Today was the last day of school and my sister and I took our last finals for the term.

My sister outright failed her test-- it was administered electronically so she got the results back immediately. With the way the exams are weighted, she'll pass the class, but it will affect her GPA and she doesn't have very many credit hours so it means she'll lose her scholarship.

She's really upset. I don't know what to do or say except that I'm sorry it worked out this way. She's not a lazy student-- she's a disciplined student and very bright. She works really hard. She has been studying non-stop the whole term but she tends to overthink and has bad test anxiety and this was her first time taking an accelerated course where they cram a whole semester into a month-- plus the teacher was a little flaky/confusing and inconsistent so she spent a lot of times spinning her wheels trying to figure out what was going on.

Plus that whole Mormon woman perfectionism-- I swear its in our DNA.

I don't know what to do or say. I feel so terrible. I'm afraid that this is really going to affect her self-esteem negatively. I'm good at dealing with failure (and I have dealt with it), because I have a weirdly healthy self-esteem-- that I earned in therapy over several years. She is opposite of me in this. She's a smart, funny, really cool person but she's got a terrible view of herself. I hate hate hate that she's going through this. I'd rather fail a class myself than watch her suffer like this-- and that's saying something.

Will it pass? What should I do? What should I say? Am I overreacting by being so upset that she's upset?

Your sister is very lucky that she has you. I wish I had a sister who cared as much as you.

Ya that sucks for sure. Sorry she's hurting. Sorry you're hurting.

Hope it's not to serious, because if her world gets rocked over a failed academic test she needs to brace herself. I'm guessing life has more serious setbacks for her (and all of us)than this in store.

Not sure what you can do other than be supportive and positive.

Perfectionism is a bitch.

Good luck.

As you know, everyone deals with failure sooner or later. If she seems devastated by it, just continue to encourage her and perhaps tell her about the times that you overcame your own failures.

I would tell her to go see the professor tomorrow. Tell her to explain her situation -- that she is facing a loss of her scholarship, that the pace of the class was more than she was bargaining for, that she has test anxiety, and can she perhaps do an extra project or paper to lift her grade? It's worth a shot. Professors do have some leeway when it comes to grading, particularly if the change is upward. I had a professor flat out ignore the fact that one of my papers was late because the rest of my work was top quality.

I would also tell sis to consult with an academic counselor at school about her test anxiety.

She's lucky to have you!

I panicked and needed to get that out while I was uncomfortably waiting to see if she was really going to be okay.

She finally came out of her room, went for a run, and then we talked. She is feeling better-- disappointed, but not destroyed. She seems to be handling it better than her initial reaction suggested.

She just needed a little time-- I guess she overreacted and then I overreacted to her overreaction.

One thing we have in common is that we both care too much about grades.

Thanks again-- love this place :0)

She may be able to improve her ability to cope with it.

I know in my field there are coaches/psychologists that help people deal with performance anxiety. They teach them how to deal with their fears/hangups, develop reliable preparation skills, and go through mental routines to put them in the right state of mind before a performance.

There are also medications that help. (beta blockers, I think?)

There has GOT to be something similar to help people learn to take tests. Maybe in the academic counseling center at school?

As soon as she got in school, she realized that performance anxiety and perfectionism were going to be issues. She has been working with a counselor and has already made really incredible progress. I'm very proud of her :0)

Obviously she should not be in the accelerated class. Once employed, who knows what type of class you were in. So have her slow down and think about the future instead of trying to look so "smart" now. Many people have this problem. It is not about the NOW. It is about the future and her grades are important to make it to the end. If she lost her scholarship it is a shame, but her choice in course selection was to blame.

She works full-time, so she was expecting a hustle, but didn't realize that there were going to be issues until it was too late-- the class went by so fast.

She is very literal and precise in the way she understands things, and a little weak on using context clues to fill in gaps. Plus, the anxiety on top of that really magnifies the whole issue.

So if a teacher is vague, or inconsistent, or uses a lot of non-literal speech, she can be easily frustrated if they are not available to clear things up-- or if she doesn't have time to ask every little question.

I used to be more like that myself, but undergrad work helped a lot and I don't have the issues I used to have. She just isn't far enough yet to have developed those skills. I just hope she doesn't get too frustrated and drop out.