. Their values are very bad. WTF? They don't even know us because they aren't allowed to.Mormons are arrogant and stupid.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 07/07/2011 05:03PM by honestone.

Never even heard of it. But when you live out in the "mission field" it would be awfully lonely to only play with mormon kids, who usually live miles away.

I grew up in South Jordan Utah. I doubt you could find four non-Mormon families in my ward boundaries back then. There were inactive kids we were discouraged from going over into their houses by leadership. Came to find out that back in the barn at one of those houses, a pair of twin teenage girls were having sex with boys from the local high school. 73 names were on the list when they came forward to the bishop and people were grilling kids left and right about being seen over at that house or with those girls throughout the stake. The family moved cause that got out about what their daughters had done and for how long.

When I was young I had no restrictions on who I could befriend; as a matter of fact, my best friend was (still is) an atheist, and he didn't have much tolerance for my superstitious beliefs. That was okay by me, because that meant I didn't have to maintain the "illusion of perfection" around him. Funny that I'm still close to him and haven't spoken to my church mates in years...

I was never restricted from playing with anyone, Mormon or not, as a child.

I do think, though, that in Utah there is such a high concentration of Mormons that many BIC parents are paranoid about having their kids play with non-Mo children. Mostly, it's because so many Mormons here center their lives around the church and its activities. Most of their neighbors are likely to be Mormon, and they don't socialize much outside their Mormon "cocoons". Many are just ignorant and naive about life
outside the LDS box, and they choose to "follow the prophet rather than learn to evaluate people for themselves, according to their own judgment.

I'm not saying that's right or fair, I just think here in the Mormon capital, TSSC is all some people know or feel comfortable with.

I grew up with a lot of member kids in my neighborhood. My best friend was(is) a member, and it wasn't really an issue. At first there were no restrictions with the other kids, but my father was very vocal about being a mormon-hater. It was his calling, so to speak. Eventually he came to an agreement with the neighbors that I (nor my siblings) were to be introduced to anything religious (read Mormon). Although I could go to church, and to church functions once in a while. Once the "hands off" was out I was mostly denied play time at the door. The majority of the kids would meet up in the field and woods and it was a non-issue. I did have to hide on various occassions, so as not to be seen with certain friends. When we would choose teams in school, I was usually roped in with the Mo's because they knew me.

Of course, by the time I was a teenager I was no-longer a hopeful convert, but a bad seed. One of my friends was subjected to drug tests after being caught with me (for months his parents surprised him with random drug tests, and this was before the do it yourself home kits. They had to pay money to have the tests analyzed. New FHE activity, reading Samuel's drug test results). A sure way for the neighborhood girls to find themselves on lockdown house arrest was to have me call. In retrospect, I should have offered up my services. Dirty deeds, I'll call your worst enemy after 8:00 PM, $5.00.

There was only one kid (Tony D.) that really stuck to it. He would ride his bike away from me like I had cooties. If we were playing guns in the field he would come out in all of his army stuff, and as soon as he saw me he would convince whomever he could to form another army to fight another war elsewhere (He would use guilt and manipulation, practice for later in life). He was a deuche about it though. He would invite everyone to his house for something cool, and then tell me I couldn't come. His mom did it to me once too. Super crappy people all around, and it honestly did hurt my feelings as an 8 year old. By 10 I was over it and bent on revenge. He grew into a colossal dweeb. When I saw him in the halls at school I would curse just to watch him squirm. He would tell on me. His older sister, now married and ultra TBM, was known for a certain set of skills (and an eagerness to showcase them) that young men are fond of. I tried to exploit said skills on several occassions to rub it in his face, but to no avail. Everybody but me....

For the most part, I wasn't treated like a leper by most, but I wasn't invited over for dinner either. If I was at a church function, the very same parents who shut me down at their doorsteps would be all smiley and inquisitive as to my well being. If it wasn't for Mormons I would probably be Mormon today........

No problem. I could go on and on about my experiences growing up on the outside (as an observer).

To be fair, It was a non-issue until I was around 8 years old. Before then, the only related memory that comes to mind is one night while setting the table I overheard my dad say something to the effect of, "We're surrounded by effin Mormons". (We had just moved into a new subdivision a couple of months earlier).

When it became an issue was when my sister came home with the BoM. It was a bad scene all around. You would have thought she came home with satanic child molestation manuals. A couple of days later some mishies stopped by, and that was that. My dad, furious as all get out, marched down to where he thought the bishop lived. My dad laid out the ground rules, and the foundations of many awkward relationships. Luckily I wasn't home at the time, as it was quite a show....

And hopefully your sister never converted, right? Loved your Dad's comment....we are surrounded by F__ Mormons. I can relate as I was too for 4 yrs. once.

I could write a book on this.

In a nuthaving being from a rough, never-mo family, having a best friend who was mormon (from the age of 5) meant attending church, primary, and the occasional family home evening --and my favorite, bitty-basketball on early Saturday mornings, which meant Friday sleepovers.

I enjoyed special treatment than other non-Mormon friends. I could sleep over, be invited to dinner and play in the house. The other Non-Mormon kids didn't get these 'extras'. I also got to be the boss of the 'sports shed' when the mormon family were away. This was the shed by the mormonhouse where all the baseball gloves and hockey nets and sticks and tennis rackets and all the other fun stuff a family of 9 Mormons had but the rest of us non-Mormon kids didn't necessarily have.

So, I reasoned, if I want to see my best friend whenever I wanted it's best I be as Mormon as I can. In my neighborhood being Mormon had it's perks.

Living in Clearflield at the time meant being neighbors with service families who were non-members.

We stayed in touch after my family moved and hers was stationed in Germany. She sent me a coocoo-clock from their and visited my family after returning to the US.

My mother liked her but distrusted the father who had a small tatto and drank coffee and the mother for drinking tea. Mom was upset that my friend came back from Europe with pierced ears and was happy when she "lost" their address.